SERMON: THE REAL “F” WORD -- “FORGIVENESS”

16 October 2016

I.  Introduction

            -- turn in Bibles to 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 [New International Version (NIV)]

⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. ⁸ Love never fails.

            -- the words I opened with come from one of the most familiar and most quoted passages in the whole Bible -- 1 Corinthians 13 -- the love chapter -- it’s in this passage that God, speaking through the Apostle Paul, expounded on what true love -- agape love -- should look like in our lives and how we should express His love to others -- it is a reminder that love is what matters most in life -- that love is demonstrated through patience and kindness -- and that speaking the truth in love is to speak life into someone’s walk with Jesus

            -- this morning, we are going to focus on verse 5 in this passage -- “Love is not rude -- it is not self-seeking -- it is not easily angered -- it keeps no record of wrongs”

            -- I’ve borrowed the title of my message -- The Real “F” Word -- from Rev. Ed Young from Dallas, TX -- although it’s not a dirty word -- it’s not a cuss word -- sometimes in the church and in our lives, we treat the word “forgiveness” as something that should not be said -- as something that should not be spoken or talked about -- as something that is not achievable or to be practiced in our lives

            -- but as we move deeper and deeper into the love relationship that Jesus calls us to, we run face to face with this word and we are forced to deal with others in our lives who have wronged us in some way or the other -- the ultimate test of love is how we respond in these situations -- the ultimate test of love is how we respond when somebody hurts us

            -- the Bible tells us that the only way we should respond -- the only way we can respond -- the only way we can grow in grace and continue down the path to spiritual maturity and deeper love with Christ -- is through forgiving others in our hearts for what they have done to us

II.  What is forgiveness and why should we forgive?

      -- so, this morning my goal is to encourage you to examine your relationships with others and to challenge you to forgive those who have wronged you and have hurt you in the past

      -- before we can do that -- before we can come to the point where we can forgive someone who has hurt us and wronged us -- we are going to need a better understanding of what forgiveness is -- why we should forgive -- and how we can then begin the process of forgiving them

      -- so, what is forgiveness and why should we forgive? -- I think a lot of us have a misconception about what forgiveness is and this misconception keeps us from practicing forgiveness in our lives

      -- typically, when we think of forgiveness, we think of restoration -- we think that forgiveness means telling a person that all is forgotten -- that everything is okay -- and then welcoming that person back into our lives -- restoring the relationship that once existed

      -- when most people think of forgiveness, this is what they picture in their mind -- it’s the common definition of forgiveness

      -- several years ago at a Promise Keeper’s Event, Gary Rosenberg told the story of a couple that came to him for counseling -- the couple had been happily married for years and had two little children -- one day, the father went into the baby's room to get diapers from the closet, and discovered a stack of love letters written to his wife -- the only problem was that he did not write these love letters -- he went downstairs and found his wife and said two words to her, "I know." -- immediately, she turned white as a ghost and said how sorry she was -- that it was a mistake and that it wouldn't happen again and begged her husband to forgive her and not to leave her

      -- now, in our common view of what forgiveness is, the husband, being a good Christian man -- would turn to her and say, "I forgive you" and would just forget about her adultery and they would act like nothing ever happened -- they’d just go about their days living happily ever after

      -- but in reality, we know this is not what usually happens -- the husband in this case was deeply wounded by his wife -- she had sinned against him -- she had violated his trust -- there was a deep hurt in his heart that needed to be repaired -- and there was no way that he could simply forget what had happened and go on with life as it was

      -- however, that is not what biblical forgiveness looks like -- biblical forgiveness doesn’t mean that when we are wronged, we just call up the other person and say "You're forgiven" and forget about the hurt and go on with our life as if nothing happened

      -- forgiveness, first and foremost, is not about restoring a relationship -- restoration and reunion may eventually come through forgiveness -- but that is not the primary purpose of forgiveness

      -- I want you to listen to this -- I want you to understand this -- the primary purpose of forgiving -- the reason God calls us to forgive others -- is for us -- the primary purpose of forgiveness is to heal the hurts and the scars in our heart that were caused when someone that we trusted trespassed against us and sinned against us and wronged us

      -- forgiveness is about healing the hurt within us -- forgiveness always begins on the inside

      -- true forgiveness is an act of God’s grace towards the one who was wronged -- it is one-sided -- it doesn’t even involve the other person -- true forgiveness occurs when you make the choice to heal the hurt that is within you -- when you decide to let go of the hurt and the anger and the bitterness inside and you choose to let God heal you from the inside out

      -- you can forgive someone and never, ever restore your relationship with them or even let them know that you have forgiven them -- forgiveness is simply a matter of the heart

      -- along those same lines, forgiveness is not minimizing the seriousness of the offense            -- it’s not sweeping wrongs under the rug -- it’s not just forgetting what has happened -- when there’s a need for forgiveness, it’s because we have been wronged -- we have been hurt -- our trust has been broken -- forgiveness is God’s way of healing that hurt within us

      -- it is not something that we do for others -- it is something that we do for ourselves -- forgiveness is something that happens within us -- within our hearts -- and it doesn't have to involve anyone else

      -- forgiveness is about getting rid of the bitterness and hatred and anger that is eating away at our souls -- it is about healing our own hearts and letting go of the hurts within us so that we might grow in Christ’s love -- forgiveness, at its core, is about us and our relationship with God and doesn’t depend on what the other person does or doesn’t do

            -- let me show you an example -- if you would, turn with me over to Genesis 37 and let’s look real quick at the story of Joseph

Genesis 37:1-5 [New International Version (NIV)]

37 Jacob lived in the land where his father had stayed, the land of Canaan. ² This is the account of Jacob’s family line. Joseph, a young man of seventeen, was tending the flocks with his brothers, the sons of Bilhah and the sons of Zilpah, his father’s wives, and he brought their father a bad report about them.

³ Now Israel loved Joseph more than any of his other sons, because he had been born to him in his old age; and he made an ornate robe for him. ⁴ When his brothers saw that their father loved him more than any of them, they hated him and could not speak a kind word to him.⁵ Joseph had a dream, and when he told it to his brothers, they hated him all the more.

            -- Joseph’s brothers hated him -- they hated him with a passion -- they didn’t like the fact that their father loved him more than them -- and they certainly didn’t like the fact that he had apparently been blessed by God and had been placed over them -- and, to top it all off, they certainly didn’t like the fact that Joseph was a tattle-tale and had told his father that they weren’t doing their job when they were supposed to be tending the flocks

            -- Joseph’s brothers hated him and didn’t want anything to do with him -- and things only got worse from that point -- we read here that one day after Joseph had tattled on his brothers, Jacob sent him to check up on them while they were with the family’s flocks near Dothan

            -- look down at verse 18

Genesis 37:18-20 [New International Version (NIV)]

¹⁸ But they saw him in the distance, and before he reached them, they plotted to kill him.19 “Here comes that dreamer!” they said to each other. ²⁰ “Come now, let’s kill him and throw him into one of these cisterns and say that a ferocious animal devoured him. Then we’ll see what comes of his dreams.”

            -- sibling rivalry is one thing -- but Joseph’s brother hated him so much that they wanted to kill him -- when they saw him come walking up wearing his coat of many colors, they just got all angry again and decided to kill him and throw him in a cistern and to claim that wild animals had eaten him -- luckily for Joseph, Reuben managed to keep the others from killing him and they just threw him into a cistern alive, but that was just the beginning of the problems for Joseph

            -- verse 26

Genesis 37:26-28 [New International Version (NIV)]

²⁶ Judah said to his brothers, “What will we gain if we kill our brother and cover up his blood? ²⁷ Come, let’s sell him to the Ishmaelites and not lay our hands on him; after all, he is our brother, our own flesh and blood.” His brothers agreed.
²⁸ So when the Midianite merchants came by, his brothers pulled Joseph up out of the cistern and sold him for twenty shekels of silver to the Ishmaelites, who took him to Egypt

            -- after Reuben left, the brothers talked about what to do with Joseph -- rather than killing him, they decided to sell him as a slave to the Ishmaelites, who eventually carried him into Egypt

            -- so here’s Joseph, the favorite son of his father -- blessed by God -- called to be the leader of his family -- and now he’s sold into slavery and carried into Egypt, where the Ishmaelites sell him to Potiphar, one of Pharaoh’s captains

            -- real quick, I’m going to sum up Joseph’s life from this point -- I’m going to cover about 7 chapters in the Bible, so hang on

            -- things were going as good as they could for Joseph at Potiphar’s house, until he had a run in with Potiphar’s wife, who tried to seduce him -- he ended up being falsely accused of sexual assault and thrown into prison

            -- in prison, Joseph did the best he could -- with God’s help, he interpreted the dreams of a couple of his fellow prisoners, Pharaoh’s baker and the cupbearer -- when he discovered that the cupbearer would be restored to his former position, Joseph asked the cupbearer to remember him and plead his case before Pharaoh, but the cupbearer forget for two whole years

            -- so get this picture in your mind -- here is Joseph, sold as a slave in Egypt -- falsely accused and thrown into prison -- all because of his brothers and their hatred of him -- Joseph really hadn’t done anything to them, but they had intentionally caused him nothing but hurt in his life -- they had wronged him -- they had broken trust with him -- and while they were still living in the land of Canaan, Joseph was living in prison

            -- if there’s anyone you would expect to be bitter, it would be Joseph -- if there’s anyone you would expect to see have difficulty forgiving, it would be Joseph -- he could have laid there in that prison and let the wrongs that had been done against him eat at his heart -- he could have let the anger and the bitterness and the wrongness of it all continue to grow, until it turned his heart into something that was as dark and twisted as his brother’s hearts

            -- but Joseph didn’t do that -- he refused to stoop to their level -- even though his brothers didn’t come to him and beg forgiveness for what they had done, at some point, he still forgave them -- even though his brothers weren’t there with him, he forgave them from his heart -- and God rewarded his demonstration of love and forgiveness

            -- flip over to Genesis 45

Genesis 45:1-5 [New International Version (NIV)]

45 Then Joseph could no longer control himself before all his attendants, and he cried out, “Have everyone leave my presence!” So there was no one with Joseph when he made himself known to his brothers. ² And he wept so loudly that the Egyptians heard him, and Pharaoh’s household heard about it.

³ Joseph said to his brothers, “I am Joseph! Is my father still living?” But his brothers were not able to answer him, because they were terrified at his presence.
⁴ Then Joseph said to his brothers, “Come close to me.” When they had done so, he said, “I am your brother Joseph, the one you sold into Egypt! ⁵ And now, do not be distressed and do not be angry with yourselves for selling me here, because it was to save lives that God sent me ahead of you

            -- eventually, Joseph was taken out of prison and given a position at the right hand of Pharaoh -- eventually, he reconciled with his brothers -- but he was only able to do so because he had already forgiven them in his heart years earlier

            -- when Joseph was laying in prison and finally reached the point where he was able to truly forgiven his brothers, he didn’t know he would ever see them again -- he had no idea he would ever see them again -- he had no way of knowing his brothers would come from Canaan to Egypt seeking food and end up before him in Pharaoh’s court

            -- but because Joseph walked with God, he knew that unforgiveness would have been like a cancer -- eating away at his soul, damaging his relationship with God, and placing him in bondage to his brothers forever -- for those reasons, Joseph had sought healing years before by forgiving his brothers for what they had done to him

III.  How do we forgive?

      -- so, how do we forgive? -- how do we follow Joseph’s footsteps and forgive those who have wronged us

      -- in his book, "The Art of Forgiving," Lewis Smedes outlines three steps to forgiveness that we follow when we truly seek healing in our life

      -- first, we begin the process of forgiving when we start separating the person who wronged us from the wrong that they did to us -- when someone wrongs us, in our minds, they become the wrong that they did to us -- we say things like, "he is nothing but a cheat -- he is nothing but a liar" -- we look at them and all we see is the sin

      -- but, as Smedes points out, when we begin the miracle of healing, we begin to see our enemy through a cleaner lens, less smudged by hate -- we begin to see them as a person who did something wrong -- not as wrong itself

      -- when God forgave us, the first thing He did was to separate us from our sin -- we were not the problem -- it was the sin that was the problem and that needed to be dealt with -- so God provided a way to cover our sins -- because of that, when God sees us, He doesn't see our sin any longer -- He sees the person underneath the sin, cleansed through the blood of Christ and standing righteous in His sight

      -- the first step to forgiveness, then, is continuing to hate the sin but not the person who committed the sin against you

      -- the second step to forgiveness is to surrender our right to get even -- when we are first wronged -- when we are first hurt -- we want to get even -- we want the other person to suffer like we have suffered and to know that they are suffering because of what they did to us -- we call this "vengeance"

      -- this desire for vengeance is the poison that damages your heart if you withhold forgiveness from another person -- it has been said that unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping the other person might die -- remember, we forgive because we are the ones who need to be healed

      -- so when you start on the road to forgiveness, one of the things you must do is to release your right to vengeance -- to hurting the other person unjustly -- keep in mind, though, that there is a difference between vengeance and justice -- vengeance is our pleasure of seeing someone who hurt us get hurt back -- justice is making sure that someone pays a fair penalty for wronging another -- vengeance is personal satisfaction -- justice is moral accountability

      -- forgiveness does not do away with justice -- someone who wronged you may have to pay for the wrong that they have done -- but, forgiveness does mean that you don't desire them to be hurt in an unjust way simply as revenge for what they did to you

      -- the final step to forgiveness is when you revise your feelings towards the person that wronged you -- you no longer hate them in your heart for who they are and what they did to you -- and you even can hope that God's grace might fall into their lives and they might start living better lives

      -- this does not excuse the wrong that they have done -- it does not mean that we are going to tolerate them trespassing against us again and it does not necessarily mean that we are going to restore our relationship with them -- remember, restoration is not part of biblical forgiveness

      -- but it means that you no longer have a desire for them to suffer because of what they have done to you -- and it means that if God was to reach out and touch them and change their lives for the better, that you would be happy to see that happen

      -- when you have reached this stage of forgiveness, you can know for sure that the hatred and the bitterness are now removed from your life and that your heart has been healed and restored by the miraculous power of forgiveness

      -- one thing to keep in mind is that forgiveness is a daily choice we have to make -- when someone has wronged you deeply -- when you have been hurt and trust has been broken -- it is not likely that you are going to be able to just forgive them and move in

      -- the hurts will come back -- the pain will come back -- your feelings of anger and resentment will come back -- and you’re going to find the need to let go of that pain and that hurt and to forgive that person time and time again -- forgiveness is a process -- a choice -- and it may take weeks or months or even years before you are truly at peace with another person in your heart -- but it’s something you have to do -- not for someone else -- for you and your relationship with God

IV.  Closing

      -- forgiveness is a gift from God -- through Christ, God forgave us for the sins that we committed -- He refused to pour out His vengeance and wrath on us but offered His very Son as a sacrifice to ensure that justice was done -- and, once justice was served, God poured out His blessings on us -- on the very people that once had trespassed against Him

      -- in the same way, God calls for us to forgive others that have trespassed against us -- He knows that our hearts have been hurt and damaged by others -- and He knows that these wounded hearts can keep us from loving Him and loving others as He wants

      -- so, He encourages us to offer forgiveness to others in our hearts -- so that in the process of forgiveness we might find healing from the hatred and bitterness and resentment that we have built up in our lives

      -- when I went to my first Kairos, I saw the power of forgiveness in the life of another person -- those men in that place had deeply wounded hearts -- they were not only held in physical bars in that place, but they were bound up with spiritual bars of hatred and resentment and unforgiveness to others in their lives

      -- a lot of them were in prison because of the hurts that others had inflicted upon them -- their wives -- their fathers -- their mothers -- friends -- others they knew -- it had led them down the path of violence and hurt and lawlessness that landed them in prison

      -- as part of the weekend, we led them through the process of forgiveness and helped them to release the hurts in their hearts through the power of Christ

      -- and I watched as many of those men wept with joy for the first time in their lives -- as they truly forgave those who hurt them and as they were freed to allow the blessing and salvation of God into their hearts -- relationships may not have been restored that weekend, but lives were changed through the healing power of forgiveness

      -- there is power in forgiveness -- and that is why Jesus commands us to pray daily, "Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us"

      -- so how do we put this into practice -- this week, I want you to spend some time in prayer asking the question, “Who do I need to forgive?” -- and when you’ve been given an answer by God, then I want you to pray for that person and I want you to consider offering them forgiveness from your heart

      -- this doesn’t mean you’ll call them up or even reach out to them -- you may never talk to that person again -- beginning the process of forgiveness means that there, in the quiet of your heart and in the presence of God, you’ll choose to let go of the hurt so that your heart might be healed -- so that your love for God and for others might grow

      -- so, as I close, I want to invite you to search your hearts and begin the process of forgiving those who have wronged you in the past -- not for their sake -- but for the healing that God offers you and so that you can continue to walk the path of love with Christ

      -- let us pray