FIREPROOF SERMON SERIES:
SERMON 6 -- A BETTER WAY OF LOVING
22 March 2009
I. Introduction
-- turn in your Bibles to Luke 5
-- as you're turning over there, I want to show you what I brought this morning -- I brought a fork with me -- not long ago, we went out to eat at a restaurant with our family -- and it struck me as I was there that everyone at the table was holding their fork the same way -- you see, there's a right way and a wrong way to hold a fork
-- so I started looking around -- and almost everybody in the place was holding their fork the same way -- all except one person -- there was one person there at a table near us that was refusing to hold their fork the right way -- of course, they were only about two years old
-- and as I watched, the child's mother kept showing them, over and over again, how to hold their fork
-- you know, thinking back -- I remember being taught by my parents how to hold my fork -- I remember them correcting me
-- do you remember being taught how to do that? -- who taught you? -- was it your mother? -- your father? -- a brother or sister? -- was it your grandparents or maybe a friend? -- I guarantee you that it was somebody -- you might not even remember right now
-- kids seem to be born holding their forks like this -- the wrong way -- somebody had to teach you how to hold your fork right -- you had to learn it from somebody else, and now it's just something that you do -- something that you don't even think about
-- there's a lot of things in life that's like that -- tying your shoes -- brushing your teeth -- buttoning your shirt -- all of those fundamentals of life that you learned from somebody who already knew how to do them
-- maybe it wasn't something that they intentionally sat down and taught you -- maybe it's just something that you picked up by example -- just by watching them and listening to them and doing what you saw them do -- but now, it's a part of you -- it's just something that you do without even thinking about it
-- well, let me ask you this -- how did you learn how to relate to and love other people? -- who taught you how to be a husband? -- who taught you how to be a wife? -- who taught you how to be a friend?
-- odds are that no one sat down and taught you how to love someone else -- you probably just learned how to relate to other people based on imitation, just like everything else in your life that you just know -- you probably watched your mother and your father -- you watched your family -- and that's how you learned to love and relate to people
-- for many of us, that method didn't work -- we didn't learn to love and relate to people like God wanted us to -- we learned how to love and relate to people based on the examples that we saw -- and, as a result, we might have hurt some people we really didn't mean to -- we might have damaged some relationships -- all because we failed to learn how to love in a healthy way
-- so, this morning, as we conclude our series on the movie, "Fireproof," I want to show you a better way to love -- I want to teach you the fundamentals of a better way of loving based on the perfect example of Jesus
-- For the past five weeks we've been learning lessons from a couple named Caleb and Catherine -- the main characters in the movie "Fireproof" -- when the movie opens, Caleb and Catherine don't really know how to love each other -- their image of love is skewed -- and, as a result, they've done a lot of things that hurt each other
-- they've come to that resentment phase in a marriage that we talked about earlier -- and both of them wanted out -- then Caleb's father handed him a book called, "The Love Dare," which taught him the fundamentals of expressing love to Catherine based on a biblical understanding of true love
-- one of the issues that has caused problems in this marriage has been Caleb's obsession with owning a boat -- rather than contributing to the family finances -- rather than making sure the family had the money it needed to do what was necessary, Caleb has been hiding money in a savings account -- locking it up for years to buy a boat
-- and even though Catherine's mother needs some medical equipment and doesn't have the money to purchase it, it never crossed Caleb's mind to use this money -- that's a problem with locking money up in an account like that -- whether it's in a family or a church -- you start working for the money and not letting the money work for your family -- and that's exactly what Caleb has been doing
-- now we're going to watch the final clip from this movie where Caleb finally figures out the true nature of love -- this clip comes in two parts -- the first scene occurs early in the movie, when Caleb is still living selfishly -- the second scene happens weeks later after Caleb has started to learn the fundamentals of loving
-- let's watch the clip [show clip #6]
II. Scripture Lesson (From Fireproof Sermon Outline #6)
-- if you would, turn with me now to Luke 5 -- I want to show you the way Jesus loved people -- so, if you would, either follow along or listen as I read verses 1-11
1. One day as Jesus was standing by the Lake of Gennesaret, with the people crowding around him and listening to the word of God,
2. he saw at the water's edge two boats, left there by the fishermen, who were washing their nets.
3. He got into one of the boats, the one belonging to Simon, and asked him to put out a little from shore. Then he sat down and taught the people from the boat.
4. When he had finished speaking, he said to Simon, "Put out into deep water, and let down the nets for a catch."
5. Simon answered, "Master, we've worked hard all night and haven't caught anything. But because you say so, I will let down the nets."
6. When they had done so, they caught such a large number of fish that their nets began to break.
7. So they signaled their partners in the other boat to come and help them, and they came and filled both boats so full that they began to sink.
8. When Simon Peter saw this, he fell at Jesus' knees and said, "Go away from me, Lord; I am a sinful man!"
9. For he and all his companions were astonished at the catch of fish they had taken,
10. and so were James and John, the sons of Zebedee, Simon's partners. Then Jesus said to Simon, "Don't be afraid; from now on you will catch men."
11. So they pulled their boats up on shore, left everything and followed him.
-- this passage takes place very early at the start of Jesus' ministry -- He has just been baptized by John in the Jordan River -- He's been tempted by the devil in the wilderness -- and now He has started His ministry by preaching at the synagogue in Nazareth and by starting to do miracles
-- at this time, Jesus doesn't have any disciples -- He's met Simon Peter a few times -- but Peter has not yet committed to following Him -- this story, where Jesus preaches to a crowd on the shores of the Sea of Galilee is the point when Peter and the other three fishermen finally see Jesus for who He is and decide to follow Him with their whole heart
-- on the surface, this story seems rather straight-forward -- but if you look deeper, you'll see some lessons on love in this passage that you might miss -- partly because we're not reading it in the original Greek but also because we're reading it through eyes that don't really understand what love is all about
-- I think most of us here are aware that the English translation of the Bible does not have the richness or the fullness of the original Greek -- while we only have one word for love, the Greek language recognizes several different types -- generally, when you see the word "love" in the Bible, it is one of three words in the Greek that mean different aspects of love
-- the first is "eros" -- eros is sensual love -- and even though it's where we get our English word, "erotic," from, it's not really focused on sex in the Bible -- it's about pleasing the senses -- eros love asks the questions, "What can I get from this? -- What can I get from this relationship? -- How can I be pleased?"
-- the next type of love is "phileo" -- phileo is relational love -- it's a deeper love than eros because it looks past your own interests and considers the interests of a group of people -- whether that's family or friends -- phileo is sometimes called "brotherly love" -- it's where the city of Philadelphia gets its name -- phileo love asks the questions, "What can we get out of this? -- What can our family -- our friends -- get out of this situation?"
-- the final type of love is "agape" -- it is the better way of loving -- this is unconditional love -- it's the deepest kind of love that we know -- agape love doesn't consider our interests at all -- agape love is always about the other person -- instead of asking, "What can I get out of this?" like in eros love -- and instead of asking, "What can we get out of this?" as in phileo love -- agape love asks, "What can you get out of this? -- How can you be pleased?"
-- another way to remember these three types of loves is like this:
-- Eros loves when....
-- Phileo loves because....
-- Agape loves in spite of....
-- With that in mind, let's look back at this story that we just read -- in this passage, we read of the first time that Jesus preached outside of the synagogue -- a lot of people had started following Him because of the miracles He's been doing -- so Jesus stops to teach them
-- He's standing there on the shore of the Sea of Galilee -- and it's a perfect place to teach -- there's a natural slope so everyone can sit and see and hear well -- and as He starts to teach, more and more people start to come -- pretty soon, the little beach where He's at is full of people and there's not enough room
-- so Jesus backs up to give them more room -- but the crowd keeps pressing in on Him, so He asks Simon Peter to put the boat out and let Him teach from the boat -- this frees up the maximum amount of space along the seashore -- allows everyone to see, and the natural amplification of the water let's everybody hear what Jesus was saying
-- after the sermon was over, Jesus tells Peter to "Put out into the deep water and let's catch some fish." -- and Peter finally does so, and he and his partners end up catching so many fish their boats almost sink
-- that's the story that we just read -- that's what we see on the surface -- now, let's look a little deeper and think about what's going on from the angle of love
-- As Jesus began to teach the people, He had a choice of how to love them -- He could have erosed them, or phileosed them or He could have agaped them
-- His first challenge was how to manage the crowd.
-- If He had erosed them, He would have said to Himself, "I love it when this happens. I love it when a crowd comes to adore me." -- If the men and women had started pushing and shoving to get closer, Jesus would have pushed them back and said, "Careful! If you get rough with Me, I'll stop the lesson and you won't be able to learn any more today." -- Eros love is always about yourself -- what I can get out of this
-- If Jesus had phileosed them, He would have said to Himself, "This is so great. We're all here together to learn. I need to manage this thing so that none of us gets hurt." -- With this perspective, most likely He would have organized the people and asked them to treat each other nicely, and then gone on with His sermon. -- Phileo love looks out for the interest of the group -- what works best for my friends? -- how can we get the most out of this situation
-- but Jesus didn't employ either of those kinds of love -- honestly, I think it was outside of His nature -- as God -- as the third person of the Godhead, Jesus only knew how to love agape-style -- He only knew how to love unconditionally -- always thinking of someone else -- always putting the interests of others before Him
-- When the crowd began to grow, instead of thinking, "me," or "we," Jesus thought "them," and "you." -- as the crowd got bigger and bigger, Jesus' thoughts were on them -- "What can I do to serve these people better? -- How can I make it so that they all can hear and no one is getting too crowded or having to stand in the water to listen?"
-- so Jesus moved Himself into the boat and set it up so everyone could see and hear and feel comfortable -- That's real love, that's agape. – Not, "me," not even, "we," but "you" love.
-- that's the thing about loving -- it doesn't have to be grand gestures -- it doesn't have to be chocolates and flowers every single day -- true, agape love can be expressed in simple ways by simply answering the question, "What can I do for this other person?"
-- Jesus' second challenge in this story was how to show love to Peter.
-- If Jesus had been erosing that morning, when the sermon was over, He would have turned to Peter and pointed to Himself -- He would have said, "Wasn't that great! Did you see how responsive those people were to my teaching? -- now you need to serve Me and give Me something to drink" -- but that's not what He did
-- If Jesus had been phileosing, He would have turned and said, "Well, God was good, wasn't He? I think everybody had a good time today, don't you?"
-- Jesus doesn't do either of those things -- Instead, He loves in the better way -- When the sermon was over, instead of thinking about Himself, or even thinking about everyone there, He thought about Peter. "Hey Pete," He says, "Let's go catch some fish!"
-- And in His better way of loving, Jesus sets it up so that Peter experiences the catch of his life.
-- it's easy to miss in this passage if you're not looking for it -- what would have made the most sense for Jesus to do -- He's been sitting there in the boat for a long time teaching and preaching to the crowd -- I'm sure He was exhausted -- He probably was thirsty and could have been hungry, too -- it would have made more sense for Jesus to take care of Himself -- but that's not agape love
-- so what did Jesus do? -- He focused on Peter and on Peter's needs -- Jesus didn't need the fish -- He didn't need the exercise -- He didn't need to spend the extra few hours in the burning sun -- But Jesus wasn't in the boat for Himself -- He was in the boat for Peter -- So after the sermon was over, He just loved Peter in a way Peter could understand
-- we see this in every story about Jesus in the Bible -- in the passage right after this one, Luke tells us about Jesus healing a man with leprosy -- leprosy is a highly contagious disease -- and in Jesus' day, no one would ever touch a leper -- not only would it make them unclean in the eyes of the church -- but they might catch leprosy themselves -- so lepers lived like outcasts -- always on the fringe of society -- always longing for a glance -- for a touch -- for something that would make them feel human again
-- and how did Jesus love them? -- if He loved them with eros love, He would say, "I can't run the risk of touching them -- what if I caught leprosy?" -- if He loved them with phileo love, Jesus would say, "It's better for all of us that I don't touch them -- I need to remain clean and focus on my mission for everyone -- it's for the good of the ministry"
-- Jesus didn't do that -- Jesus loved them with agape love -- before He healed them -- while they were still unclean -- while they were still contagious -- Jesus did something for them that no one had in a long, long time -- He looked at them and met their need -- He thought of them first -- He agape'd them -- and so, before He healed them, He always touched them
-- and that's important -- He loved them as they were -- they didn't have to be clean to be loved by Jesus -- that would have been relating to them with eros or phileo love -- Jesus loved them with agape love, just as they were
-- can you imagine what our world would be like if all of us loved like that -- if in all of our relationships with other people -- our family -- our friends -- our acquaintances -- we loved them unconditionally -- not thinking about what we could get out of this -- not even thinking about what our group could get out of this -- but thinking about what the other person needed?
-- wouldn't the world be a better place if all of us loved like that?
III. Closing
-- O.K., I'm going to wrap this up now and I'm going to give you a few principles to help you think about this better way of loving
1. Better love thinks about others more than self -- can you see that from this story? -- can you see that in the example of Jesus
-- the first Promise Keepers conference I went to, Bishop Larry Jackson preached on this subject -- he was calling men to love their wives -- to think of their wives -- before themselves
-- there's one thing that a lot of men have problems with -- and that's taking out the trash -- and Bishop Jackson pointed out that we should love our wives enough to think of their needs first -- even the need to take the trash out
-- and he made this statement that I think sums up this type of love -- he said that the state of our trashcan symbolized the state of our love for our wife -- if our trashcan is overflowing -- if it's dirty and stinking because it's just been sitting there and we've just been thinking of ourselves and we haven't wanted to carry it out without being asked -- then that's how we're loving our wife
-- Jesus tells us here to love with agape love -- to think about others more than ourselves
2. Better love makes the first move
-- better love initiates the friendship rather than waiting for the other person to initiate it -- it was Jesus' idea to go fishing, not Peter's -- it was Jesus who called Peter to follow Him -- it wasn't Peter's idea -- love takes the first step -- it's proactive -- not reactive -- it doesn't wait for others to begin the friendship -- it doesn't wait for others to love first -- it makes the first move
-- getting back to the trash can -- better love says you take out the trash before you're asked -- you don't wait for the can to be overflowing -- you don't wait for the trash to be falling on the floor -- you don't wait for your wife to ask you -- you make the first move -- you anticipate the needs of others -- and you take the first step to love them
3. Better love takes risks -- agape love is risky -- giving yourself to another person -- putting their needs before your own is risky -- just think about what Jesus did when He touched the lepers -- Jesus may have been fully God, but He was also fully man -- if He was to fully experience a human life, He would have to be fully open to all of our temptations and to all of our risks -- there's no indication that Jesus was immune to leprosy -- He could have caught leprosy from the lepers He touched -- then, where would we have been? -- Jesus took a risk because of love
-- if you're going to agape someone, you're taking a risk -- they might take advantage of you -- they might not return the love -- it is a risk on your part -- but you have to accept that risk to experience a better way of loving -- you will never know what true agape love is like until you risk it with another person
4. Better love goes the last 10% -- better love gives it all -- it doesn't hold anything back
-- one of my favorite movies is the comedy with Will Smith called "Hitch" -- in this movie, Will Smith is an expert on love -- but he's an expert in eros love -- and as he's advising Kevin James how to win the girl, he tells him to never, ever, lean in and kiss her -- "only go 90% of the way -- let her come to you -- make her give you the last 10%"
-- better love -- agape love -- says "go for it" -- it says love with your whole heart -- don't hold anything back -- don't manipulate -- don't try to get the other person to meet you half-way -- don't try to get the other person to love you before you love them -- go the last 10% -- love them with your whole heart -- that is the better way
-- think about how Jesus loved us -- He didn't just love us 90% -- He didn't go to the cross and say, "I've done most of the work -- I've done 90% of what is required -- now you have to do the other 10% -- you have to do acts of service -- you have to clean yourself up -- you have to change to make up the other 10% -- and, when you do, then I will love you and save you" -- no, Jesus didn't do that -- Jesus gave all that He had on the cross -- He paid the full price -- 100% of our sin debt -- He touched us and loved us while we were lepers in our hearts -- while we were unclean -- while we were yet sinners
-- better love goes the last 10%
-- A psychologist once asked a group of children what it meant to love someone else -- in one way, it's surprising how close they came to agape love with their answers -- but, in another way, it's not surprising at all -- isn't that how God intended us to love? -- isn't that how God wanted us to love others? -- we know what agape love is when we see it because we were made to experience it and to give it
-- listen to their answers:
One little girl said, "WHEN MY GRANDMOTHER GOT ARTHRITIS, SHE COULDN'T BEND OVER AND PAINT HER TOENAILS ANYMORE. SO MY GRANDFATHER DOES IT FOR HER ALL THE TIME, EVEN WHEN HIS HANDS GOT ARTHRITIS TOO. THAT'S LOVE." – REBECCA, AGE 8
Another little girl said, "LOVE IS WHEN YOU GO OUT TO EAT AND GIVE SOMEBODY MOST OF YOUR FRENCH FRIES WITHOUT MAKING THEM GIVE YOU ANY OF THEIRS." – CHRISSY, AGE 6
A little boy said, "LOVE IS WHEN MY MOMMY MAKES COFFEE FOR MY DADDY AND SHE TAKES A SIP BEFORE GIVING IT TO HIM, TO MAKE SURE IT TASTES OKAY." – DANNY, AGE 7
Another said, "IF YOU WANT TO LEARN TO LOVE BETTER, YOU SHOULD START WITH A FRIEND WHO YOU HATE." – NIKKA, AGE 6
-- this last one is pretty good advice, because if you can learn to love a friend you hate, then you know you're not thinking "me," or "we" -- you know you're thinking "you." -- you know you're thinking about their needs -- And you know you're not waiting for them to start -- you're making the first move yourself -- You know you're taking a risk, because they might reject you -- And you know you're going the last 10%, because loving someone you hate is probably the last thing you'd ever want to do.
-- Our world needs a better way of loving. Our friends need a better way of loving. Our families need a better way of loving. We need a better way of loving, and Jesus' way is it -- that's what this entire series was about
-- to help us to learn how to love -- to not "love when" -- to not "love because" -- but rather, to "love regardless of."
-- Who do you need to love this way today? How will you love them this way?
-- None of us are going to become better at loving by accident -- It's very unlikely that any of us will drift into becoming more loving people -- The drift in life is always in the direction of ease and slothfulness -- It's always toward getting the world to rotate more towards our agenda, not us towards others'.
--But we can do this -- If we think about it -- if we pray about it -- talk about it -- work on it -- we can develop a better way of loving.
-- So who will you love this way today? And how will you do it?
-- I'm going to close now in prayer, but before I do, let me remind you that I have your final love dare challenge on the back table -- and let me remind you that if you need to feel love today -- if you need to experience agape love in your life -- this altar is open for you
-- let's pray
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