PURSUING HOLINESS: SELF-CONTROL
16 August 2009
I. Introduction
-- turn in Bibles to Titus 2
11. For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men.
12. It teaches us to say "No" to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age,
13. while we wait for the blessed hope--the glorious appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ,
14. who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good.
-- this morning, we are finishing up our series on pursuing holiness -- for the last eight weeks, we have looked at the fruit of the Spirit that Paul listed for us in Galatians 5:22-23 -- it's kind of like we were given this wonderful fruit basket, filled with fruit of all different kinds just for us to take out and enjoy -- and we've gone through the basket -- pulling out a different fruit every week
-- but now we're at the bottom of the basket, and the only thing left is that one fruit that we really don't want -- that one fruit that we wish God had never put in the basket to start with -- of course, I'm talking about self-control
-- you know, we've enjoyed the other fruit -- we've liked taking them out and partaking of them -- who doesn't want more joy and peace in their lives -- no one has a problem with being more kind or gentle or good -- more loving -- more patient -- more faithful -- but self-control? -- that doesn't even look like it belongs in the basket to start with
-- in the Spirit's fruit basket, self-control is the lemon -- it's that fruit that people put in because it looks good in the basket -- it adds color -- it adds variety -- but no one really expects you to eat it, do they? -- no one really expects you to take it out and do something with it, do they?
-- yeah, self-control is the bitter fruit in the Spirit's basket -- but of all the fruit, this is the one that determines our success as men and women of Christ -- this is the one that determines whether we will become mature Christians -- this is the one that determines if we will truly become holy as God is holy
II. The Problem with a Lack of Self-Control
-- we have a problem with self-control in our culture today -- we can't seem to control ourselves or our actions -- we just don't seem capable of saying the word, "No" -- it's a disease -- an epidemic -- that is insidious and infectious
-- and because of our inability to control ourselves and our actions -- because of our inability to say "No" to anyone or anything, we find ourselves busier than ever before -- we find every minute of every day planned out in our lives so much that we don't have time for ourselves or our God -- we run around from place to place -- staying busy and doing things -- running the rat-race without ever considering the cost
-- because of microwaves and gas grills that cook our food in a fraction of the time -- because of instant news and movies on demand -- because of fast food drive-thru's and 24-hour megastores, we've become accustomed to getting what we want at the moment we want it -- instant gratification for all our wants and desires -- but, it's left us wounded and weary
-- everyone here knows about our country's current economic condition -- many of us have been affected by it in one way or the other -- you can blame the last administration -- you can blame your politician of choice -- you can blame the war or global warming or whatever you choose -- but, the bottom-line is that this crisis was caused because of a lack of self-control -- it was caused because we just couldn't say, "No."
-- we wanted bigger and more expensive houses, but we didn't want to wait -- so when our banks offered us sub-prime mortgages and dangled the keys in front of us, we said "Yes," instead of "No" -- when we were faced with a plethora of choices and new technologies lining the shelves of our stores, we didn't want to wait to get them, and so we said, "Yes," to higher and higher interest rates on credit cards -- it was always "Yes" and never "No"
"Yes" to car loans for cars we couldn't afford -- "Yes" to new and bigger homes -- "Yes" to that next appointment that over-filled our calendar -- "Yes" to that coworker that flirted just a little too much -- "Yes" to that extra drink -- "Yes" to that recreational drug -- "Yes" to that e-mail that promised sexual gratification without any strings -- "Yes" to that extra dessert -- "Yes" to just one more helping -- "Yes, Yes, Yes"
-- and so we talk today in our culture and in our media about the mortgage crisis -- the marriage crisis -- the credit crisis -- the obesity crisis -- the pornography crisis -- all because we refuse to exert any self-control over our actions -- all because we refuse to say "No"
-- it's funny that we would do that -- our culture is so focused on success -- we are so focused on getting ahead and being successful in life that you would think we'd do whatever it took to get there -- do you know what the key indicator of future success is? -- self-control
-- anyone in here ever heard of the marshmallow test? -- back in the 1960s, Walter Mischel tested a group of four-year-old children for self control -- he gave each kid a marshmallow and he told them that they could eat it anytime they want -- but if they waited 15 minutes, they would get another marshmallow -- so Mischel left the room and left the kids alone with their marshmallow
-- and they tried so hard -- they fidgeted -- they looked at the marshmallow -- they looked at the clock -- and some of them just couldn't stand it -- they said, "Yes" and just dove in and ate it right away -- others made it the whole 15 minutes and then got their reward of another marshmallow when Mischel came back
-- Mischel then followed this group of kids for the next few decades -- and what he discovered was that the kids who said, "No" -- the kids who exerted self-control and accepted delayed gratification did better in life -- they were more successful -- as a whole, their SAT scores were higher -- the boys had fewer problems with authorities and with getting in trouble -- the girls were less likely to get pregnant
-- a few years ago, Dr. Roy Baumeister of Case Western Reserve University repeated this study -- and his results were the same -- he concluded that self-control predicts success in life over a very long time -- in an interview on 20-20, he said, "If we're concerned about raising children to be successful and healthy and happy, forget about self-esteem. Concentrate on self-control."
III. Scripture Lesson (Titus 2:11-14)
-- while Dr. Baumeister was talking about secular success, we could say the same thing about the spiritual realm -- if we want our spiritual lives to be successful, healthy, and happy -- if we want to be mature in our walk with Christ -- if we want to do more than be Sunday Christians who just warm pews for one-hour a week -- then we must concentrate on self-control -- we have to learn to say "No" to some things so that we can say "Yes" to better things
-- that's exactly the message that Paul was giving to his protege Titus in this passage -- look back at verse 11 with me and let's see what we can learn from Paul's instructions to Titus
-- verse 11
11. For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men.
-- "for the grace of God" -- God's gift -- God's power and blessing given to us so that we might experience salvation -- saved -- not just from our sins -- not just from death -- but from the world and the kingdom of the world
-- that's the thing we need to keep in mind as we look at self-control -- this is a fruit of the Spirit -- self-control is not will-power -- self-control doesn't mean us controlling ourselves -- it's not something that we're doing on our own
-- self-control means allowing the grace of God through the presence and power of the Holy Spirit to control us -- to control our self -- our flesh -- so that we live for the Spirit and not for us
-- in other words, on our own we just seem incapable of saying "No" -- we just don't have the power to do that -- but as we develop and grow this fruit of the Spirit in our lives -- as we let the Holy Spirit work within us -- God gives us the ability to say "No" to the things of the world -- He gives us the power and He expects us to use this power to exert control over our self
-- verse 12
12. It teaches us to say "No" to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age,
13. while we wait for the blessed hope--the glorious appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ,
-- it's the divine marshmallow test -- God's grace -- His Spirit within us -- teaches us to say "No" to the world -- to say "No" to ungodliness -- to say "No" to sin -- because we are waiting for a greater reward
-- God's grace teaches us that if we wait just a short while that we will be rewarded with an even greater blessing
-- notice what Paul says here to Titus -- he's not telling Titus to say "No" to everything -- that's not what God wants -- Jesus said that He came that we might have life and have it to the full -- but having a mortgage or a car payment that we can't pay -- having a calendar that's busting at the seams -- having sin and ungodliness running rampant is not what Jesus meant by having a full life
-- Jesus meant a life filled with the goodness that comes only from Him -- with the things that yield eternal value -- what is truly important? -- at the end of your life -- when you stop and take account of all that you have -- of all that you have done -- of all that you have experienced -- what is going to be the most important? -- what are you going to take with you?
-- when you're laying on your death bed, having that expensive house is just not going to mean a whole lot -- having that shiny new car in the drive isn't going to matter -- having the latest gadgets or having just seen the hottest new movie or the hottest new show isn't going to count for much
-- the most important things of life aren't really things at all -- they are family and friends who love -- they are the lives of people that you have touched along the way -- they are the way you lived and carried yourself in this world -- your character -- your integrity -- your legacy
-- so, Paul says here, "Say 'No,' to worldly passions -- say 'no' to ungodliness -- say 'no' to things that are keeping you from the important things of life"
-- self-control isn't just about saying "no" -- it's more about saying "Yes" to the right things
-- verse 14
14. who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good.
-- Paul reminds us again right here that this is the reason Jesus came -- this is the reason Jesus died on the cross -- He died to redeem us -- to buy us back from the world and from the broken system and value of the world -- to give us His power to say "No" to the things that lead to death -- to purify us and make us holy -- to separate us out from the world and to make us part of His kingdom -- a people who are eager to do good
-- I really like the KJV translation of this verse -- it says that Jesus came to "purify unto himself a peculiar people" -- as Christians, we are nothing if we're not peculiar -- that means we're different from those around us
-- we don't follow their pattern -- we don't follow their lead -- we don't have to give in to the rat-race -- we don't have to trade our clunkers for new cars -- we don't have to go in debt up to our ears to keep up with the Jones' -- we don't have to trade our integrity and character for instant gratification that never really satisfies
-- I'm a big Dave Ramsey fan -- the Christian financial guru -- and I like what Dave says, "We live different from everybody else now so that we can live different from everybody else later" -- in other words, we don't follow the world because their path leads to destruction -- we follow Christ and live for Him because His path leads to a different and better life
IV. Closing
-- self-control -- the lemon in the Spirit's fruit basket -- but, you know what you can do with lemons, don't you? -- make lemonade
-- we need to learn to develop self-control in our lives -- we all do -- there are certainly areas in your life, just like mine, where we need to rely on the Spirit's power to control our appetites and our desires
-- for some of us it may be time management -- for others it might be our spending -- for others, our diet -- perhaps for some, it is a nagging sin or other ungodly behavior that is controlling your life
-- perhaps you've tried to gain control of your life in the past -- that's really what we do every New Year's Day when we make resolutions -- but, if you're like most of us, you probably failed -- because you were relying on your own strength -- your self -- instead of God's strength
--- the good thing about self-control is that it can be learned and applied in everyone's life -- studies have shown that kids can be taught patience -- they can be taught to wait for a reward -- they can be taught to say "No" now so they can say "Yes" to something better later
-- so, how do we develop self-control in our lives? -- well, since this is a fruit of the Spirit, the first thing we have to do is plant the seed and water it and let it start to grow
-- we start by believing that saying "No" is possible -- granted, we probably can't do it on our own -- but, if we can get in our head the idea that "No" is the right answer, then we have won most of the battle
-- the first step, then, is to examine our wants and our wishes -- is this something that is Godly? -- is this something that will build us up and help us be more like Christ? -- or is this something that will take away from our relationship with Him or our relationship with our family?
-- for instance, ask yourself, "If I buy this car -- this CD -- this stereo -- this whatever -- what will it take to pay the price? -- Will I have to work more and longer to pay for it? -- Will it take time away from my family? -- Will it take time away from my God? -- Will this become the focus of my life, at least for a little while?
-- simply asking those questions is the first step in self-control -- if you don't get anything else from this sermon, get this -- "Yes" is not always the answer
-- next, acknowledge that you are responsible for your choice -- we have free will -- God is not going to make the choice for us -- we can choose to say "Yes" and follow the world or we can choose to say "No" and follow God -- that choice is up to us and no one else
-- Flip Wilson's Geraldine used to say, "The devil made me do it" -- but that's not true -- yes, the devil and the world and our own flesh influence us and lead us to make the wrong choice, but ultimately, it is you and me that make that decision -- acknowledge that you are responsible for the choices you make
-- third, once you have decided that "No" is possible and that "No" is your choice, don't go it alone -- ask God to give you His strength to move forward with the right choice -- this is where a lot of us fail -- we try in our strength -- we try to use will-power and self-force -- but the Bible says self-control is a fruit of the Spirit -- it only comes through the power of God manifested in our lives -- we have to ask God to give us His grace and power to say "No" and mean it
-- finally, we have to learn to take baby steps -- you can't overcome a lifetime of saying "Yes" in one moment -- just like you learned to walk -- taking just one step at a time and picking yourself up when you fell -- you have to do the same thing with self-control -- you are going to fall and fail -- you're going to find yourself giving again and again to the same old want and wish -- but, as you learn to rely on the Holy Spirit -- as you learn to say "No" in His strength -- you should experience more and more victories in your life
-- remember that holiness is a process -- it's not an instantaneous event -- it is something that you have to work at -- the goal is to move forward towards Christ rather than moving backwards towards the world -- it's o.k. to fall and fail so long as you pick yourself up and move forward again -- and over a lifetime of trusting God in this way, you will see His image reflected in your own
-- in the movie, "The Family Man" with Nicolas Cage there's this scene where Nicolas Cage walks into a store to get a cup of coffee -- the girl in front of him buys something that costs ninety-nine cents -- she hands the clerk a dollar
-- the clerk takes nine dollars out of the cash register and counts it out to her -- giving her way too much change -- she sees that he is handing her too much money, yet she picks it up and puts it in her pocket without saying a word
-- as she is walking out the door, the clerk stops her to give her another change -- he asks her if there is anything else she needs -- she pauses for a moment and shakes her head no and walks out
-- the clerk looks over at Nicolas Cage, and says, 'Did you see that? She was willing to sell her character for nine dollars. Nine dollars!'"
-- what is the price of your character? -- is it saying "Yes" to every sin and worldly passion that comes your way? -- is it having an overflowing dayplanner -- a stack of unpaid bills -- secret sins that you hide from the world?
-- every day, the Holy Spirit gives us the chance to turn around and do the right thing -- every day, the Holy Spirit tells us, "If you'll just say 'No,' I'll give you the power to move on" -- every day, God calls us control our selves so that we might live for Him
-- the choice is up to us -- the lemon of self-control is in the basket -- will you pick it up and make lemonade or will you just ignore it and let it go away?
-- let's pray
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