SERMON: I HAVE A FRIEND WHO FEELS ALONE

Preached by Gregory W. Lee
6 January 2008

I. Introduction
-- turn in Bibles to Ecclesiastes Ch. 4

-- this morning we are going to be starting a new sermon series called, "I have a friend who..." -- all of us in here have friends -- and it has been my experience that, from time to time, my friends have come to me and shared things that are going on in their lives -- sometimes the things are reasons to celebrate -- such as they are getting married or having a baby or have gotten a new job -- other times have not been so joyous as they have shared difficult things that they have been going through
-- even before I became a preacher, I sat on the couch in my living room one time and comforted a friend whose wife had just told him she didn't love him any longer and wanted a divorce -- I have wept along with friends who have lost loved ones -- and I have visited friends who were sick or who were in trouble with the law
-- a lot of times I would find myself discussing spiritual issues with my friends -- and as I've entered into almost a mentoring role of late, I've realized that a lot of my friends and my coworkers have strong -- but wrong -- beliefs about spiritual and relational issues
-- they are facing spiritual questions and spiritual problems in their lives -- and they are looking for advice -- and a lot of times, we just don't know how to respond to them when they voice unbiblical and misguided opinions about marriage, friendships, faith, and God
-- so, for the next six weeks, we are going to look at some of these spiritual and relational issues and see what God's word says on these subjects so that we might be able to better share His truth with our friends and help them along their path of spiritual maturity
-- so this morning, the title of my message is, "I have a friend who feels alone"
-- if you would, look with me now at Ecclesiastes 4:7-12

7. Again I saw something meaningless under the sun:
8. There was a man all alone; he had neither son nor brother. There was no end to his toil, yet his eyes were not content with his wealth. "For whom am I toiling," he asked, "and why am I depriving myself of enjoyment?" This too is meaningless-- a miserable business!
9. Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work:
10. If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!
11. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?
12. Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

II. Loneliness
-- as the holiday season started to roll around this year, you might have noticed the trailer for the new Will Smith movie, "I Am Legend" -- the trailers didn't give a lot of information about the plot of the movie, but only made one point perfectly clear -- Will Smith was supposedly the last person left alive on earth -- everyone else had been killed by a virus -- and he was totally and utterly alone with nothing but his dog for a companion
-- there must have something about these trailers that struck a chord with America -- Will Smith has always been a big box-office draw -- but when this movie was released on December 14th -- in the middle of the holiday season -- it made more money than any other movie ever released in the month of December
-- but why did people flock to the theaters to see this movie? -- because it dealt with the greatest fear that we all share -- did you know that one of the most feared conditions of the human heart is loneliness?

-- people are more afraid of being alone or feeling alone than they are of dying -- loneliness leads to a feeling of emptiness and aimlessness -- it leads to a feeling of inner despair -- it affects a person's whole life
-- loneliness affects us all -- more people suffer from loneliness than any other malady that afflicts the emotions -- if you were to do a search on the Internet on the word "lonely" you would literally come up with millions of web pages written on the subject -- I did a search on Google for the word "lonely" and came up with over 86 million websites
-- At one of his crusades, Luis Palau, the South American evangelist, asked the people in his audience to indicate what subject they would most like him to speak about
-- from all of the possible subjects that he might speak on -- from how to get to heaven to who Jesus really is to whether the Bible is true or not -- the majority of the people there that night asked him to speak on the subject of loneliness
-- feeling alone is one of the most common problems in our society -- a couple of years ago I read a book on homelessness -- in this book, the author and a friend became homeless for about three months and then wrote about their experience -- the worst part of being homeless, they said, was the feeling of utter loneliness -- of feeling alone and overlooked in a sea of humanity
-- why do you think the social networking sites such as My Space and Facebook are so popular with our youth? -- simply because it's a way to easily communicate with their friends and family? -- no, it's because they are lonely and fear loneliness more than anything else -- they are so afraid of being alone that they will take superficial relationships developed over the internet rather than admit that they feel alone in their lives
-- more people commit suicide because of loneliness than any other cause -- which is understandable, since loneliness has been called the most desolate word in the English language

-- let me read you an excerpt from a web page specifically dealing with the problem of loneliness: "Loneliness is a feeling of emptiness or hollowness inside you -- You feel isolated or separated from the world, cut off from those you would like to have contact with
-- "There are different kinds of loneliness and different degrees of loneliness -- You might experience loneliness as a vague feeling that something is not right, a kind of minor emptiness -- Or you might feel loneliness as a very intense deprivation and deep pain.
-- "One type of loneliness might be related to missing a specific individual because they have died or because they are so far away -- Another type might involve feeling alone and out of contact with people because you are actually physically isolated from people -- for instance, you might work alone on the night shift or work by yourself in a part of a building where people seldom go
-- "You might even feel emotionally isolated when you are surrounded by people but are having difficulty reaching out to them."
-- it is not an uncommon thing to feel alone -- every one of you has experienced it from time to time -- that feeling of emptiness -- of not belonging -- even in a crowd of people, we can feel alone -- cut off -- abandoned -- and you probably have a friend who feels alone right now

III. Scripture Lesson
-- before we talk about how to help our friend, let's look at what causes loneliness -- look at what Solomon says on the subject in this passage -- verse 7

7. Again I saw something meaningless under the sun:
8. There was a man all alone; he had neither son nor brother. There was no end to his toil, yet his eyes were not content with his wealth. "For whom am I toiling," he asked, "and why am I depriving myself of enjoyment?" This too is meaningless-- a miserable business!

-- Mart DeHaan, the president of RBC Ministries, says that ultimately, all loneliness, regardless of the form, stems from mankind's alienation from God
-- loneliness is a spiritual issue -- mankind has been struggling with loneliness ever since Adam and Eve were cut off from fellowship with God and were cast from the Garden of Eden
-- loneliness is -- at it's heart -- nothing more than the manifestation of our innate desire to be in relationship with our Creator
-- did you know that the cross was really about nothing more than relationship? -- relationship with God and relationship with each other -- we were created to be in fellowship -- to be in relationship -- with God and with other people -- it is part of our nature
-- that is why the cross is made up of two lines -- there's a vertical line that addressed our relationship with God -- that's normally what we think of when we think of the cross -- Christ making a way for us to be reconciled with the Father once again -- to be able to have a relationship with Him once again -- because now our sins are forgiven and we are holy in His sight through the blood of Christ
-- but, the cross is also made up of a horizontal line -- Christ not only died to reconcile us with God -- He died to reconcile us with each other -- to make it possible for us to have real relationships with others here on earth that reflected our relationship with the Father
-- that is why God said in Genesis 2:18, "it is not good for man to be alone" -- as Peter Pintus points out, "Although Adam enjoyed a Spirit-to-spirit relationship with God, God knew that Adam also needed a relationship with someone who was like him, someone he could touch in the flesh."
-- we can only be truly whole if we enjoy relationships in both the vertical and the horizontal -- with both God and others
-- this man that Solomon talks about in verses apparently had neither -- he didn't have a relationship with God or with anyone else -- not even a family member -- and Solomon called it "a miserable business"
-- God made us so that we would need and desire relationships with Him and with others -- look at verse 9

9. Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work:
10. If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!
11. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?
12. Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

-- we need other people -- friends who can pick us up when we fall -- friends who will comfort us -- who will keep us warm -- who will help provide our needs -- who will stand with us when we need strength and support -- who will keep us from feeling alone

IV. Helping our Friend
-- so, what do we tell a friend who feels alone? -- how can we help them through this feeling of isolation and loneliness? I've going to give you five suggestions:

1. We need to let them know that it's o.k. to feel alone -- our society has made loneliness a stigma -- something to be avoided -- but God's word makes it clear that loneliness is a natural and normal part of our human existence1
-- it is something that all of u experience from time-to-time and it doesn't mean that anything is wrong with them -- it just means that they are human
-- when you feel alone, it may be nothing more than a reminder from God that you were created for relationship -- relationship with Him and with others

2. We need to find out if their loneliness is a spiritual issue or not -- the first relationship that we are to maintain is the relationship with God -- if that relationship is not right, then no relationships are going to be right
-- Jesus told us that the greatest commandment was to love the Lord our God with all of our heart and our mind and our soul and our strength -- if I had a friend who came to me and said that they felt alone, the first thing I'd ask them is where they were in their spiritual life -- are they loving God at the moment?
-- sometimes, you will find that your friends are not Christians -- that they have never experienced a relationship with God through His saving grace and through the atoning death of Christ -- it could be that God has allowed them to feel lonely in order for them to create a relationship with Him -- if this is the case, then your best response is to share with them the love of Christ and to introduce them to Jesus
-- sometimes, though, you'll find that your friends are Christians and are in a relationship with God -- it could be that God is using this season of loneliness to draw them closer to Him -- to lead them into a deeper relationship with Him -- encourage them to pour out their heart to God -- to share with Him their loneliness and encourage them to seek His face and His counsel through the Bible and through prayer and through the church

3. We need to encourage our friend to look at their relationships with others -- do they have real relationships or are their relationships merely superficial? -- as Peter Pinter points out, "Loneliness provides a unique opportunity to evaluate [our] current relationships with family, friends, and coworkers so that we can find new ways to deepen the ones that are healthy"
-- we need to remind them that you don't have to have a lot of friends in order to experience fulfilling relationships -- don't forget, the first and best friendship that ever existed occurred among only three persons -- the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit
-- a deep and meaningful relationship with just one or two other people might be more valuable than having superficial relationships with hundreds of people
-- in this passage, notice that Solomon recommends the close friendship of just one other person -- in verse 9 he says, "two are better than one"
-- by the way, in verse 12, when Solomon points out that a strand of three cords is not easily broken, he is referring to the need for horizontal and vertical relationships -- the first strand in the cord is the man -- the second is his friend -- and the third is his God
-- you don't have to have a lot of friends in order to have real friends

4. We need to encourage our friend to make time for others and to seek out others for companionship -- as I've mentioned before, in the Kairos prison ministry, we have a saying, "Make a friend -- be a friend -- introduce that friend to Jesus" -- the thing I want you to focus on in that saying is "make a friend"
-- in order to have friends, we first must be a friend -- we have to make friends and invest in our friendship -- we have to carve out time in our busy lives to share in the lives of others
-- encourage your friend to invite someone to participate in an activity with them -- whether it's taking a walk -- sitting and reading -- watching a movie -- or just talking on the phone
-- just remind them that people are busy and lead busy lives -- if they can't do it today, call them up again tomorrow and keep doing it until you can spend time with them
-- Randy Frazee, the teaching pastor at Willow Creek Community Church, talks about being a "catalyst for community" -- for being the one who initiates friendships with others as part of fulfilling God's command to love our neighbors as ourselves
-- encourage your friend to be a "catalyst for community" in their own lives by seeking out others for companionship

5. Lastly, we need to ask ourselves if our friend's loneliness is a call from God for us to be more a part of their lives -- we need to see if we have been neglecting our friendship with them -- if we need to spend more time with them
-- perhaps your friend sharing their loneliness with you is their way of asking for you to be their friend -- perhaps its a way of asking for you to deepen your friendship with them
-- if someone came to me and said they felt alone, I would pray and ask God to show me ways to be more of a friend to them

V. Closing
-- loneliness in America has become an epidemic of enormous proportions -- people in our country are lonely because they don't have real relationships with God or with others -- they know more about the lives of Brittney Spears and Paris Hilton than they do their neighbors or their friends
-- the feeling of being alone is God's way of leading us into relationship -- relationship with Him and with others
-- this morning, I want to encourage you to take a moment and think about the relationships in your lives -- both the vertical and the horizontal relationships -- do you feel alone? -- if so, why?
-- is it because you need to restore your relationship with God -- or is it because you need to make and be a friend with others?
-- as I close in prayer, I want to invite you to respond to God's call for relationship -- whether that's relationship with Him or relationship with others -- do what it takes to love the Lord your God with all your heart and soul and mind and strength and to love your neighbor as yourself
-- let us pray
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1Pintus, Peter. 2007. At the heart of loneliness. Discipleship Journal, November/December, 2007.