SERMON: Fireproof Sermon 6 -- A Better Way of Loving

FIREPROOF SERMON SERIES:

SERMON 6 -- A BETTER WAY OF LOVING

22 March 2009

 

I. Introduction

    -- turn in your Bibles to Luke 5

    

    -- as you're turning over there, I want to show you what I brought this morning -- I brought a fork with me -- not long ago, we went out to eat at a restaurant with our family -- and it struck me as I was there that everyone at the table was holding their fork the same way -- you see, there's a right way and a wrong way to hold a fork

    -- so I started looking around -- and almost everybody in the place was holding their fork the same way -- all except one person -- there was one person there at a table near us that was refusing to hold their fork the right way -- of course, they were only about two years old

    -- and as I watched, the child's mother kept showing them, over and over again, how to hold their fork

    -- you know, thinking back -- I remember being taught by my parents how to hold my fork -- I remember them correcting me

    -- do you remember being taught how to do that? -- who taught you? -- was it your mother? -- your father? -- a brother or sister? -- was it your grandparents or maybe a friend? -- I guarantee you that it was somebody -- you might not even remember right now

    -- kids seem to be born holding their forks like this -- the wrong way -- somebody had to teach you how to hold your fork right -- you had to learn it from somebody else, and now it's just something that you do -- something that you don't even think about

    -- there's a lot of things in life that's like that -- tying your shoes -- brushing your teeth -- buttoning your shirt -- all of those fundamentals of life that you learned from somebody who already knew how to do them

    -- maybe it wasn't something that they intentionally sat down and taught you -- maybe it's just something that you picked up by example -- just by watching them and listening to them and doing what you saw them do -- but now, it's a part of you -- it's just something that you do without even thinking about it

    -- well, let me ask you this -- how did you learn how to relate to and love other people? -- who taught you how to be a husband? -- who taught you how to be a wife? -- who taught you how to be a friend?

    -- odds are that no one sat down and taught you how to love someone else -- you probably just learned how to relate to other people based on imitation, just like everything else in your life that you just know -- you probably watched your mother and your father -- you watched your family -- and that's how you learned to love and relate to people

    -- for many of us, that method didn't work -- we didn't learn to love and relate to people like God wanted us to -- we learned how to love and relate to people based on the examples that we saw -- and, as a result, we might have hurt some people we really didn't mean to -- we might have damaged some relationships -- all because we failed to learn how to love in a healthy way

    -- so, this morning, as we conclude our series on the movie, "Fireproof," I want to show you a better way to love -- I want to teach you the fundamentals of a better way of loving based on the perfect example of Jesus

 

    -- For the past five weeks we've been learning lessons from a couple named Caleb and Catherine -- the main characters in the movie "Fireproof" -- when the movie opens, Caleb and Catherine don't really know how to love each other -- their image of love is skewed -- and, as a result, they've done a lot of things that hurt each other

    -- they've come to that resentment phase in a marriage that we talked about earlier -- and both of them wanted out -- then Caleb's father handed him a book called, "The Love Dare," which taught him the fundamentals of expressing love to Catherine based on a biblical understanding of true love

    -- one of the issues that has caused problems in this marriage has been Caleb's obsession with owning a boat -- rather than contributing to the family finances -- rather than making sure the family had the money it needed to do what was necessary, Caleb has been hiding money in a savings account -- locking it up for years to buy a boat

    -- and even though Catherine's mother needs some medical equipment and doesn't have the money to purchase it, it never crossed Caleb's mind to use this money -- that's a problem with locking money up in an account like that -- whether it's in a family or a church -- you start working for the money and not letting the money work for your family -- and that's exactly what Caleb has been doing

    -- now we're going to watch the final clip from this movie where Caleb finally figures out the true nature of love -- this clip comes in two parts -- the first scene occurs early in the movie, when Caleb is still living selfishly -- the second scene happens weeks later after Caleb has started to learn the fundamentals of loving

    -- let's watch the clip [show clip #6]

 

II. Scripture Lesson (From Fireproof Sermon Outline #6)

    -- if you would, turn with me now to Luke 5 -- I want to show you the way Jesus loved people     -- so, if you would, either follow along or listen as I read verses 1-11

 

1. One day as Jesus was standing by the Lake of Gennesaret, with the people crowding around him and listening to the word of God,

2. he saw at the water's edge two boats, left there by the fishermen, who were washing their nets.

3. He got into one of the boats, the one belonging to Simon, and asked him to put out a little from shore. Then he sat down and taught the people from the boat.

4. When he had finished speaking, he said to Simon, "Put out into deep water, and let down the nets for a catch."

5. Simon answered, "Master, we've worked hard all night and haven't caught anything. But because you say so, I will let down the nets."

6. When they had done so, they caught such a large number of fish that their nets began to break.

7. So they signaled their partners in the other boat to come and help them, and they came and filled both boats so full that they began to sink.

8. When Simon Peter saw this, he fell at Jesus' knees and said, "Go away from me, Lord; I am a sinful man!"

9. For he and all his companions were astonished at the catch of fish they had taken,

10. and so were James and John, the sons of Zebedee, Simon's partners. Then Jesus said to Simon, "Don't be afraid; from now on you will catch men."

11. So they pulled their boats up on shore, left everything and followed him.

 

 

    -- this passage takes place very early at the start of Jesus' ministry -- He has just been baptized by John in the Jordan River -- He's been tempted by the devil in the wilderness -- and now He has started His ministry by preaching at the synagogue in Nazareth and by starting to do miracles

    -- at this time, Jesus doesn't have any disciples -- He's met Simon Peter a few times -- but Peter has not yet committed to following Him -- this story, where Jesus preaches to a crowd on the shores of the Sea of Galilee is the point when Peter and the other three fishermen finally see Jesus for who He is and decide to follow Him with their whole heart

    -- on the surface, this story seems rather straight-forward -- but if you look deeper, you'll see some lessons on love in this passage that you might miss -- partly because we're not reading it in the original Greek but also because we're reading it through eyes that don't really understand what love is all about

 

    -- I think most of us here are aware that the English translation of the Bible does not have the richness or the fullness of the original Greek -- while we only have one word for love, the Greek language recognizes several different types -- generally, when you see the word "love" in the Bible, it is one of three words in the Greek that mean different aspects of love

 

    -- the first is "eros" -- eros is sensual love -- and even though it's where we get our English word, "erotic," from, it's not really focused on sex in the Bible -- it's about pleasing the senses -- eros love asks the questions, "What can I get from this? -- What can I get from this relationship? -- How can I be pleased?"

 

    -- the next type of love is "phileo" -- phileo is relational love -- it's a deeper love than eros because it looks past your own interests and considers the interests of a group of people -- whether that's family or friends -- phileo is sometimes called "brotherly love" -- it's where the city of Philadelphia gets its name -- phileo love asks the questions, "What can we get out of this? -- What can our family -- our friends -- get out of this situation?"

 

    -- the final type of love is "agape" -- it is the better way of loving -- this is unconditional love -- it's the deepest kind of love that we know -- agape love doesn't consider our interests at all -- agape love is always about the other person -- instead of asking, "What can I get out of this?" like in eros love -- and instead of asking, "What can we get out of this?" as in phileo love -- agape love asks, "What can you get out of this? -- How can you be pleased?"

 

    -- another way to remember these three types of loves is like this:

        -- Eros loves when....

        -- Phileo loves because....

        -- Agape loves in spite of....

 

    -- With that in mind, let's look back at this story that we just read -- in this passage, we read of the first time that Jesus preached outside of the synagogue -- a lot of people had started following Him because of the miracles He's been doing -- so Jesus stops to teach them

    -- He's standing there on the shore of the Sea of Galilee -- and it's a perfect place to teach -- there's a natural slope so everyone can sit and see and hear well -- and as He starts to teach, more and more people start to come -- pretty soon, the little beach where He's at is full of people and there's not enough room

    -- so Jesus backs up to give them more room -- but the crowd keeps pressing in on Him, so He asks Simon Peter to put the boat out and let Him teach from the boat -- this frees up the maximum amount of space along the seashore -- allows everyone to see, and the natural amplification of the water let's everybody hear what Jesus was saying

    -- after the sermon was over, Jesus tells Peter to "Put out into the deep water and let's catch some fish." -- and Peter finally does so, and he and his partners end up catching so many fish their boats almost sink

 

    -- that's the story that we just read -- that's what we see on the surface -- now, let's look a little deeper and think about what's going on from the angle of love

    -- As Jesus began to teach the people, He had a choice of how to love them -- He could have erosed them, or phileosed them or He could have agaped them

 

    -- His first challenge was how to manage the crowd.

    -- If He had erosed them, He would have said to Himself, "I love it when this happens. I love it when a crowd comes to adore me." -- If the men and women had started pushing and shoving to get closer, Jesus would have pushed them back and said, "Careful! If you get rough with Me, I'll stop the lesson and you won't be able to learn any more today." -- Eros love is always about yourself -- what I can get out of this

    -- If Jesus had phileosed them, He would have said to Himself, "This is so great. We're all here together to learn. I need to manage this thing so that none of us gets hurt." -- With this perspective, most likely He would have organized the people and asked them to treat each other nicely, and then gone on with His sermon. -- Phileo love looks out for the interest of the group -- what works best for my friends? -- how can we get the most out of this situation

    -- but Jesus didn't employ either of those kinds of love -- honestly, I think it was outside of His nature -- as God -- as the third person of the Godhead, Jesus only knew how to love agape-style -- He only knew how to love unconditionally -- always thinking of someone else -- always putting the interests of others before Him

    -- When the crowd began to grow, instead of thinking, "me," or "we," Jesus thought "them," and "you." -- as the crowd got bigger and bigger, Jesus' thoughts were on them -- "What can I do to serve these people better? -- How can I make it so that they all can hear and no one is getting too crowded or having to stand in the water to listen?"

    -- so Jesus moved Himself into the boat and set it up so everyone could see and hear and feel comfortable -- That's real love, that's agape. – Not, "me," not even, "we," but "you" love.

    -- that's the thing about loving -- it doesn't have to be grand gestures -- it doesn't have to be chocolates and flowers every single day -- true, agape love can be expressed in simple ways by simply answering the question, "What can I do for this other person?"

 

    -- Jesus' second challenge in this story was how to show love to Peter.

    -- If Jesus had been erosing that morning, when the sermon was over, He would have turned to Peter and pointed to Himself -- He would have said, "Wasn't that great! Did you see how responsive those people were to my teaching? -- now you need to serve Me and give Me something to drink" -- but that's not what He did

    -- If Jesus had been phileosing, He would have turned and said, "Well, God was good, wasn't He? I think everybody had a good time today, don't you?"

    -- Jesus doesn't do either of those things -- Instead, He loves in the better way -- When the sermon was over, instead of thinking about Himself, or even thinking about everyone there, He thought about Peter. "Hey Pete," He says, "Let's go catch some fish!"

    -- And in His better way of loving, Jesus sets it up so that Peter experiences the catch of his life.

    -- it's easy to miss in this passage if you're not looking for it -- what would have made the most sense for Jesus to do -- He's been sitting there in the boat for a long time teaching and preaching to the crowd -- I'm sure He was exhausted -- He probably was thirsty and could have been hungry, too -- it would have made more sense for Jesus to take care of Himself -- but that's not agape love

    -- so what did Jesus do? -- He focused on Peter and on Peter's needs -- Jesus didn't need the fish -- He didn't need the exercise -- He didn't need to spend the extra few hours in the burning sun -- But Jesus wasn't in the boat for Himself -- He was in the boat for Peter -- So after the sermon was over, He just loved Peter in a way Peter could understand

 

    -- we see this in every story about Jesus in the Bible -- in the passage right after this one, Luke tells us about Jesus healing a man with leprosy -- leprosy is a highly contagious disease -- and in Jesus' day, no one would ever touch a leper -- not only would it make them unclean in the eyes of the church -- but they might catch leprosy themselves -- so lepers lived like outcasts -- always on the fringe of society -- always longing for a glance -- for a touch -- for something that would make them feel human again

    -- and how did Jesus love them? -- if He loved them with eros love, He would say, "I can't run the risk of touching them -- what if I caught leprosy?" -- if He loved them with phileo love, Jesus would say, "It's better for all of us that I don't touch them -- I need to remain clean and focus on my mission for everyone -- it's for the good of the ministry"

    -- Jesus didn't do that -- Jesus loved them with agape love -- before He healed them -- while they were still unclean -- while they were still contagious -- Jesus did something for them that no one had in a long, long time -- He looked at them and met their need -- He thought of them first -- He agape'd them -- and so, before He healed them, He always touched them

    -- and that's important -- He loved them as they were -- they didn't have to be clean to be loved by Jesus -- that would have been relating to them with eros or phileo love -- Jesus loved them with agape love, just as they were

 

    -- can you imagine what our world would be like if all of us loved like that -- if in all of our relationships with other people -- our family -- our friends -- our acquaintances -- we loved them unconditionally -- not thinking about what we could get out of this -- not even thinking about what our group could get out of this -- but thinking about what the other person needed?

    -- wouldn't the world be a better place if all of us loved like that?

 

III. Closing

    -- O.K., I'm going to wrap this up now and I'm going to give you a few principles to help you think about this better way of loving

 

    1. Better love thinks about others more than self -- can you see that from this story? -- can you see that in the example of Jesus

    -- the first Promise Keepers conference I went to, Bishop Larry Jackson preached on this subject -- he was calling men to love their wives -- to think of their wives -- before themselves

    -- there's one thing that a lot of men have problems with -- and that's taking out the trash -- and Bishop Jackson pointed out that we should love our wives enough to think of their needs first -- even the need to take the trash out

    -- and he made this statement that I think sums up this type of love -- he said that the state of our trashcan symbolized the state of our love for our wife -- if our trashcan is overflowing -- if it's dirty and stinking because it's just been sitting there and we've just been thinking of ourselves and we haven't wanted to carry it out without being asked -- then that's how we're loving our wife

    -- Jesus tells us here to love with agape love -- to think about others more than ourselves

 

    2. Better love makes the first move

    -- better love initiates the friendship rather than waiting for the other person to initiate it -- it was Jesus' idea to go fishing, not Peter's -- it was Jesus who called Peter to follow Him -- it wasn't Peter's idea -- love takes the first step -- it's proactive -- not reactive -- it doesn't wait for others to begin the friendship -- it doesn't wait for others to love first -- it makes the first move

    -- getting back to the trash can -- better love says you take out the trash before you're asked -- you don't wait for the can to be overflowing -- you don't wait for the trash to be falling on the floor -- you don't wait for your wife to ask you -- you make the first move -- you anticipate the needs of others -- and you take the first step to love them

 

    3. Better love takes risks -- agape love is risky -- giving yourself to another person -- putting their needs before your own is risky -- just think about what Jesus did when He touched the lepers -- Jesus may have been fully God, but He was also fully man -- if He was to fully experience a human life, He would have to be fully open to all of our temptations and to all of our risks -- there's no indication that Jesus was immune to leprosy -- He could have caught leprosy from the lepers He touched -- then, where would we have been? -- Jesus took a risk because of love

    -- if you're going to agape someone, you're taking a risk -- they might take advantage of you -- they might not return the love -- it is a risk on your part -- but you have to accept that risk to experience a better way of loving -- you will never know what true agape love is like until you risk it with another person

 

    4. Better love goes the last 10% -- better love gives it all -- it doesn't hold anything back

    -- one of my favorite movies is the comedy with Will Smith called "Hitch" -- in this movie, Will Smith is an expert on love -- but he's an expert in eros love -- and as he's advising Kevin James how to win the girl, he tells him to never, ever, lean in and kiss her -- "only go 90% of the way -- let her come to you -- make her give you the last 10%"

    -- better love -- agape love -- says "go for it" -- it says love with your whole heart -- don't hold anything back -- don't manipulate -- don't try to get the other person to meet you half-way -- don't try to get the other person to love you before you love them -- go the last 10% -- love them with your whole heart -- that is the better way

    -- think about how Jesus loved us -- He didn't just love us 90% -- He didn't go to the cross and say, "I've done most of the work -- I've done 90% of what is required -- now you have to do the other 10% -- you have to do acts of service -- you have to clean yourself up -- you have to change to make up the other 10% -- and, when you do, then I will love you and save you" -- no, Jesus didn't do that -- Jesus gave all that He had on the cross -- He paid the full price -- 100% of our sin debt -- He touched us and loved us while we were lepers in our hearts -- while we were unclean -- while we were yet sinners

    -- better love goes the last 10%

 

    -- A psychologist once asked a group of children what it meant to love someone else -- in one way, it's surprising how close they came to agape love with their answers -- but, in another way, it's not surprising at all -- isn't that how God intended us to love? -- isn't that how God wanted us to love others? -- we know what agape love is when we see it because we were made to experience it and to give it

    -- listen to their answers:

 

    One little girl said, "WHEN MY GRANDMOTHER GOT ARTHRITIS, SHE COULDN'T BEND OVER AND PAINT HER TOENAILS ANYMORE. SO MY GRANDFATHER DOES IT FOR HER ALL THE TIME, EVEN WHEN HIS HANDS GOT ARTHRITIS TOO. THAT'S LOVE." – REBECCA, AGE 8

 

    Another little girl said, "LOVE IS WHEN YOU GO OUT TO EAT AND GIVE SOMEBODY MOST OF YOUR FRENCH FRIES WITHOUT MAKING THEM GIVE YOU ANY OF THEIRS." – CHRISSY, AGE 6

 

    A little boy said, "LOVE IS WHEN MY MOMMY MAKES COFFEE FOR MY DADDY AND SHE TAKES A SIP BEFORE GIVING IT TO HIM, TO MAKE SURE IT TASTES OKAY." – DANNY, AGE 7

 

    Another said, "IF YOU WANT TO LEARN TO LOVE BETTER, YOU SHOULD START WITH A FRIEND WHO YOU HATE." – NIKKA, AGE 6

 

    -- this last one is pretty good advice, because if you can learn to love a friend you hate, then you know you're not thinking "me," or "we" -- you know you're thinking "you." -- you know you're thinking about their needs -- And you know you're not waiting for them to start -- you're making the first move yourself -- You know you're taking a risk, because they might reject you -- And you know you're going the last 10%, because loving someone you hate is probably the last thing you'd ever want to do.

 

    -- Our world needs a better way of loving. Our friends need a better way of loving. Our families need a better way of loving. We need a better way of loving, and Jesus' way is it -- that's what this entire series was about

    -- to help us to learn how to love -- to not "love when" -- to not "love because" -- but rather, to "love regardless of."

 

    -- Who do you need to love this way today? How will you love them this way?

 

    -- None of us are going to become better at loving by accident -- It's very unlikely that any of us will drift into becoming more loving people -- The drift in life is always in the direction of ease and slothfulness -- It's always toward getting the world to rotate more towards our agenda, not us towards others'.

    --But we can do this -- If we think about it -- if we pray about it -- talk about it -- work on it -- we can develop a better way of loving.

    -- So who will you love this way today? And how will you do it?

 

    -- I'm going to close now in prayer, but before I do, let me remind you that I have your final love dare challenge on the back table -- and let me remind you that if you need to feel love today -- if you need to experience agape love in your life -- this altar is open for you

    -- let's pray

 

SERMON: Fireproof Sermon 5: Forgiveness

FIREPROOF SERMON SERIES:

SERMON 5-- FORGIVENESS

15 March 2009

 

I. Introduction

    -- turn in Bibles to Matthew 18

 

21. Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"

22. Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.

23. "Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants.

24. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him.

25. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.

26. "The servant fell on his knees before him. `Be patient with me,' he begged, `and I will pay back everything.'

27. The servant's master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.

28. "But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii. He grabbed him and began to choke him. `Pay back what you owe me!' he demanded.

29. "His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, `Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.'

30. "But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt.

31. When the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told their master everything that had happened.

32. "Then the master called the servant in. `You wicked servant,' he said, `I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to.

33. Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?'

34. In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.

35. "This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart."

 

    -- you know, there are some people I just don't understand -- they seem to walk in a different world than me -- they seem to be filled with a strength that I don't possess -- with knowledge that I can never gain -- with a heart and the capacity to love that I will never measure up to

    -- in my life, I have seen these people myself -- I have read stories about people who were like them -- and every time I come into contact with them -- either through knowing them myself or hearing about their stories -- I am amazed and fascinated by their capacity to love and to live out their faith

    -- as you could probably guess from the passage that we opened with, I am talking about those people who have suffered a grievous wrong in their life but who still found it possible to totally and completely forgive the person or persons who wronged them

    -- remember a couple of years ago when Charles Roberts went into a one-room Amish schoolhouse in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania and took the children hostage -- eventually killing five girls between the ages of 6 and 13 before he committed suicide

    -- for weeks, the nation was fascinated with this story -- not so much the horrific story of the events in the schoolhouse, but the story of how the Amish parents and the Amish community responded with forgiveness and love to the Roberts family in the aftermath of the event

    -- how would you have responded? -- what if it was your family -- your children -- your grandchildren -- that were killed? -- I shudder to think what the response of my heart might be

    -- but the Amish responded with forgiveness and reconciliation to the Roberts family -- immediately after the shooting, Jack Meyer, a member of the Brethren community living near the Amish in Lancaster County, explained: "I don't think there's anybody here that wants to do anything but forgive and not only reach out to those who have suffered a loss in that way but to reach out to the family of the man who committed these acts." [Wikipedia: Amish School Shooting]

    -- hours after the shooting, members of the Amish community visited Roberts' widow, parents, and in-laws and extended forgiveness to them -- "One Amish man held Roberts' sobbing father in his arms, reportedly for as long as an hour, to comfort him" and 30 members of the Amish community actually attended the funeral of the man who had killed their children

    -- Marie Roberts, the widow of the killer, wrote a letter to her Amish neighbors thanking them for their forgiveness, grace, and mercy. -- She wrote, "Your love for our family has helped to provide the healing we so desperately need. Gifts you've given have touched our hearts in a way no words can describe. Your compassion has reached beyond our family, beyond our community, and is changing our world, and for this we sincerely thank you."[Wikipedia: Amish School Shooting]

 

    -- how can we explain such selfless love and forgiveness -- how is this even possible? -- truthfully, it isn't, apart from the love of Christ Jesus -- it is only through the agape love of Christ -- it is only after experiencing the forgiveness from God for all of the sins that we have committed that we are even remotely capable of forgiving in a similar manner

    -- we've been going through this series called, "Fireproofing Our Relationships," for some time now -- we've talked about ways to strengthen our relationships and I've give you challenges each week to help you build on the skills we talked about

    -- this morning, I want to talk to you about the one of the most important skills and actions involved in successful relationships, friendships, and marriages -- that skill is forgiveness -- great relationships are forged in the fire with the tongs of love and forgiveness -- this morning, I want to show you a better way to forgive

    -- we've talked about forgiveness before -- and we'll talk about it again -- because forgiving is not easy -- when we're called on to forgive someone, it's not because they did something that doesn't really matter -- you never have to forgive someone for helping you or making you smile or making you feel good -- no, the only time you have to forgive is when you've been hurt -- and no hurt is a small matter

    -- to have successful relationships, we have to learn to forgive -- we have to learn to love so much that we can forgive the hurts that we have received

    -- sometimes, we even have to forgive when the other person doesn't come to us asking for forgiveness -- this is why the concept of a covenant relationship is so important -- a covenant relationship says that you will love regardless of what the other person does -- that means even if they don't love you back as you deserve -- that means even if they wrong you or hurt you -- you will love them -- and that means you will forgive them for what they have done

    -- this is not easy -- and that is why stories like that of the Amish so capture our imagination and our attention -- because in our heart of hearts, we long to have a forgiving nature like them

 

    -- forgiveness in a relationship not only means forgiving the other person for any wrongs they might have committed against us -- it also means that we recognize the times that we hurt them -- whether intentionally or unintentionally -- and that we come to them in humbleness and apologize and ask for their forgiveness

    -- in this clip that we're about to see, you're going to see one of the best apologies that you'll ever witness in a movie -- after weeks of trying to restore his marriage, Caleb Holt asks his wife to forgive him -- watch this.. [Show Clip 5]

 

II. The Requirement to Forgive

    -- let's look again at what the Bible has to say about forgiveness

    -- before we turn to the passage again, let me give you the context -- this passage is found within a larger teaching by Jesus on sin and forgiveness from sin -- Jesus begins by warning His disciples to avoid sin and to be careful that their actions don't lead anyone else into sin -- especially children and little ones in the faith -- "Don't be the person who causes someone else to fall," He tells them -- and then He turns to the subject of forgiveness

    -- first, Jesus talks about how the Father forgives all of those who have sinned against Him -- He tells them the parable of the lost sheep and says that God will not let even one sinner get away without offering His forgiveness -- His forgiveness is so great that He'll leave the 99 to go get the one who has wandered off

    -- and then, Jesus teaches His disciples that they should forgive that way as well -- "when someone sins against you," He says, "work it out between you -- offer God's forgiveness to them and forgive them of what they have done"

    -- which brings us to verse 21 and Peter's question on the subject of forgiveness

    -- look now at verse 21

 

21. Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"

 

    -- now Peter has been standing there listening to all of Jesus' teachings on sin and forgiveness -- and it seems like he just wants to puff himself up before the others -- he's trying to establish himself as the leader and as the one who really gets it -- who really understands what Jesus has been saying -- so he turns to Jesus and asks, "how many times should I forgive someone who sins against me -- even up to seven times?"

    -- you get the sense that Peter is fishing for a compliment -- I think that he hoped that Jesus would praise him for his question -- you see, the Talmud -- the teachings of the rabbis based on the Old Testament law -- the Talmud said that you only had to forgive someone three times -- the fourth time, it was up to you how to respond -- you could forgive them or you could hold it against them

    -- Peter is, in essence, saying to Jesus -- "Look how holy and forgiving I am -- I would forgive someone not just three times -- but all the way up to seven times -- isn't that the right way to do it?"

    -- but look at Jesus' response -- verse 22

 

22. Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.

 

-- you can almost sense the humor in Jesus' reply -- "Peter, not seven times but seventy-seven times" -- some translations say "seventy times seven times" -- this was an enormous number -- the only way you could do that would be to carry a book around with you and keep track of how many times someone wronged you

    -- what would happen in a marriage if you kept a list of how many times that you were hurt by your spouse? -- how long would it take to get to 77? -- it probably wouldn't take long -- especially when you consider how different men and women are -- how we look at things differently -- there are many times that we probably hurt each other unintentionally simply because we are different people

    -- and if you reached 77 times that you forgave them, what would you do? -- quit? -- get a divorce?

    -- Jesus was trying to make a point -- your forgiveness to others should be like the Father's -- the Father doesn't keep track of how many times you sin and how many times you come before Him -- He doesn't quit forgiving you at three or seven or seventy-seven -- He forgives every time -- and so should you -- in other words, Jesus is saying, "don't limit your forgiveness but let it flow out of your heart without ceasing"

 

III. Parable of Forgiveness

    -- Jesus made that perfectly clear in the parable that He told right after He spoke to Peter -- look at verse 23

 

23. "Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants.

 

    -- every sin that we commit is a debt to God -- as David said in Psalm 51, "Against you and you only have I sinned" -- all of our sins are stacking up against us as a debt against God -- borrowing against His mercy -- and at some point, that debt is going to have to be paid -- He's going to settle His accounts with us

    -- verse 24

 

24. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him.

 

-- stop right there -- ten thousand talents in today's money would be somewhere between one and ten million dollars -- we're talking about a lot of money here that this servant owed the king

    -- that's like our sins -- they grow larger and larger and larger until they reach an amount that we never could hope to repay

    -- verse 25

 

25. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.

26. "The servant fell on his knees before him. `Be patient with me,' he begged, `and I will pay back everything.'

27. The servant's master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.

 

-- the king looked at the man and understood his hopeless situation -- there was no way to work off the debt, try as he might -- and so the king had pity on the man and showed mercy and grace

    -- mercy -- not giving him what he deserved -- not selling the man and his wife and his children into slavery to repay the debt like he deserved -- and grace -- giving him what he did not deserve -- wiping the man's debt totally clean -- marking the account "paid in full"

    -- what a beautiful picture of the forgiveness of the King -- of the mercy and the grace of God through Christ Jesus -- forgiving us a debt so great that we could never hope to repay it -- no matter how long we worked -- no matter how many sacrifices we made

    -- verse 28

 

28. "But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii. He grabbed him and began to choke him. `Pay back what you owe me!' he demanded.

29. "His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, `Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.'

30. "But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt.

 

-- now this fellow who has been forgiven a debt of over one million dollars goes out and finds a fellow servant who owes him only a hundred denarii -- that's less than $100 -- and he demands that the servant pay him back immediately -- and when he can't, he has him thrown into prison until the debt is paid back in full

    -- the one who was shown mercy has shows none to another -- the one who was shown grace offers none to another

    -- verse 31

 

31. When the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told their master everything that had happened.

32. "Then the master called the servant in. `You wicked servant,' he said, `I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to.

33. Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?'

34. In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.

 

-- the master calls this man a "wicked" servant -- not wicked because he had accrued a debt of over a million dollars -- but wicked because he has refused to show mercy to another

    -- after being forgiven so great a debt, how could this man not forgive such a lesser debt owed him? -- and so the king has the man thrown into prison to be tortured until he can pay back all of the money he originally owed

    -- now look at Jesus' final summary of this parable and of all His teachings on the topic of forgiveness -- verse 35

 

35. "This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart."

 

    -- this parable makes it clear -- as a Christian, we have a duty to forgive -- it is not a choice, but a requirement -- if we are going to enjoy the forgiveness of God for the sins that we have committed against Him, then we have to extend His forgiveness to those who sin against us -- to those who hurt us -- especially to those we are in a relationship with

 

III. Steps to Forgiveness

    -- In his tape LIVING FAITH (Random House Audio Books, 1996), President Jimmy Carter shares that forgiveness is fundamental to his life -- He says that without the knowledge that he can be forgiven, it would be impossible for him to face his own shortcomings -- This even includes forgiving himself

    -- Jimmy points out that both he and his wife, Rosalyn, are "strong-willed" people who find it difficult to admit being at fault -- so one day, after a knock-down drag-out argument with his wife, Jimmy decided that he would never let another day end with each of them angry with the other

    -- he went out to his wood shop and cut a thin piece of walnut, a little smaller than a bank check -- On it, he carved the words, "Every evening -- forever -- this plaque is good for an apology or forgiveness, whatever you desire." -- he went in and gave it to Rosalyn and told her that he was sorry

    -- with this plaque, Jimmy created a climate of forgiveness between the two of them -- because he knew that she would forgive him, he said that he was quick to admit his faults -- and because he knew that she would forgive him when he hurt her, he was also quick to forgive her when she had done something wrong to him

 

    -- so, how do we create this climate of forgiveness in our own relationships? -- how does this work in the real world?

    -- real quick, I want to lead you through the process of forgiveness -- and as we go through this, keep in mind that this is a process -- you might forgive someone today for hurting you and then find you're still angry with them tomorrow -- that's o.k. -- that's natural -- that's human nature -- if that's the case, then just go back through the steps again -- how ever many times you need to -- until you find that you have truly and completely forgiven the person who wronged you

    -- don't worry about writing these down -- I've got them printed out for you and you can pick them up as a reminder on the way out of the door -- I'm going to do this fast, so hang on with me

 

    -- so, how do I forgive?

 

1. MAKE A DECISION TO FORGIVE.

    -- If you wait until you feel like forgiving, you'll never get there. Being hurt is an emotional event, and emotions don't heal by themselves. They heal with the help of your will. First, make a decision to forgive. Later, your feelings will follow.

    -- a few years ago I was hurt by a man who misread, misunderstood and misjudged me -- he even filed a complaint against me at work and said all kind of hurtful things about me and my actions -- and I realized that I was resentful -- I was harboring hatred in my heart against this man -- and I needed to forgive him -- but I didn't know how -- I didn't know where he was and I couldn't call him and talk to him because of the complaint he filed -- I didn't know how to forgive

    -- but God showed me that I didn't have to talk to him to forgive him -- it didn't matter that he didn't come to me and ask for forgiveness -- God showed me that it wasn't about him so much as it was about me -- I needed to forgive him because it was my heart that was hurt -- forgiving is more about you than about the other person -- and it all starts with the decision to forgive

 

2. SAY THE WORDS—AT LEAST TO YOURSELF.

    -- When I forgave this person, I actually said the words in my mind: "I forgive you." -- There is something tangible that happens in your heart when you release someone from the wrong they have done to you. -- It starts with your will, so even if you don't feel like it, once you make the decision, say to yourself, "I forgive him," or, "I forgive her." Your feelings will follow.

    -- Listen to this part carefully: I didn't say the words to person who had hurt me, I just said the words aloud, to myself and to God -- I didn't say the words to the man, because that would have just brought the issue up, and bringing the issue up wasn't the issue, the forgiveness was

    -- Clara Barton was the founder of the American Red Cross -- One day a friend reminded her of a particularly hateful thing someone had done to her years before -- When she ignored the comment and acted as if she had never heard of it, her friend called the conversation back

    -- "Don't you remember that?" she asked. -- "No," said Barton. "I distinctly remember forgetting it."

    -- Sometimes we make forgiveness far too complicated by stirring up the water under the bridge -- The best kind of forgiveness forgives and then lets the past stay in the past.

 

3. WHEN YOU FORGIVE, FORGIVE.

    -- the word that Jesus uses here in this passage is the Greek word, "Macrothumia" -- "Macro" means "big" -- and "thumia" refers to "wrath or anger" -- so, Jesus is saying that we should forgive by putting aside our big anger -- putting aside our hurt -- our right for revenge – put your anger aside, put your hurt, your resentment, your right to revenge aside.

    -- this is not saying that you should constantly let someone wrong you or hurt you -- when there is a need to confront, confront -- get it out into the open so it can be healed -- but when you've reached the stage where you need to forgive someone else, don't cast blame -- don't bring up old issues -- don't try to score points or set yourself up to win the next round -- when you forgive, forgive and put the issue behind you

 

Step 4…

4. FORGIVE COMPLETELY.

    -- in Colossians 3:13, Paul writes, "forgive as the Lord forgave you" -- in other words -- forgive like Jesus forgave you -- forgive in the same way that He forgave you -- how did Jesus forgive?

    -- did he forgive begrudgingly? -- did He forgive only in part? -- did He forgive in a way that made Him look good? -- did He wait until we deserved forgiveness?

    -- no, Jesus forgave us wholly and completely without reservation -- without looking back -- before we even knew we needed forgiveness, Jesus forgave us

    -- this may be the case in a lot of our lives -- we might find ourselves forgiving others before they even know that they need forgiveness -- and when we forgive, we have to do so completely

 

5. FORGIVE REPEATEDLY.

    -- Forrest Gump said that "life is like a box of chocolates" -- well, forgiveness is like peeling an onion -- we begin by peeling the outer layer, but after we take that off, what's left -- more onion -- more to be forgiven -- more anger to be set aside

    -- when we've been hurt so deeply that we really need to forgive someone else, then it's going to be like peeling an onion -- we peel off one layer -- we forgive them one day -- and then we have to do it all over again -- maybe the next day or the next week or the next year -- when you forgive, realize that you may have to forgive the same offense more than once -- not because the offense needs to be forgiven multiple times, but because we need to set aside our anger multiple times

    -- as Jesus tells us in this passage, "Forgive repeatedly."

 

6. FORGIVING DOESN'T MEAN FORGETTING AND FORGIVING DOESN'T MEAN TRUSTING

 

    -- When someone hurts you deeply, your brain records it -- It's there, you can't forget it -- the Bible tells us that God can forget our wrongs -- that when we sin against Him and ask Him to forgive us for what we've done, He puts our sin in the sea of forgetfulness -- God is the only person capable of truly forgetting when someone has wronged Him

    -- we're not God -- we can't do that -- we might forget for a while, but it's going to come back up again -- so what do we do -- we just "macrothumia" it -- we just lay it aside -- we just let our wrath go -- and try to forget again

    -- one problem people have with forgiving is that they think forgiving means they have to trust that person again -- that's not true -- forgiveness is about letting go of the anger in your heart -- forgiveness is about healing yourself -- not the other person

    -- when someone establishes a pattern of untrustworthy behavior, you can't trust them. -- It wouldn't make sense -- So, when a repeat offender continues to wrong you, you forgive them -- And if they want to restore the relationship, then you set up a system by which they can prove that they really have changed

    -- forgiveness can happen quickly because it is unilateral -- it only requires an action on your part -- trust, on the other hand, has to be earned -- it takes time, because it involves a relationship between two people

    -- Here's an important distinction: --FORGIVENESS MUST BE GRANTED, IT CAN'T BE EARNED. -- TRUST CAN'T BE GRANTED. IT MUST BE EARNED.

 

IV. Closing

    -- forgiveness is a gift from God -- through Christ, God forgave us for the sins that we committed -- He refused to pour out His vengeance and wrath on us but offered His very Son as a sacrifice to ensure that justice was done -- and, once justice was served, God poured out His blessings on us -- on the very people that once had trespassed against Him

    -- in the same way, God calls for us to forgive others that have trespassed against us -- He knows that our hearts have been hurt and damaged by others -- and He knows that these wounded hearts can keep us from loving Him and loving others as He wants

    -- so, He encourages us to offer forgiveness to others in our hearts -- so that in the process of forgiveness we might find healing from the hatred and bitterness and resentment that we have built up in our lives

 

    -- when I went to my first Kairos -- the prison ministry similar to the Walk to Emmaus -- I saw the power of forgiveness in the life of another person -- those men in that place had deeply wounded hearts -- they were not only held in physical bars in that place, but they were bound up with spiritual bars of hatred and resentment and unforgiveness to others in their lives

    -- a lot of them were in prison because of the hurts that others had inflicted upon them -- their wives -- their fathers -- their mothers -- friends -- others they knew

    -- as part of the weekend, we led them through the process of forgiveness and helped them to release the hurts in their hearts through the power of Christ

    -- and I watched as those men wept with joy for the first time in their lives -- as they forgave those who hurt them and as they were freed to allow the blessing and salvation of God into their hearts -- relationships may not have been restored that weekend, but lives were changed through the healing power of forgiveness

    -- there is power in forgiveness -- and that is why Jesus commands us in the Lord's Prayer to pray daily, "Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us"

 

    -- as I finally come to a close, let's talk about this week's Love Challenge -- the past four Love Challenges have all been things that you had to go home and do -- today's Love Challenge is something that you can do right here -- right now

    -- here is want I want to challenge you to do -- as I close in prayer, we're going to have a moment of silence -- and in that quiet place, I want you to search your hearts and see if there is someone that you need to forgive -- someone who has wronged you -- someone who has hurt you

    -- and then I want you to pray with me as we offer forgiveness to them through the power of Christ -- not necessarily for their sake -- but for the healing that will come in your own heart as a result of forgiving them and putting your anger and wrath aside

    -- let us pray

SERMON: Fireproof Sermon 4: Breaking Free

FIREPROOF SERMON SERIES:

SERMON 4 -- BREAKING FREE

8 March 2009

 

I. Introduction

    -- turn in Bibles to 1 Corinthians 10

 

1. For I do not want you to be ignorant of the fact, brothers, that our forefathers were all under the cloud and that they all passed through the sea.

2. They were all baptized into Moses in the cloud and in the sea.

3. They all ate the same spiritual food

4. and drank the same spiritual drink; for they drank from the spiritual rock that accompanied them, and that rock was Christ.

5. Nevertheless, God was not pleased with most of them; their bodies were scattered over the desert.

6. Now these things occurred as examples to keep us from setting our hearts on evil things as they did.

7. Do not be idolaters, as some of them were; as it is written: "The people sat down to eat and drink and got up to indulge in pagan revelry."

8. We should not commit sexual immorality, as some of them did--and in one day twenty-three thousand of them died.

9. We should not test the Lord, as some of them did--and were killed by snakes.

10. And do not grumble, as some of them did--and were killed by the destroying angel.

11. These things happened to them as examples and were written down as warnings for us, on whom the fulfillment of the ages has come.

12. So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall!

13. No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

 

 

    -- there's a commercial that's on TV right now that I've been thinking about lately -- you might have seen it -- it's about a firefighter -- and the commercial says something along the lines of "Captain Smith is a big man -- strong and determined and capable -- but even though he's big, he wasn't prepared for the small thing that almost took his life" -- and it goes on to talk about how a blood clot caused a stroke in his life and how this new drug is keeping him safe from it ever happening again

    -- you know, as a wildlife biologist, I have to deal with a lot of big and scary things -- I handle alligators -- I catch foxes and raccoons -- I have to take care of wounded deer -- I deal with a lot of animals that could harm you if you're not careful -- but, truth be told, I don't really worry about them a whole lot

    -- if you want to know what really scares me, it's the little things that I have to deal with -- I had to handle a bat this week -- and so all week I've been kind of worried about rabies -- a tiny little virus -- so little you can't even see it without a powerful microscope -- but this little parasite can get in your blood and will cause certain death if it's not treated

    -- I also worry about other parasites -- ticks and red bugs -- mosquitoes and other biting insects -- but I'm especially worried about a tiny tapeworm called Echinococcus multilocularis -- anyone in here ever hear of it? -- no -- no one really knows about it -- but this is what I did my Master's on -- if you get infected with this tapeworm, it is 100% fatal -- there is no cure -- it may take years, but you will die from it -- and there's many other tapeworms and parasites out there in nature that I worry about

    -- you know, in our spiritual lives, we do a pretty good job at the big stuff -- like I said a few weeks ago, we watch out for the elephants and the hippopotamus's and all the other big things that can come in our Christian life and in our relationships with others

    -- but we don't do such a good job at watching out for the small things -- for the parasites that can come in unaware and set you up for a big fall

 

    -- this morning, we're continuing in our sermon series based on the movie Fireproof -- and in this movie, as the main character Caleb Holt tries to rebuild his life and his relationship with his wife, he finds himself hampered because of parasites in his own life

    -- if you would, let's watch this clip from the movie

    

    [Show Video Session 4]

 

    -- I really like that quote from this clip that Caleb read from "The Love Dare," -- "Watch out for parasites -- a parasite is anything that latches onto you or your partner and sucks the life out of your marriage -- they're normally in the form of addictions like gambling, drugs, or pornography -- they promise pleasure, but grow like a disease and consume more and more of your thoughts, time and money -- they steal away your loyalty and your heart from those you love"

 

    -- Gambling, drugs, pornography… parasites -- parasites don't have to be addictions, but they frequently are -- right here in our own community, these three parasites of gambling, drugs, and pornography are rampant

    -- while we don't have casinos here, we do have gambling -- we've got the lottery -- we've got poker -- we've got Jai Lai and dog races and betting on football and basketball and everything else right here in our backyard and on our computers at home

    -- we don't even have to really mention the problems with alcoholism and drug addictions -- they're rampant in our community -- just read the paper -- just watch the news -- and you'll see how family after family is being torn apart by these evils

    -- and with the advent of the internet, pornography is no longer something that you have to go out to find -- used to be, if you wanted to look at pornography, people would have to go to a store and buy a magazine -- but now, with the internet in over 90% of our homes, people can sit right there in the comfort of their own bedrooms and be infected with parasites and no one has to know

    -- Promise Keepers -- the international men's Christian organization -- did a poll among men who attended their conferences to identify the top issues and struggles that impeded their spiritual growth -- 62% of these men indicated pornography and sexual sin -- keep in mind that these are not just random men -- these are not even just men who come to church on Sundays -- these are dedicated, Godly men who are actively participating in a men's movement to become better husbands and fathers and sons -- 62% of them struggle with sexual sin -- the number is even higher among the general population of the U.S. -- the authors of XXXChurch.com estimate that more than 90% of the men in this country are involved with pornography at some level in their lives

    -- parasites -- small things that are threatening to suck the life out of our relationships and our walks with God -- it may not be the more obvious addictions like gambling and drugs and sexual sin -- it may be one of a hundred other things that is threatening to infect you and lead you away -- a few weeks ago I mentioned to you that every temptation you face falls into one of three categories -- lust of the eyes -- lust of the flesh -- or pride of life

    -- all of us have our own demons -- all of us have areas in our lives where we are weak and vulnerable -- for some of us it may be pornography -- for some of us it may be drugs and alcohol use -- for some of us it may be lying or gossiping -- for some of us it might be pride or a judgmental nature

    -- regardless of what areas we may struggle within our personal lives, if we're not careful, these areas can be open doors to allowing parasites into our lives and our relationships

    -- in this passage that we opened with, the Apostle Paul is dealing with parasites in the church of Corinth

 

II. Scripture Lesson

    -- let's look back at this passage in a little more detail -- as we look back, let me give you a reminder of the background and context of this letter -- the church at Corinth was a carnal church -- it was a mixed church of Jews and Gentiles -- and the people there were struggling with internal forces -- with parasites, if you will, that were threatening to rip it apart from the inside out

    -- some of the Christians there were struggling with pride as they sought the more visible and more recognizable spiritual gifts

    -- others were struggling with lust as they continued to follow the pagan practices of incorporating sex and worship -- others were struggling in areas of power and prestige -- while others were succumbing to various other types of temptations and sins

    -- so Paul wrote this epistle to the church of Corinth to warn them of the dangerous path they were following -- to encourage them to follow the path of Christ and to turn away from all the parasites that were threatening their Christian community and their own Christian faith

 

    -- look back at verse 1

 

1. For I do not want you to be ignorant of the fact, brothers, that our forefathers were all under the cloud and that they all passed through the sea.

2. They were all baptized into Moses in the cloud and in the sea.

3. They all ate the same spiritual food

4. and drank the same spiritual drink; for they drank from the spiritual rock that accompanied them, and that rock was Christ.

5. Nevertheless, God was not pleased with most of them; their bodies were scattered over the desert.

 

    -- Paul began this warning by reminding them of their spiritual heritage -- for the Jews in their midst, Paul went back to the seminal event in Jewish history -- the exodus from Egypt -- when God intervened in their lives and sent Moses to lead the people of Israel out of slavery and into freedom by crossing through the Red Sea

    -- Paul reminds them that the whole nation of Israel left Egypt and that, for a time, the whole nation followed God

    -- Paul says, "our forefathers were all under the cloud" -- as you remember, when God led the people of Israel in the wilderness, He manifested Himself as a cloud by day and a pillar of fire at night -- when the cloud moved forward, the people followed -- when the cloud stopped, the people stopped -- they followed God's direction

    -- likewise, Paul says that they "were all baptized into Moses...in the sea" -- this refers to their crossing through the Red Sea as God parted the sea and made a path for them to cross on dry land -- to be "baptized" into Moses meant that they identified with his faith -- they trusted in the God who had sent him -- and only those who were baptized into Moses -- only those who followed him through the sea to the other side -- were saved from the wrath of the Egyptians -- the people who were baptized into Moses were the ones who received and accepted the presence of God in their lives and the promise of eternal life through Him alone

    -- Paul reminded them of God's divine sustenance in their lives -- of the spiritual food -- the manna -- that He sent to feed them for 40 years in the wilderness -- and of their spiritual drink -- the water He brought forth from the rock that Moses hit with his staff -- both symbols of God's presence in the life of the church of Corinth as experienced through Christ Jesus -- the Bread of Life and the Living Water

    -- in short, Paul is saying, "Our forefathers believed, too -- our ancestors were people of faith -- they trusted God enough to follow Him when He led them as a cloud or as a pillar of fire -- they trusted Him to lead them through the waters of the Red Sea to salvation, although it looked like there was no hope -- and they trusted Him to provide them with their daily bread and with the water of life

    -- they were just like you -- you are the church in Corinth -- you proclaim the name of Christ -- you proclaim faith in the God of Israel -- but, if you aren't careful, you will follow their path into spiritual destruction, too"

 

    -- verse 6

 

6. Now these things occurred as examples to keep us from setting our hearts on evil things as they did.

 

-- Paul wrote, "the reason these things happened -- the reason I'm telling them to you -- is so they might serve as an example to you -- as a warning to you"

    -- I've got a poster in my office -- it shows a ship, sort of like the Titanic, that is sinking into the water -- it's about half-way down in the water and the only thing you can see is the bow of the ship sticking straight up out of the water -- and the caption says, "Perhaps you exist only to serve as a warning to others"

    -- that's the same thought here -- Paul is telling the Corinthians to pay attention to the example of the early Israelites so that they don't displease God and suffer the consequences for their actions

 

    -- verse 7

 

7. Do not be idolaters, as some of them were; as it is written: "The people sat down to eat and drink and got up to indulge in pagan revelry."

8. We should not commit sexual immorality, as some of them did--and in one day twenty-three thousand of them died.

9. We should not test the Lord, as some of them did--and were killed by snakes.

10. And do not grumble, as some of them did--and were killed by the destroying angel.

11. These things happened to them as examples and were written down as warnings for us, on whom the fulfillment of the ages has come.

 

-- did you notice the words of warning in this passage? -- evil -- idolatry -- sexual immorality -- testing the Lord -- grumbling -- parasites of temptation and sin

    -- keep in mind who Paul is talking about here -- Paul is not talking about the world -- he's not talking about the people that you brush shoulders with on a daily basis -- he's talking about people of faith -- people who had seen the hand of God working mightily in their midst

    -- these were men and women who had seen God inflict the Egyptians with plagues -- these were men and women who had watched God part the Red Sea and let them through -- these were men and women who had seen and followed the cloud and the pillar of fire in the wilderness -- who were fed by the manna -- who drank from the rock -- these were people who knew God -- and yet the parasites still came into their midst

    -- and so Paul is warning the Corinthians and he's warning us, "Be careful -- this happened to them -- these were mighty men and women of God and they let parasites creep into their lives and suck their spiritual vigor -- they let parasites come in and drain their spiritual lives -- and they reaped the consequences of their actions -- don't let it happen to you"

 

    -- verse 12

 

12. So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall!

 

-- in verse 12, Paul is giving a warning to those who considered themselves strong in the faith -- it's a sad fact of life that those who are the strongest -- those who are the biggest -- seem to fall the hardest

    -- we have seen this in the Christian community in recent history -- back in the 80's and 90's, we had the televangelist scandal -- where many well-known Christian leaders and preachers -- people who were on radio and television and who were seen publicly declaring their faith and calling for people to turn to Christ -- were publicly disgraced as they succumbed to the parasites of temptation and sin in their personal lives

    -- and more recently, we had the story of Ted Haggard -- the charismatic leader of New Life Church in Colorado Springs, Colorado, and the former president of the National Association of Evangelicals -- it was widely assumed that Reverend Haggard would assume the role of the nation's evangelical leadership when Billy Graham died

    -- but, as Paul wrote here, "if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall"

    -- and Haggard fell when his struggles with drug use and homosexuality became known to the public and to the leaders of his church

    -- in his letter of resignation from New Life Church, Haggard wrote, "I am so sorry for the circumstances that have caused shame and embarrassment for all of you.... The fact is I am guilty of sexual immorality, and I take responsibility for the entire problem. I am a deceiver and a liar. There is a part of my life that is so repulsive and dark that I've been warring against it all of my adult life.... The accusations that have been leveled against me are not all true, but enough of them are true that I have been appropriately and lovingly removed from ministry."

    -- parasites in the life of a strong follower of Christ -- "if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall"

 

    -- verse 13

 

13. No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

 

-- finally, encouragement for the weak -- encouragement for us -- Paul tells us, "Don't be surprised when you're tempted -- don't be surprised when the parasites come to call -- but take heart -- you're not alone -- no matter what parasite it is -- no matter what temptation is luring you -- know that you are not alone -- others have had the same temptation in their lives -- and others have survived the test

    -- God is faithful -- He knows what you are capable of withstanding -- and He won't let you be hit with things that you cannot bear -- with temptations that you can't overcome -- when you are tempted, God will provide a way out so that you can stand up under it"

    -- Paul understood the dangers of parasites -- Paul knew too well how they could come into a Christian's life and threaten their vitality -- but Paul also knew that the power of God working through a person could overcome any tests or trials or temptations that might come their way

 

III. Overcoming Temptation

    -- The greatest problem facing human beings today is temptation -- Let me say that again: The greatest problem facing human beings today isn't famine or wars or natural disasters -- Those are problems and they require lots of attention -- But our biggest problem isn't a circumstance, it's a state of the heart issue -- It's temptation -- If we weren't tempted, it would be very hard to get into trouble -- If we didn't get into trouble, we wouldn't start wars or starve our neighbors, or take things that aren't ours -- we wouldn't hurt the people we love, or hurt ourselves the way we so often do -- The greatest challenge facing humanity is temptation.

 

    -- It's a global challenge -- but, it's also a personal challenge -- in this passage, Paul has been warning us to avoid the example of the Israelites -- to not get discouraged when we get tempted because temptation comes to all -- but to be prepared to overcome temptation when it comes our way

    -- the question, then, is how?

    -- well, first, we need to hold on a couple of truths that we learn in verse 13

    -- Number 1 -- every temptation you face has been faced by others -- it involves either lust of the eyes -- lust of the flesh -- or the pride of life -- and no matter what it is, someone else has been there -- we are not alone in our struggles

    -- Number 2 -- we have never been tempted by something we did not have the power to resist -- it may seem like it at the time, but that's just a lie from the evil one -- it's just Satan trying to lower your resolve and your resistance so you just give up and give in -- which brings us to #3

    -- God always provides a way out of every temptation -- your job is to look for the way out and take it the minute you find it

    -- think back to the Israelites coming out of Egypt -- Pharaoh and his army had them pinned against the Red Sea -- there was no escape -- there was no hope -- but God made a way out -- God parted the Red Sea and the Israelites went out the back door

    -- it's the same way with temptation -- God always has a way for you to get out of it

 

    -- James 1:14-15 tells us that we are tempted when we are enticed by our own evil desire -- we start thinking about it -- dwelling on it -- and, if we keep on, we give in to it -- desire gives birth to sin -- and sin eventually leads to death

    -- the key, then, to keeping the parasites of temptation away from us happens first in our minds when the desire comes on us and then later in our actions

 

    -- real quick, I want to give you a plan that you can follow to break free from temptation -- a plan that will help purge your life of the parasites when they come trying to attack you -- I'm going to give you a copy of these, so you don't have to write them down unless you just want to

 

    -- first, pray that God will keep you from temptation -- Jesus taught us this in the Lord's prayer -- we prayed this together this morning -- "lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil"

 

    -- second, make a covenant with yourself -- remember last week we talked about covenants -- binding promises that we make and keep -- you know the areas that you struggle with -- make a covenant to stay away from places where those temptations are likely to occur

    -- for example, if you struggle with gambling and with playing the lottery, then don't go to stores that sell lottery tickets -- if you struggle with internet pornography, don't get on the internet without an internet filter or without someone else being present

    -- if you struggle in an area, it is foolish to put yourself in the place where these temptations are going to occur -- I once counseled a guy who was an alcoholic -- who was struggling with drinking and getting drunk -- do you know where he got a job? -- a package store that sold beer and whiskey -- that's not a good place for someone who's struggling with alcoholism to work

 

    -- next, look for a way out -- God tells us here that He will always make a way of escape for us -- but we've got to look for it -- we've got to get our focus off the temptation and make the conscious decision to look for God's plan of escape -- one way to do this is to divert your thoughts -- 2 Cor 10:5 says "we take every thought captive to the will of Christ" -- in other words, when that desire comes on you -- when that temptation comes knocking on the door of your mind -- let Jesus answer the door and you think about something else

    -- it doesn't even have to be spiritual -- divert your thoughts by concentrating on things like the weather or the economy or politics or your family -- the point is, divert your mind and do whatever you need to do to get your mind off the temptation that is threatening you

 

    -- fourth, remove yourself from the situation -- Paul put it very simply to a young man facing temptation -- in 2 Tim 2:22, he told Timothy, "Flee the evil desires of youth and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace"

    -- that's exactly what the Bible says Joseph did in the Book of Genesis when Potiphar's wife tried to seduce him -- he fled the scene, leaving his cloak behind -- fleeing puts distance between you and sin and gets your mind off the temptation

 

    -- but, what if you do fall -- what if you do fail? -- we all do -- 1 John 1:10 says that we all sin and that if we say we don't sin, we're liars -- so when you do fall and fail -- when your thoughts turn into evil desires that are not of God -- and when your desires give birth to sin -- what do you do?

    -- I call it, "Lessons Learned" -- look back at the situation and find out what went wrong -- where did you go wrong -- did you think too much about something -- did you not get your mind off of it -- did you go to a place you shouldn't have?

    -- if you can't figure it out, maybe you need to sit down with m Christian brother or sister and ask them for insight -- and once you know what you did wrong, come up with a game plan -- with a plan of doing better the next time -- learn from your mistake and grow as a result of it

 

    -- finally, when you do sin, ask God to forgive you -- ask Him to cleanse you from your sin and to give you a "do-over" -- did you ever do that as kids? -- when you messed up in a game you asked for a "do-over?" -- God lets you do that, too

    -- 1 John 1:9 says, "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just ans will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness"

    -- parasites are everywhere -- temptations come almost every minute of every day -- and you're going to occasionally fall and fail and sin against God -- but don't give up at that point -- just pick yourself up -- let God wipe you off -- and get back in the game again

 

IV. Closing

 

    -- Jennifer Dion who wrote the small group lessons that go along with this Fireproof outreach tells a funny story about something that happened to her in a restaurant a few years ago

    -- she was there with her 3-year-old twin daughters -- one of the girls had struck up a conversation with a really nice guy who was probably in his 70's -- her daughter Jenna just started staring at the man very intently and finally announced, "You have hair in your nose!" -- Jennifer immediately apologized and told her daughter, "Jenna, we don't say things like that" -- to which Jenna responded, "But it's true -- look!"

    -- sometimes the truth is hard and we don't want to talk about it -- and that's exactly the reason why we've got problems with parasites in our churches and in our homes and in our lives

    -- ignoring parasites won't make them go away -- leaving them untreated won't make them any better -- the answer is admitting they're there and then doing something about it

    -- this week, our Love Dare Challenge is going to bring us face-to-face with the parasites in our lives -- maybe we don't have to do something as drastic as beating up our computers with a baseball bat like Caleb did in the movie -- but we have to do something

    -- as I close in prayer, I want to invite you to think about any areas that you may struggle within your lives -- temptations -- sins -- parasites -- things that are affecting your relationships with God and with other people -- and as I close, offer them up to God -- let Him take them from you as you seek to live a life from now on that is parasite-free -- LET US PRAY

SERMON: Fireproof Sermon 3: Love for a Lifetime

FIREPROOF SERMON SERIES:

SERMON 3 -- LOVE FOR A LIFETIME

22 February 2009

 

I. Introduction

    -- turn in Bibles to Matthew 19

 

1. When Jesus had finished saying these things, he left Galilee and went into the region of Judea to the other side of the Jordan.

2. Large crowds followed him, and he healed them there.

3. Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?"

4. "Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator `made them male and female,'

5. and said, `For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh' ?

6. So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."

 

 

    -- I heard a story about these two little boys who were sitting in a wedding, watching what was going on, when one asked the other, "So, how many times can you get married? -- His friend whispered, "I'm not sure, but I think it's 16 times" -- "16? How do you know?"

    -- the second little boy said, "Well, I added it up -- when the preacher was going over their wedding vows, he said, "four better, four worse, four richer, four poorer -- that makes 16"

    -- the first little boy thought for a moment and said, "Oh. I wonder which type this marriage is going to be?"

 

    -- you know, for all of us who are married or who have been to weddings before and heard these words pronounced by the couple, we're always hoping for the better and richer ones -- very few people go into a wedding thinking it's going to be worse or poorer -- everyone who gets married walks out of the service to the cheers and claps of their friends and loved ones looking for the perfect life

    -- but, as we're all too aware, life is just not perfect -- no sooner is the honeymoon ended than real life begins -- and we find out that our lives aren't always lived better and richer -- we realize that there are times of worse and poorer, too -- and it's in those times that marriages are made or broken

 

    -- every time I do a wedding, I take the ring and hold it up and point out three things the rings should always represent to a married couple -- first, the ring is a perfect circle, representing the eternal quality of their love and their union together -- secondly, because the ring has been constructed in this way, it is equally strong at all points just as their marriage should be strong at all times -- lastly, I point out that their rings are made of gold or silver -- precious metals that speak to the purity and cost of their love -- all marriages begin with the purchase and exchange of a ring -- a sacrifice on the part of the buyers -- to remind the couple that their marriage will require more and greater sacrifices on their part along the way

    -- and then I hand the rings to them and ask them to put them on their spouse while they say their vows to each other, which always end, "as long as we both shall live"

 

    -- this morning, we're continuing in our series based on the movie "Fireproof" -- throughout this series, we've been learning how to fireproof the relationships in our lives -- this morning, we're going to talk about fireproofing the most important relationship of all -- your marriage

    -- if you're not married, I hope that you'll pay careful attention to this message, because what we're going to learn will make a huge difference in any future marriage if you decide to enter into one

 

    -- as you probably remember from the movie, "Fireproof," Caleb and Catherine -- the main characters in the movie -- are starting down the road to divorce -- they've reached that point in their lives when they've looked around and found out that their lives aren't turning out like they expected -- their dreams are tarnished -- and the only answer appears to be to quit

    -- in this clip, Caleb explains to his friend, Michael, that the marriage is probably through -- Michael responds, "I've seen you run into a burning building to save people you don't even know, but you're going to let your own marriage burn to the ground."

    -- let's watch the clip    [Watch Video Clip #3]

 

II. The Story of Robertson and Muriel McQuilken

    -- a few years ago, I heard the story of Robertson McQuilken, the president of the Columbia Bible College and Seminary in Columbia, SC and his wife Muriel

    -- Robertson and Muriel were living the typical life of a college president and wife -- attending to the college -- entertaining in their home -- enjoying life with their grown children -- but Robertson started to suspect something was wrong when they were vacationing in Florida and Muriel told the same story to the couple next to them that she had told them just five minutes before

    -- as time progressed, Robertson began to notice several other indicators that things weren't right -- his wife was having difficulty planning menus -- painting portraits -- and remembering people's names -- a visit to the doctor's confirmed what he suspected -- Muriel was in the early stages of Alzheimer's

    -- although Muriel seemed unaware of her mental regression, Robertson said that his life became like a slow death as he watched the vibrant, creative, and articulate person that he knew and loved gradually dimming out

    -- Robertson wrote, "As she needed more and more of me, I wrestled daily with the question of who gets me full-time-Muriel or Columbia Bible College and Seminary? Dr. Tabor advised me not to make any decision based on my desire to see Muriel stay contented. "Make your plans apart from that question. Whether or not you can be successful in your dreams for the college and seminary, I cannot judge, but I can tell you now, you will not be successful with Muriel.""

    -- modern society, though, told him something different -- all over America, people end relationships because their needs are not being met -- not happy in your marriage? -- get a divorce -- spouse not meeting your sexual needs? -- get a divorce -- having financial problems? -- get a divorce -- spouse gets sick? -- things are harder than you expected? -- life is more difficult than you signed up for? -- get a divorce

    -- Robertson heard the counsel of his family and friends -- he listened to the wisdom of the world -- and when the time came, his decision was firm -- it took no great calculation -- it was a matter of integrity -- 42 years before, Robertson and Muriel had stood together in a church just like this, looked into each other's eyes -- and vowed, "in sickness and in health...till death do us part"

    -- his decision was final -- he resigned from his position and became Muriel's full-time caregiver -- supporting her in her sickness and in her failing memory

    -- Robertson wrote, "This was no grim duty to which I stoically resigned, however. -- It was only fair. -- She had, after all, cared for me for almost four decades with marvelous devotion; now it was my turn. -- And such a partner she was! -- If I took care of her for 40 years, I would never be out of her debt. -- She is such a delight to me -- I don't have to care for her, I get to"

    -- what a picture of marriage -- what a picture of love -- what an inspiration for all of us who seek to love as God intended

 

III. Scripture Lesson

    -- let's look back at this passage of Scripture again and see what Jesus had to say about God's intent in human marriage -- before we do, let me give you the context so you'll understand how this excerpt fits into the whole

    -- as this passage opens, Jesus is making his final journey to Jerusalem to face the cross -- He has left Galilee and is now crossing through Judea when He is confronted by a group of Pharisees who were trying to test Him and catch Him saying something that would get Jesus in trouble with either the temple and the High Priest or with the Romans

 

 

    -- look back at verse 1

 

1. When Jesus had finished saying these things, he left Galilee and went into the region of Judea to the other side of the Jordan.

2. Large crowds followed him, and he healed them there.

3. Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?"

 

    -- now, there is a reason that the Pharisees chose the topic of divorce to try to trip Jesus up -- you see, Judea was ruled by Herod Antipas -- he was the son of Herod the Great -- the king who killed all the Hebrew babies in Bethlehem at the time of Jesus' birth

    -- this Herod is the one who had John the Baptist beheaded because John criticized his marriage to Herodias, who was his niece and the wife of his half-brother Philip -- the Pharisees were probably hoping that they could get Jesus to condemn this illegitimate marriage of Herod and Herodias and that He would be arrested and executed, just like John the Baptist

    -- so, they come to Jesus and ask Him a loaded question -- "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?"

    -- notice that the question is not, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife," but instead, "Can a man divorce his wife for any and every reason?"

    -- during the time of Christ, divorce was legal among the Jews -- in the book of Deuteronomy, a provision had been put into the law that allowed a man to divorce his wife if she was found to be indecent in his eyes

    -- so the real question that the Pharisees were asking Jesus, hoping to get Him to condemn Herod, was what defined indecency -- in other words, can a man divorce his woman for any and all reasons or are there specific reasons that are lawful? -- the hidden question, then, was, "Did Herod break the law by marrying Herodias?"

 

    -- but Jesus knew what they were really asking and He knew why they were asking it -- look at His response -- verse 4

 

4. "Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator `made them male and female,'

5. and said, `For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh' ?

6. So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."

 

    -- just as He did with the beatitudes -- just as He did with all of His teachings -- Jesus took the issue back to the heart of the matter

    -- "Why are you even asking about divorce -- don't you know that this is not the way it was at the beginning, when the Father created marriage?"

    -- marriage is a holy and sacred union of two people in the eyes of God -- when two people come together -- when a man leaves his father and mother and cleaves to his wife -- they are no longer two, but now they are one

    -- they are joined together by God -- He has bonded them one to the other -- so, when the Pharisees come to Jesus and try to trip Him up on the issue of lawful divorce, Jesus responds by saying, "Why are you even talking about divorce? -- Why are you even considering separating what God has joined?"

    -- the point Jesus is trying to make with the Pharisees is this -- God established marriage as a covenantal relationship between two people -- why are you trying to make it into a contract that you can break for any and every reason?

 

    -- you know, if I had to point to any one thing as a contributing factor in the divorce epidemic that we have in our churches and in our countries today, it would be the misunderstanding we have concerning whether marriage is a covenant or a contract

    -- we see the word "covenant" used a lot in Scripture -- a covenant is the strongest relationship that is possible -- when someone is desiring to make a lasting relationship with someone else, they could enter into a covenant with them

    -- a covenant is a little bit like a contract, except that it is a unilateral binding promise that you make to another -- in a contract, both parties agree to do something based upon what the other party does or doesn't do -- for instance, if you sign a contract to buy a car, you are saying that you will give the car dealer money and he will give you a car -- if either of you fails to live up to the terms of the contract -- for instance if you give the dealer money but they refuse to give you the car -- you can take them to court -- the contract is valid only if the other person keeps up their end of the bargain -- contracts can be broken

-- a covenant, on the other hand, exists when a binding promise is made that is kept regardless of what the other person does or doesn't do -- usually, a covenant involves a promise made by both parties, but it doesn't have to -- when God made the covenant with Noah to never flood the world again, Noah did not make a binding promise back to God -- this was a one-sided promise by God to all mankind

-- most covenants, though, involve both parties making promises to the other -- this is what happens at a wedding

-- when you marry someone, you are making a vow -- you are promising -- that you will live with that person regardless of the circumstances -- richer or poorer -- better or worse -- in sickness and in health -- till death do you part -- your part in the covenant should not depend on them and whether they keep the covenant or not

-- this is the reason why Robertson McQuilken stayed with his wife Muriel -- giving up his vocation and his dreams and his goals -- because he had vowed -- he had promised -- he had made a covenant with her that he would love her and take care of her, come what may

-- that meant that he didn't quit on her when times got tough -- that meant he didn't quit on her when he didn't feel loved -- that meant that he didn't quit on her when she got sick -- he had entered a covenant with her that said he would love her regardless

 

IV. Seasons of Marriage

-- as I have done more and more premarital counseling, I have found this is the one area that I spend most of my time on now -- I take time to explain to this young couple sitting in front of me that their marriage is going to go through phases -- that they won't always be as "in love" as they are right now -- but that the vows that they are going to make -- the covenant that they are going to enter into -- is going to require them to love and to stay with each other regardless

-- all marriages go through seasons -- nobody gets a cakewalk -- that's just not how life works -- like the rotation of the earth, marriages move through stages that are predictable -- most experts say that there are four of them, one following the next -- the difference between a successful marriage and a divorce comes down to how you go through these seasons

-- real quickly, let me go through these four seasons with you and then we'll close by sharing three great skills of life-time lovers

 

-- the first season of marriage is called Romance -- this is that area that I call being "in love" -- during romance, all is right with the world -- Women lose weight and men lose money. -- She'd rather spend time thinking about him than eating -- he'd rather spend money on her than pay the rent

    -- Romance is the season that all the love songs are written about -- remember that song that Michael Bolton had such a big hit with, "When a man loves a woman?" -- the chorus says,"When a man loves a woman, he can't keep his mind on nothin' else."

    -- that's it -- that's the romance season -- your whole world revolves around your partner and nothing can distract you from loving them or thinking the best about them

 

    -- For most Americans, this romantic stage lasts right up to somewhere between the "I now pronounce you man and wife," and the first time he leaves the toilet seat up or the first time she says, "I was too tired to cook anything so I bought you a TV dinner." -- At this point, one or both parties look in the mirror and quietly say, "I guess the honeymoon is over."

 

    -- psychologists tell us that romantic feelings of infatuation wear off, on average, about 2 ½ years into any relationship. -- And then you know what you're left with? -- reality

 

    -- That's the second season of a marriage -- reality is what sets in when romance wears off.

 

    -- Suddenly, one or both parties realizes that the object of their pursuit, the person of their dreams, the individual they feared they could never attain… is now someone they can never get rid of -- They begin to think, "Now that I have this relationship, what do I do with it?" -- It's like the dog that's been chasing cars for years and one day he catches one. "Now what do I do?" he says.

    -- at this point in a marriage, the two people who were so much "in love" in that Romance season now have to discover how to choose to love for a lifetime -- choosing to love is what reality is all about --choosing to love is what makes a marriage a covenant and not a contract

 

    -- which brings us to the third season -- resentment -- or, as I like to call it, the crisis of relationship -- During the resentment phase, the one who was once the object of our affection now becomes the target of our frustration.

 

    -- in this season, it's easy to blame the spouse for all the evils in the world, even if they are only remotely connected to the problem -- If there are financial stresses, it's her fault because she spends too much -- Or it's his fault, because he makes too little

    -- If there is friction, he started it, or she was too sensitive. -- the other person is always to blame because it's not your fault -- as Caleb said in the movie, "I am not a perfect person, but I'm better than most. And if my marriage is failing, it is not all my fault."

    -- It's during this resentment phase that character is tested and the need for love -- true love -- comes into play -- really for the first time in the marriage

 

    -- it's at this stage that most divorces occur -- it's at this stage that the decision to love has to be made if a marriage is to remain -- the love that is needed in this season isn't human love -- it's the love that we talked about in our last sermon -- the agape, unconditional love that God gave us and that He calls for us to shower on others -- marriages are only going to survive the trials of reality and resentment through the unconditional love of God pouring out from one partner to another

 

    -- finally, marriages go through a rebuilding season -- this is the season when marriages are strengthened -- when a couple goes from being infatuated with each other and become truly and deeply in love -- this is when they experience the love that sustains through the hard times as well as the good -- when they choose to love each other regardless of what the other spouse does

    -- it is in this season that we need to practice three great skills to ensure a lifetime of love and marriage with our spouse

 

    -- I know I've run out of time, so real quick, let me just list these for you -- we've talked about all of these before, but if you've got any questions or need something else, just let me know and I'll try to get more information to you

 

    -- the first skill is remembering -- remembering that men and women are different and adapting accordingly -- this is what we talked about in our first sermon in this series -- if you missed it, I want to encourage you to go back and take a look at it

    -- the second skill is asking and granting forgiveness -- the heart of a covenantal relationship is forgiveness -- not overlooking what the other person has done -- but forgiving them for it anyway -- loving them in spite of the wrong and asking them to love you in spite of what you have done

    -- the last skill is the most important of all -- it is deciding to love and to keep on loving -- it is the conscious decision to love your spouse unconditionally -- to shower them with God's agape love -- to stay with them and love them in better and in worse -- through richer and poorer -- in sickness and in health

    -- it is the decision to love for a lifetime

 

    -- One of the biggest misunderstandings about marriage in our day is that people think marriage is based on love, and that love is a feeling -- Love isn't a feeling, it's an action -- It's a way of acting -- it's something that you choose to do

    -- The Bible's most famous passage on love, 1 Corinthians 13, says that love is patient, kind, not envious, not boastful, not proud, not rude, not self-seeking, not easily-angered. It says that it doesn't keep score, doesn't secretly like it when someone has something bad happen to them -- it says that love is the truth, it always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always hangs in there. -- That's God's description of love.

    -- now let me ask you -- What part of that is based on emotions? -- None of it -- It's all based on decision -- To love is a decision -- to love is choice -- to love means that you hang in there, even when happily ever after isn't happening -- even when the worse days outweigh the better -- when the poor times are greater than the richer -- when there's sickness more than health

    -- I promise, we're closing now -- but before I pray, let me share with you that I've got another Love Dare for you this week -- we'll have it at the back door for you on the way out

    -- let's pray