Begin your message with the phrase, "You know what's wrong with you people..."
Move business meetings to Sunday morning and open up the floor by asking, "So does anybody have a beef?"
Begin that year-long sermon series on the 40 weeks of Daniel.
Place a polygraph machine on the front pew to be used during invitation time.
Keep the Christmas pageant livestock in the church choir room year 'round.
If your auditorium slopes downward to the platform, give every kid under 12 a handful of marbles before the service.
Give deacons the ability to "gong" anyone singing special music.
Place the outdoor welcome center tent a few feet from the septic tank.
Put a blank for "weight" on the membership information forms.
In order to feel relevant, say "You know" or "Dude" 15 times from the pulpit each Sunday.
Have the organist play hockey cheers at pivotal moments of the sermon.
Before the offertory hymn, have the worship leader scream, "Show me the money!"
And the number 1 way to avoid the anoying problem of church growth....
Charge tolls for the use of restrooms.
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by Matt Tullosas seen in The Good Stuff Newsletter. To subscribe or send a blank email here with the word SUBSCRIBE in the subject line:
mailto:Mark@TheGoodStuffNewsletter.com
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