SERMON: I HAVE A FRIEND WHO CAN'T FORGIVE SOMEONE

Preached by Gregory W. Lee
13 January 2008

I. Introduction
-- turn in Bibles to Mt 18 -- this morning, I wanted to give us a different impression of this familiar passage -- so if you would, just listen now as I read this passage from the paraphrase, "The Message"

[Note: The following verses are from the New International Version (NIV) and not The Message. I do not have a digital copy of The Message and didn't have the time to type it.]
21. Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"
22. Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.
23. "Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants.
24. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him.
25. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.
26. "The servant fell on his knees before him. `Be patient with me,' he begged, `and I will pay back everything.'
27. The servant's master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.
28. "But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii. He grabbed him and began to choke him. `Pay back what you owe me!' he demanded.
29. "His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, `Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.'
30. "But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt.
31. When the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told their master everything that had happened.
32. "Then the master called the servant in. `You wicked servant,' he said, `I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to.
33. Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?'
34. In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.
35. "This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart."

-- this passage reminds me of a cartoon that I have at home -- in this cartoon, a preacher is at the pulpit and is preaching through the Bible verse by verse -- the caption at the bottom reads, "Now, verse 17 is one of the most difficult and contentious verses in the Bible. Skip it and look at verse 18."
-- I feel that way about this passage and about the topic of forgiveness in general -- it is definitely one of the most difficult and contentious passages in the Bible -- not that it is misunderstood -- it's just that the teaching in this passage are not well liked
-- as Mark Twain said, "It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me -- it's the parts that I do understand."
-- there are a few subjects in the Bible that people just have a problem with -- the subject of money and tithing is always a big one -- the subject of divorce is another -- but the subject of forgiveness -- not God's forgiveness of us and our sins -- but our requirement to forgive others when they sin against us -- people just don't like dealing with that one -- and that's exactly what this passage concerns
-- we are continuing in our series called, "I have a friend who..." and the title of today's message is, "I have a friend who can't forgive someone"
-- now I want you to think about that for a moment -- what would you tell a friend who comes to you and says, "this other person sinned against me -- they did something really, really bad to me -- and I just can't forgive them" -- what would you tell them? -- where would you go for answers?
-- let's try to answer those questions this morning as we look at this passage in Matthew 18 in more detail

II. The Requirement to Forgive
-- before we turn to the passage again, let me give you the context -- this passage is found within a larger teaching by Jesus on sin and forgiveness from sin -- Jesus begins by warning His disciples to avoid sin and to be careful that their actions don't lead anyone else into sin -- especially children and little ones in the faith -- "Don't be the person who causes someone else to fall," He tells them -- and then He turns to the subject of forgiveness
-- first, Jesus talks about how the Father forgives all of those who have sinned against Him -- He tells them the parable of the lost sheep and says that God will not let even one sinner get away without offering His forgiveness -- His forgiveness is so great that He'll leave the 99 to go get the one who has wandered off
-- and then, Jesus teaches His disciples that they should forgive that way as well -- "when someone sins against you," He says, "work it out between you -- offer God's forgiveness to them and forgive them of what they have done"
-- which brings us to verse 21 and Peter's question on the subject of forgiveness
-- look now at verse 21

21. Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"

-- now Peter has been standing there listening to all of Jesus' teachings on sin and forgiveness -- and it seems like he just wants to puff himself up before the others -- he's trying to establish himself as the leader and as the one who really gets it -- who really understands what Jesus has been saying -- so he turns to Jesus and asks, "how many times should I forgive someone who sins against me -- even up to seven times?"
-- you get the sense that Peter is fishing for a compliment -- I think that he hoped that Jesus would praise him for his question -- you see, the Talmud -- the teachings of the rabbis based on the Old Testament law -- the Talmud said that you only had to forgive someone three times -- the fourth time, it was up to you how to respond -- you could forgive them or you could hold it against them
-- Peter is, in essence, saying to Jesus -- "Look how holy and forgiving I am -- I would forgive someone not just three times -- but all the way up to seven times -- isn't that the right way to do it?"
-- but look at Jesus' response -- verse 22

22. Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.

-- you can almost sense the humor in Jesus' reply -- "Peter, not seven times but seventy-seven times" -- some translations say "seventy times seven times" -- this was an enormous number -- the only way you could do that would be to carry a book around with you and keep track of how many times someone wronged you
-- Jesus was trying to make a point -- your forgiveness to others should be like the Father's -- the Father doesn't keep track of how many times you sin and how many times you come before Him -- He doesn't quit forgiving you at three or seven or seventy-seven -- He forgives every time -- and so should you -- in other words, Jesus is saying, "don't limit your forgiveness but let it flow out of your heart without ceasing"

III. Parable of Forgiveness
-- Jesus made that perfectly clear in the parable that He told right after He spoke to Peter -- look at verse 23

23. "Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants.

-- every sin that we commit is a debt to God -- as David said in Psalm 51, "Against you and you only have I sinned" -- all of our sins are stacking up against us as a debt against God -- borrowing against His mercy -- and at some point, that debt is going to have to be paid -- He's going to settle His accounts with us
-- verse 24

24. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him.

-- stop right there -- ten thousand talents in today's money would be somewhere between one and ten million dollars -- we're talking about a lot of money here that this servant owed the king
-- that's like our sins -- they grow larger and larger and larger until they reach an amount that we never could hope to repay
-- verse 25

25. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.
26. "The servant fell on his knees before him. `Be patient with me,' he begged, `and I will pay back everything.'
27. The servant's master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.

-- the king looked at the man and understood his hopeless situation -- there was no way to work off the debt, try as he might -- and so the king had pity on the man and showed mercy and grace
-- mercy -- not giving him what he deserved -- not selling the man and his wife and his children into slavery to repay the debt like he deserved -- and grace -- giving him what he did not deserve -- wiping the man's debt totally clean -- marking the account "paid in full"
-- what a beautiful picture of the forgiveness of the King -- of the mercy and the grace of God through Christ Jesus -- forgiving us a debt so great that we could never hope to repay it -- no matter how long we worked -- no matter how many sacrifices we made
-- verse 28

28. "But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii. He grabbed him and began to choke him. `Pay back what you owe me!' he demanded.
29. "His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, `Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.'
30. "But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt.

-- now this fellow who has been forgiven a debt of over one million dollars goes out and finds a fellow servant who owes him only a hundred denarii -- that's less than $100 -- and he demands that the servant pay him back immediately -- and when he can't, he has him thrown into prison until the debt is paid back in full
-- the one who was shown mercy has shows none to another -- the one who was shown grace offers none to another
-- verse 31

31. When the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told their master everything that had happened.
32. "Then the master called the servant in. `You wicked servant,' he said, `I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to.
33. Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?'
34. In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.

-- the master calls this man a "wicked" servant -- not wicked because he had accrued a debt of over a million dollars -- but wicked because he has refused to show mercy to another
-- after being forgiven so great a debt, how could this man not forgive such a lesser debt owed him? -- and so the king has the man thrown into prison to be tortured until he can pay back all of the money he originally owed
-- now look at Jesus' final summary of this parable and of all His teachings on the topic of forgiveness -- verse 35

35. "This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart."

-- this parable makes it clear -- as a Christian, we have a duty to forgive -- it is not a choice, but a requirement -- if we are going to enjoy the forgiveness of God for the sins that we have committed against Him, then we have to extend His forgiveness to those who sin against us
-- as Ray Stedman puts it, "Not a day goes by but that we do not stand in desperate need of the forgiving word of the great King -- Again and again he cancels out the debt as we come in our guilt and abandon, in the consciousness that we have terribly failed, hearing anew the tender forgiving word
-- "And yet, when someone offends us, how quickly we revert to the basis of justice and start demanding, "Pay me what you owe." -- "I demand an apology." -- "Give me my rights." -- "Let me have what's coming to me." -- "Treat me like I deserve." -- "I demand to be treated with respect."
-- how many times do we utter such words? -- how many times do we joyfully receive the grace and mercy and forgiveness of God but turn in anger and unforgiveness against our brother and sister?

IV. Helping Our Friend
-- that is the heart of the matter -- and that is the heart of our friend who comes to us and says they can't forgive someone who has sinned against them
-- what do you tell them? -- what words of wisdom and advice do you offer?
-- first, you need to share with them that forgiving is a requirement for Christians -- it is not an option -- it is something that is expected
-- look back at Peter's original question in verse 21

21. Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"

-- note that Peter takes it for granted that he should forgive -- the question he is asking is not "if" he should forgive someone but how many times he should forgive
-- the disciples got it -- even Peter got it -- as Christians, we are expected to forgive -- in Matthew 6:12 -- in the Lord's Prayer -- Jesus told us to pray, "Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors" -- other translations substitute the word "trespass" for debts -- so we prayed this morning, "forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us" -- in other words, we are recognizing that we have a responsibility to forgive and we are asking the Father to forgive us to the extent that we forgive others
-- so, if you have a friend who comes to you and tells you that they just can't forgive someone else, the first thing you need to share with them is that forgiving is a requirement for Christians
-- secondly, we should tell our friend to forgive because God first forgave them -- the servant in this parable was expected to forgive his fellow servant because of the forgiveness which the master had showed him
-- God has forgiven us so much -- He has forgiven all of our debts -- all of our trespasses -- all of our sins -- He has cancelled a debt that was so great we could never hope to repay it -- and He expects us to forgive others their lesser debts as a result
-- that is why Paul writes in Ephesians 4:32 to forgive each other, just as in Christ God forgave us
-- finally, we should tell our friend to forgive because it helps their own heart -- Hebrews 12:15 says, "See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many."
-- unforgiveness is a bitter root that does nothing but cause trouble and defilement in our lives -- it takes the grace of God and twists it into something unrecognizable -- it makes a Christian become the most unloving person in the world
-- when someone wrongs you -- when they sin against you -- it is like they have wounded your heart -- they have damaged your heart -- and you will never be well -- you will never be whole again -- until you have repaired the damage that they have done to you
-- hearts damaged by others keep us from loving God as we should -- it keeps us from loving others as we should -- it keeps us from living life as we should
-- hearts damaged by others gives Satan a stronghold into our lives -- and Satan fills up these damaged places in our hearts with anger and hatred and resentment and bitterness and a desire for vengeance -- things that hamper our Christian life
-- so, when God commands us to forgive others when they trespass against us, it is a commandment for our own good -- it is a call for the healing of our hearts -- not for those who wronged us -- but for us -- to cut out of our lives something that is hindering our walk with Christ and that is keeping us from becoming who God wants us to be
-- forgiveness is like the surgeon's knife that cuts cancer out of our body -- God uses this process of forgiveness to heal us and to make us whole once again

VI. Forgiving Others
-- so, how do we tell our friend to forgive? -- how do we forgive when someone sins against us? -- basically, it is the same process that God used when He forgave us of our sins
-- first, we need to recognize that there is a need for forgiveness and we have to have a desire to heal the hurts within us -- this takes time -- when we have been hurt -- when we have been violated -- it may take months, or even years, until we reach the point where we are ready to forgive the other person for the hurt that they inflicted in our hearts
-- it is okay to be angry at what happened to us -- in fact, we should be angry at what happened -- because someone we trusted violated that very trust in our lives -- and it is through that anger that our desire to heal should come
-- secondly, we should keep in mind that forgiveness is a process -- it is not something that happens just once and is over -- we may forgive and then find ourselves feeling those same hurts once again -- we may find that we have to continually forgive the wrong that was done to us -- that is okay and it is part of the healing process
-- in his book, "The Art of Forgiving," Lewis Smedes outlines the final three steps to forgiveness that we follow when we truly seek healing in our life

1. We begin the process of forgiving when we start separating the person who wronged us from the wrong that they did to us -- when someone wrongs us, in our minds, they become the wrong that they did to us -- we say things like, "he is nothing but a cheat -- he is nothing but a liar" -- we look at them and all we see is the sin
-- but, as Smedes points out, when we begin the miracle of healing, we begin to see our enemy through a cleaner lens, less smudged by hate -- we begin to see them as a person who did something wrong -- not as wrong itself
-- when God forgave us, the first thing He did was to separate us from our sin -- we were not the problem -- it was the sin that was the problem and that needed to be dealt with -- so God provided a way to cover our sins -- so, when God sees us, He doesn't see the sin any longer -- He sees the person underneath the sin, cleansed through the blood of Christ
-- the first step to forgiveness, then, is continuing to hate the sin but not the person who committed the sin against you

2. We continue the process of healing when we surrender our right to get even -- when we are first wronged -- when we are first hurt -- we want to get even -- we want the other person to suffer like we have suffered and to know that they are suffering because of what they did to us -- we call this "vengeance"
-- when you start on the road to forgiveness, you are releasing your right to vengeance -- to hurting the other person unjustly -- keep in mind, though, that there is a difference between vengeance and justice -- vengeance is our pleasure of seeing someone who hurt us get hurt back -- justice is making sure that someone pays a fair penalty for wronging another -- vengeance is personal satisfaction -- justice is moral accountability
-- forgiveness does not do away with justice -- someone who wronged you may have to pay for the wrong that they have done -- but, forgiveness does mean that you don't desire them to be hurt in an unjust way simply as revenge for what they did to you

3. We have completed the process when we can change our feelings towards the person that wronged us -- we no longer hate them for who they are and we even can hope that God's grace might fall into their lives -- this does not excuse the wrong that they have done -- it does not mean that we are going to tolerate them trespassing against us again and it does not mean that we are going to restore our relationship with them
-- but it means that we no longer have a desire for them to suffer because of what they have done to us -- and it means that if God was to reach out and touch them and change their lives for the better, that we would genuinely be happy to see that happen
-- when we have reached this stage of forgiveness, we can know for sure that the hatred and the bitterness are now removed from our lives and that our hearts have been healed and restored by the miraculous power of forgiveness

VI. Closing
-- "Do this," Jesus says -- "Forgive your brother from your heart" -- because God has forgiven you, forgive others
-- it doesn't matter how many times they wrong you -- it doesn't matter how great the wrong seems to you -- it all pales in comparison to the grace and mercy and forgiveness that the Father has shown to you
-- forgive them, because God forgave you
-- forgive them, because God expects you to
-- forgive them, so that you will be made whole and complete once again
-- this is what we should tell our friends -- and this is what we should tell ourselves
-- this morning, as I close, I would invite you to search your own hearts and seek out those areas where unforgiveness might lurk and to ask God to start healing you so that you might forgive as He forgave you
-- let us pray

Movie Review: "Veggie Tales: The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything"

On Friday, I took my daughter on a Daddy-Daughter date to go see the new Veggie Tales movie, "The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything." Now, I've always been a big fan of Veggie Tales, even before Brooke came along. I guess that shows you my maturity level! I really enjoy the satirical humor of Veggie Tales and the way they can express simple and Godly truths in a way that both kids and adults can enjoy.

I really enjoyed this movie. In fact, I enjoyed it a lot better than Jonah, which was a little heavy-handed at points. This movie was obviously envisioned after the enormous success of the Pirates of the Caribbean series and the resurgence of pirates into our collective consciousness.

The overall theme was that anyone can be a hero, if they just do what is right -- even cabin boys who want to be pirates at a Pirate Dinner Theater. I thought the point was made perfectly without being too preachy or too heavy handed. When faced with difficult tasks, when faced with enormous challenges that seemed too great to conquer, these want-to-be-pirates continued to move forward and do what was right, even though the chance of failure loomed. In the end, of course, they became the heroes they longed to be, both for the princess and for their own loved ones.

This is a movie that adults will like, too. It seemed to me a blend of two popular movies: "Pirates of the Caribbean," and "O Brother, Where Art Thou?" It had a great mix of jokes and satire based on these movies which were obviously aimed at the adults in the audience.

The only fault that I had with the movie was the obvious lack of reference to God or spiritual assistance. I know that Big Idea, the parent company of Veggie Tales, was sold a couple of years ago, and we may be seeing the fruit of that purchase now. The earlier Veggie Tales programs, including the movie, "Jonah," were obviously Bible-based or had obvious spiritual references. This movie does not, although the morals that are taught and the overall lesson are in line with a Christian world-view.

Overall, I'd give this movie a high rating, and would not hesitate to purchase it and recommend it to others at church. It would be a great summer movie for vacation Bible school or some other youth gathering.

SERMON: I HAVE A FRIEND WHO FEELS ALONE

Preached by Gregory W. Lee
6 January 2008

I. Introduction
-- turn in Bibles to Ecclesiastes Ch. 4

-- this morning we are going to be starting a new sermon series called, "I have a friend who..." -- all of us in here have friends -- and it has been my experience that, from time to time, my friends have come to me and shared things that are going on in their lives -- sometimes the things are reasons to celebrate -- such as they are getting married or having a baby or have gotten a new job -- other times have not been so joyous as they have shared difficult things that they have been going through
-- even before I became a preacher, I sat on the couch in my living room one time and comforted a friend whose wife had just told him she didn't love him any longer and wanted a divorce -- I have wept along with friends who have lost loved ones -- and I have visited friends who were sick or who were in trouble with the law
-- a lot of times I would find myself discussing spiritual issues with my friends -- and as I've entered into almost a mentoring role of late, I've realized that a lot of my friends and my coworkers have strong -- but wrong -- beliefs about spiritual and relational issues
-- they are facing spiritual questions and spiritual problems in their lives -- and they are looking for advice -- and a lot of times, we just don't know how to respond to them when they voice unbiblical and misguided opinions about marriage, friendships, faith, and God
-- so, for the next six weeks, we are going to look at some of these spiritual and relational issues and see what God's word says on these subjects so that we might be able to better share His truth with our friends and help them along their path of spiritual maturity
-- so this morning, the title of my message is, "I have a friend who feels alone"
-- if you would, look with me now at Ecclesiastes 4:7-12

7. Again I saw something meaningless under the sun:
8. There was a man all alone; he had neither son nor brother. There was no end to his toil, yet his eyes were not content with his wealth. "For whom am I toiling," he asked, "and why am I depriving myself of enjoyment?" This too is meaningless-- a miserable business!
9. Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work:
10. If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!
11. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?
12. Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

II. Loneliness
-- as the holiday season started to roll around this year, you might have noticed the trailer for the new Will Smith movie, "I Am Legend" -- the trailers didn't give a lot of information about the plot of the movie, but only made one point perfectly clear -- Will Smith was supposedly the last person left alive on earth -- everyone else had been killed by a virus -- and he was totally and utterly alone with nothing but his dog for a companion
-- there must have something about these trailers that struck a chord with America -- Will Smith has always been a big box-office draw -- but when this movie was released on December 14th -- in the middle of the holiday season -- it made more money than any other movie ever released in the month of December
-- but why did people flock to the theaters to see this movie? -- because it dealt with the greatest fear that we all share -- did you know that one of the most feared conditions of the human heart is loneliness?

-- people are more afraid of being alone or feeling alone than they are of dying -- loneliness leads to a feeling of emptiness and aimlessness -- it leads to a feeling of inner despair -- it affects a person's whole life
-- loneliness affects us all -- more people suffer from loneliness than any other malady that afflicts the emotions -- if you were to do a search on the Internet on the word "lonely" you would literally come up with millions of web pages written on the subject -- I did a search on Google for the word "lonely" and came up with over 86 million websites
-- At one of his crusades, Luis Palau, the South American evangelist, asked the people in his audience to indicate what subject they would most like him to speak about
-- from all of the possible subjects that he might speak on -- from how to get to heaven to who Jesus really is to whether the Bible is true or not -- the majority of the people there that night asked him to speak on the subject of loneliness
-- feeling alone is one of the most common problems in our society -- a couple of years ago I read a book on homelessness -- in this book, the author and a friend became homeless for about three months and then wrote about their experience -- the worst part of being homeless, they said, was the feeling of utter loneliness -- of feeling alone and overlooked in a sea of humanity
-- why do you think the social networking sites such as My Space and Facebook are so popular with our youth? -- simply because it's a way to easily communicate with their friends and family? -- no, it's because they are lonely and fear loneliness more than anything else -- they are so afraid of being alone that they will take superficial relationships developed over the internet rather than admit that they feel alone in their lives
-- more people commit suicide because of loneliness than any other cause -- which is understandable, since loneliness has been called the most desolate word in the English language

-- let me read you an excerpt from a web page specifically dealing with the problem of loneliness: "Loneliness is a feeling of emptiness or hollowness inside you -- You feel isolated or separated from the world, cut off from those you would like to have contact with
-- "There are different kinds of loneliness and different degrees of loneliness -- You might experience loneliness as a vague feeling that something is not right, a kind of minor emptiness -- Or you might feel loneliness as a very intense deprivation and deep pain.
-- "One type of loneliness might be related to missing a specific individual because they have died or because they are so far away -- Another type might involve feeling alone and out of contact with people because you are actually physically isolated from people -- for instance, you might work alone on the night shift or work by yourself in a part of a building where people seldom go
-- "You might even feel emotionally isolated when you are surrounded by people but are having difficulty reaching out to them."
-- it is not an uncommon thing to feel alone -- every one of you has experienced it from time to time -- that feeling of emptiness -- of not belonging -- even in a crowd of people, we can feel alone -- cut off -- abandoned -- and you probably have a friend who feels alone right now

III. Scripture Lesson
-- before we talk about how to help our friend, let's look at what causes loneliness -- look at what Solomon says on the subject in this passage -- verse 7

7. Again I saw something meaningless under the sun:
8. There was a man all alone; he had neither son nor brother. There was no end to his toil, yet his eyes were not content with his wealth. "For whom am I toiling," he asked, "and why am I depriving myself of enjoyment?" This too is meaningless-- a miserable business!

-- Mart DeHaan, the president of RBC Ministries, says that ultimately, all loneliness, regardless of the form, stems from mankind's alienation from God
-- loneliness is a spiritual issue -- mankind has been struggling with loneliness ever since Adam and Eve were cut off from fellowship with God and were cast from the Garden of Eden
-- loneliness is -- at it's heart -- nothing more than the manifestation of our innate desire to be in relationship with our Creator
-- did you know that the cross was really about nothing more than relationship? -- relationship with God and relationship with each other -- we were created to be in fellowship -- to be in relationship -- with God and with other people -- it is part of our nature
-- that is why the cross is made up of two lines -- there's a vertical line that addressed our relationship with God -- that's normally what we think of when we think of the cross -- Christ making a way for us to be reconciled with the Father once again -- to be able to have a relationship with Him once again -- because now our sins are forgiven and we are holy in His sight through the blood of Christ
-- but, the cross is also made up of a horizontal line -- Christ not only died to reconcile us with God -- He died to reconcile us with each other -- to make it possible for us to have real relationships with others here on earth that reflected our relationship with the Father
-- that is why God said in Genesis 2:18, "it is not good for man to be alone" -- as Peter Pintus points out, "Although Adam enjoyed a Spirit-to-spirit relationship with God, God knew that Adam also needed a relationship with someone who was like him, someone he could touch in the flesh."
-- we can only be truly whole if we enjoy relationships in both the vertical and the horizontal -- with both God and others
-- this man that Solomon talks about in verses apparently had neither -- he didn't have a relationship with God or with anyone else -- not even a family member -- and Solomon called it "a miserable business"
-- God made us so that we would need and desire relationships with Him and with others -- look at verse 9

9. Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work:
10. If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!
11. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?
12. Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

-- we need other people -- friends who can pick us up when we fall -- friends who will comfort us -- who will keep us warm -- who will help provide our needs -- who will stand with us when we need strength and support -- who will keep us from feeling alone

IV. Helping our Friend
-- so, what do we tell a friend who feels alone? -- how can we help them through this feeling of isolation and loneliness? I've going to give you five suggestions:

1. We need to let them know that it's o.k. to feel alone -- our society has made loneliness a stigma -- something to be avoided -- but God's word makes it clear that loneliness is a natural and normal part of our human existence1
-- it is something that all of u experience from time-to-time and it doesn't mean that anything is wrong with them -- it just means that they are human
-- when you feel alone, it may be nothing more than a reminder from God that you were created for relationship -- relationship with Him and with others

2. We need to find out if their loneliness is a spiritual issue or not -- the first relationship that we are to maintain is the relationship with God -- if that relationship is not right, then no relationships are going to be right
-- Jesus told us that the greatest commandment was to love the Lord our God with all of our heart and our mind and our soul and our strength -- if I had a friend who came to me and said that they felt alone, the first thing I'd ask them is where they were in their spiritual life -- are they loving God at the moment?
-- sometimes, you will find that your friends are not Christians -- that they have never experienced a relationship with God through His saving grace and through the atoning death of Christ -- it could be that God has allowed them to feel lonely in order for them to create a relationship with Him -- if this is the case, then your best response is to share with them the love of Christ and to introduce them to Jesus
-- sometimes, though, you'll find that your friends are Christians and are in a relationship with God -- it could be that God is using this season of loneliness to draw them closer to Him -- to lead them into a deeper relationship with Him -- encourage them to pour out their heart to God -- to share with Him their loneliness and encourage them to seek His face and His counsel through the Bible and through prayer and through the church

3. We need to encourage our friend to look at their relationships with others -- do they have real relationships or are their relationships merely superficial? -- as Peter Pinter points out, "Loneliness provides a unique opportunity to evaluate [our] current relationships with family, friends, and coworkers so that we can find new ways to deepen the ones that are healthy"
-- we need to remind them that you don't have to have a lot of friends in order to experience fulfilling relationships -- don't forget, the first and best friendship that ever existed occurred among only three persons -- the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit
-- a deep and meaningful relationship with just one or two other people might be more valuable than having superficial relationships with hundreds of people
-- in this passage, notice that Solomon recommends the close friendship of just one other person -- in verse 9 he says, "two are better than one"
-- by the way, in verse 12, when Solomon points out that a strand of three cords is not easily broken, he is referring to the need for horizontal and vertical relationships -- the first strand in the cord is the man -- the second is his friend -- and the third is his God
-- you don't have to have a lot of friends in order to have real friends

4. We need to encourage our friend to make time for others and to seek out others for companionship -- as I've mentioned before, in the Kairos prison ministry, we have a saying, "Make a friend -- be a friend -- introduce that friend to Jesus" -- the thing I want you to focus on in that saying is "make a friend"
-- in order to have friends, we first must be a friend -- we have to make friends and invest in our friendship -- we have to carve out time in our busy lives to share in the lives of others
-- encourage your friend to invite someone to participate in an activity with them -- whether it's taking a walk -- sitting and reading -- watching a movie -- or just talking on the phone
-- just remind them that people are busy and lead busy lives -- if they can't do it today, call them up again tomorrow and keep doing it until you can spend time with them
-- Randy Frazee, the teaching pastor at Willow Creek Community Church, talks about being a "catalyst for community" -- for being the one who initiates friendships with others as part of fulfilling God's command to love our neighbors as ourselves
-- encourage your friend to be a "catalyst for community" in their own lives by seeking out others for companionship

5. Lastly, we need to ask ourselves if our friend's loneliness is a call from God for us to be more a part of their lives -- we need to see if we have been neglecting our friendship with them -- if we need to spend more time with them
-- perhaps your friend sharing their loneliness with you is their way of asking for you to be their friend -- perhaps its a way of asking for you to deepen your friendship with them
-- if someone came to me and said they felt alone, I would pray and ask God to show me ways to be more of a friend to them

V. Closing
-- loneliness in America has become an epidemic of enormous proportions -- people in our country are lonely because they don't have real relationships with God or with others -- they know more about the lives of Brittney Spears and Paris Hilton than they do their neighbors or their friends
-- the feeling of being alone is God's way of leading us into relationship -- relationship with Him and with others
-- this morning, I want to encourage you to take a moment and think about the relationships in your lives -- both the vertical and the horizontal relationships -- do you feel alone? -- if so, why?
-- is it because you need to restore your relationship with God -- or is it because you need to make and be a friend with others?
-- as I close in prayer, I want to invite you to respond to God's call for relationship -- whether that's relationship with Him or relationship with others -- do what it takes to love the Lord your God with all your heart and soul and mind and strength and to love your neighbor as yourself
-- let us pray
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1Pintus, Peter. 2007. At the heart of loneliness. Discipleship Journal, November/December, 2007.