SERMON: HEALING FORGIVENESS

I.  Introduction

      -- turn in Bibles to Matthew 6:9-15

Matthew 6:9-15 (NIV)

9 "This, then, is how you should pray: "'Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name,

10 your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.

11 Give us today our daily bread.

12 Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.

13 And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.'

14 For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.

15 But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

      -- as you know, I took off a few days last week to carry my mother to West Virginia to see her family -- we stopped off in Greensboro, NC, and visited with my uncle and his family -- and then we carried him with us on to West Virginia -- and, even though I mostly went on this trip for her, it meant a lot to me, too, because this is the first time I’ve been to West Virginia in at least 40 years -- my parents had been up there a few times in recent years, but this was my first visit and my first time to see relatives up there in almost four decades

      -- and what was really surprising to me is how it felt like going home -- I recognized a lot of the area -- I had more memories of the places and of the stories than I thought I would -- and it felt comfortable and right sitting with my great-aunt and uncle and cousins and just visiting and talking with them

      -- it turns out family is still family, no matter how distant -- and being family means we’re a lot alike -- even though I haven’t been around these people in 40 years, I saw myself in them in a lot of ways and they recognized themselves in me -- I can’t tell you how many times I heard someone compare me to Uncle Bill and comment on how my humor is just like his -- or how we’d be talking about something and realize that we all had the same thoughts or the same habits in that area -- I guess that’s what people mean when they talk about family traits being carried on through the younger generations

      -- one family trait I noticed that we did all share was the ability to hold a grudge -- when someone wrongs us or hurts us or hurts one of our family members, we remember -- we don’t forget -- and that’s both good and bad -- it’s good from the sense that we are faithful and loyal and fiercely supportive of our family -- it speaks to the backbone of our family and what we hold dear

      -- but, this family trait to hold a grudge is negative when it leads you to not forgive someone when they wrong you -- unforgiveness -- even unforgiveness concerning a justified wrong -- can build up in your heart and lead to a bitterness in the soul that affects who you are and your relationship with Christ and with others

      -- I saw that trait in my life clearly this week -- after I got back from West Virginia, I went out to eat lunch with someone from the office -- and while we were waiting in line, I recognized someone coming in the restaurant -- it was a guy I went to high school with -- a guy my sister graduated with -- I knew him well -- I knew his family -- we grew up together -- he had been in my house and I have been in his -- we even went to the University of Georgia together -- it should have been a moment where we reconnected and spoke to one another and caught up on each other’s lives

      -- but that didn’t happen because, in my mind, this guy had wronged my family -- several years ago, we needed help and we had gone to him for assistance -- it’s what he did for a living -- and even though we were friends -- even though we had known each other and each other’s families for our whole lives, he looked me in the eye and said, “No” -- he refused to help us when we needed help desperately

      -- and, even though that happened almost 10 years ago, I just couldn’t forget -- I just couldn’t forgive -- and even though he stood in the line behind me to order his meal, I kept my back turned to him and never once said a word -- bitterness filled my soul -- because I had not forgiven him for the wrong he had done, I was filled with hatred and animosity towards him, and it affected me more deeply than it would ever affect him

      -- this morning, we are going to be talking about what it means to forgive -- a lot of times when we talk about forgiveness in the church, our focus is always on the forgiveness of Christ for our sins -- the forgiveness of the cross

      -- but we can never forget that we, who have received such forgiveness from Christ, are commanded to live out that love and that gift by forgiving those who have wronged us

      -- Jesus told His disciples that the world would know them by their love -- and that love is no more evident than when we forgive someone who has wronged us

      -- in fact, we see this command to forgive others right here in one of the most familiar passages of Scripture in all the Bible -- the Lord's Prayer -- how many times have you heard this prayer in church? -- how many times have you prayed this prayer yourself?

      -- and, in all of those times, how often did you stop to think about what you were asking God in verse 12? -- look back at verse 12 again

12 Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.

      -- this version says, "forgive us our debts" -- others say, "forgive us our trespasses" -- but it means the same thing -- forgive us when we do something wrong -- forgive us when we sin against you

      -- that's the basis of our faith in Christ, isn't it? -- that's the message of the Cross -- Christ has forgiven us of all of our sins and our acts of disobedience -- all of our debts and trespasses

      -- but, have you ever noticed the second part of that verse?

12 Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.

      -- in my opinion, this is one of the scariest passages in the Bible, because the implications are profound -- Christ is literally telling us here that if we do not forgive others -- if we do not forgive those who trespass against us -- those who have wronged us -- those who have sinned against us and hurt us -- then we will not be forgiven by God

      -- Is this what Jesus is actually telling us here? -- is He actually telling us that we will not receive forgiveness from God if we harbor unforgiveness in our heart? -- the answer, as best I can tell from my study of scripture, is "yes"

      -- and, in case you didn't get that from verse 12, Jesus said it again in even stronger terms -- look at verses 14-15

Matthew 6:14-15 (NIV)

14 For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.

15 But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

      -- stop and think about that for a moment -- think about what that means in light of your salvation

            -- as the authors of "Truefaced" point out, "if we harbor unforgiveness in our hearts towards others, how can we even pretend that we are truly desirous of His forgiveness toward us?"

            -- the Apostle John said something similar in 1 John 2:9 -- "Anyone who claims to be in the light but hates his brother is still in the darkness."

      -- in other words, how can we say that we are in the light -- how can we say that we have truly received Christ's gift of forgiveness if we refuse to forgive those who have wronged us?

      -- consider the context of this passage and how it would have been received by the people who actually heard Jesus speak these words -- Matthew tells us that Jesus gave the Lord's prayer and this amplification of His thoughts during the sermon on the mount -- He was speaking to first century Jews -- a people chosen by God to be His voice and His light and His deliverance to the world

      -- the Jewish people had been severely wronged and harassed and persecuted over the ages -- in fact, when Jesus spoke these words, their country was in bondage to the Romans -- they may not have been slaves, but their very lives were controlled and restricted by these foreigners who had taken over their land

      -- as a result, the Jews resented and hated the Romans -- according to one scholar that I read, the Jews were a people who sought revenge for trespasses and rarely showed forgiveness to others

      -- but, in this petition, Jesus was calling them to a higher state -- He was calling them to put aside their hatred and their resentment and calling them to forgive those who had wronged them -- He is calling us to the same -- Why?

      -- I think He gives us the answer in the way He links our forgiveness of others to the forgiveness from God

      -- our ability to forgive others is a sign of God's love and forgiveness in our life -- it is a proof of our salvation -- a proof of our sanctification -- a proof that God has worked in our lives and changed us from who we used to be into people who live with the knowledge and power of God's grace and forgiveness in our lives

      -- the Jewish people claimed to be the Chosen of God -- they were proud of the fact that God had established a covenant with Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob -- they knew they were the keepers of His word and that the promise of eternal life rested with them -- but, instead of showing God's love and grace and mercy to the world, they showed resentment and hatred and unforgiveness

      -- in the same way, a lot of us Christians claim to be filled with God Himself -- we claim to possess within us His truth and His light and His love, but then, rather than showing that love and mercy and grace to others, we turn our backs to them and give them our resentment and hatred and unforgiveness

      -- I think that what Christ is trying to get us to see in this prayer is that if we are truly God's people -- if we have truly been touched by God's mercy and grace and forgiveness -- then we will live out the commandment to "love our neighbor as ourselves" by pouring out God's mercy and grace onto others -- by forgiving others for the trespasses that they have committed against us even though they don't deserve it

      -- if we find that we cannot forgive others, then it may be that we have never actually accepted forgiveness ourselves -- we may be like the Jewish people in Jesus' day -- claiming to represent God while not truly loving and serving Him with our whole hearts

      -- as one scholar has said, "no one can reasonably imagine himself to be the object of divine forgiveness if he is deliberately and habitually unforgiving towards his fellow men"

      -- there is no question about it -- if you are a Christian -- if you have been forgiven by Christ for your sins -- for all the debts and trespasses against Him -- you must forgive others when they trespass against you -- you must live a life of gracious forgiveness

      -- but what does this mean? -- what does this look like?

      -- I think one reason why Christians refuse to forgive is because we really don't understand what forgiveness is -- we have a misconception of forgiveness based on how the world defines it

      -- a lot of us think that when we forgive someone, we are just letting them off the hook -- we're just saying, "don't worry about it -- it was nothing," and we pick right up and go back to the way things used to be and just pretend like nothing ever happened

      -- that is not forgiveness  

      -- forgiveness is not about restoring a relationship -- restoration and reunion may eventually come through forgiveness -- but that is not the primary purpose of forgiveness

      -- I want you to listen to this -- I want you to understand this -- the primary purpose of forgiving -- the reason God calls us to forgive others -- is to heal the hurts and the scars in our heart that were caused when someone that we trusted trespassed against us and sinned against us and wronged us

      -- forgiveness is not something that we do for others -- it is something that we do for ourselves -- forgiveness is something that happens within us -- within our hearts -- and it doesn't have to involve anyone else

      -- true forgiveness is one-sided -- it occurs when you make the choice to heal the hurt that is within you -- when you decide to let God heal the hurt that another has placed in your life

      -- you can forgive someone and never, ever restore your relationship with them or even let them know that you have forgiven them

      -- let me show you an example from the Bible

      -- In two of Paul's epistles, Philemon and Colossians, we learn about Demas -- a friend of Paul's -- a fellow-worker for Christ -- someone who Paul had shared the gospel of Christ with and led to faith in Jesus and who was travelling with him and ministering with him throughout Asia

      -- Paul closes his letter to the Colossians in Chapter 4 by mentioning all those working with him and he says in verse 14, "Our dear friend Luke, the doctor, and Demas send greetings" -- Demas was a trusted friend and brother to Paul -- but, Demas trespassed against Paul and wounded him deeply

      -- flip over to 2 Timothy 4:9-18

2 Timothy 4:9-18 (NIV)

9 Do your best to come to me quickly,

10 for Demas, because he loved this world, has deserted me and has gone to Thessalonica. Crescens has gone to Galatia, and Titus to Dalmatia.

11 Only Luke is with me. Get Mark and bring him with you, because he is helpful to me in my ministry.

12 I sent Tychicus to Ephesus.

13 When you come, bring the cloak that I left with Carpus at Troas, and my scrolls, especially the parchments.

14 Alexander the metalworker did me a great deal of harm. The Lord will repay him for what he has done.

15 You too should be on your guard against him, because he strongly opposed our message.

16 At my first defense, no one came to my support, but everyone deserted me. May it not be held against them.

17 But the Lord stood at my side and gave me strength, so that through me the message might be fully proclaimed and all the Gentiles might hear it. And I was delivered from the lion's mouth.

18 The Lord will rescue me from every evil attack and will bring me safely to his heavenly kingdom. To him be glory for ever and ever. Amen.

      -- Demas had abandoned the faith and deserted Paul when Paul was first arrested -- he refused to stand up for Paul and instead left him alone and in prison

      -- but, in this closing to the second letter to Timothy, we can see how forgiveness in the life of a Christian should work -- Paul had evidently forgiven Demas for trespassing against him -- for wounding him and violating his trust

      -- look at the second part of verse 16

"May it not be held against them."

      -- Paul had forgiven Demas -- he was no longer holding a grudge against him -- he was no longer harboring unforgiveness in his heart 

      -- but, note that this forgiveness was one-sided -- Paul forgave Demas in his heart -- but Paul did not attempt to restore their relationship -- he did not attempt to reach out to Demas and bring him back into the fold of Paul's closest confidants -- Paul's trust had been violated and he could no longer trust Demas in the future -- in fact, it seems as if Paul is warning Timothy to watch out for Demas and not to trust him if he comes to Timothy

      -- forgiveness does not mean restoration -- when someone hurts you -- when they wound you severely and violate the trust that you had in them -- then you may never trust them again -- in a lot of cases -- such as in the case of Demas and Paul -- such as in the case when a wife forgives an abusive husband -- you probably should never trust them again -- but, you can forgive them -- not for their sake, but for yours

      -- you see, there is only one real reason for forgiving someone else when they trespass against us -- yes, Jesus does tell us that we should forgive others because it is a commandment of God -- but, it is a commandment of God for the same reason that we should go ahead and forgive on our own

      -- when someone wrongs you -- when they sin against you -- it is like they have wounded your heart -- they have damaged your heart -- and you will never be well -- you will never be whole again -- until you have repaired the damage that they have done to you

      -- hearts damaged by others keep us from loving God as we should -- it keeps us from loving others as we should -- it keeps us from living life as we should

      -- hearts damaged by others gives Satan a stronghold into our lives -- and Satan fills up these damaged places in our hearts with anger and hatred and resentment and bitterness and a desire for vengeance -- things that hamper our Christian life

      -- I've heard it said that unforgiveness is a poison we drink hoping the other person dies -- unforgiveness hurts us more than them

      -- that guy that wounded me so greatly -- that guy who wronged my family and that I felt such bitterness and hatred towards at lunch the other day -- I bet he doesn’t remember -- I bet he’s completely forgotten what he did -- it’s not bothering him a bit -- but, apparently, it has been a bitter seed in my own soul this whole time -- I’m the one who has been hurt because of my unforgiveness, not him

      -- so, when God commands us to forgive others when they trespass against us, it is a commandment for our own good -- it is a call for the healing of our hearts -- not for those who wronged us -- but for us -- to cut out of our lives something that is hindering our walk with Christ and that is keeping us from becoming who God wants us to be

      -- forgiveness is like the surgeon's knife that cuts cancer out of our body -- God uses this process of forgiveness to heal us and to make us whole once again

III.  How do we forgive?

      -- so, how do we forgive? -- what is involved in forgiving someone for trespassing against us?

      -- before we can begin to forgive, we need to recognize that there is a need for forgiveness and we have to have a desire to heal the hurts within us

      -- this takes time -- when we have been hurt -- when we have been violated -- it may take months, or even years, until we reach the point where we are ready to forgive the other person for the hurt that they inflicted in our hearts

      -- it is okay to be angry at what happened to us -- in fact, we should be angry at what happened -- because someone we trusted violated that very trust in our lives -- and it is through that anger that our desire to heal should come

      -- and, we should keep in mind that forgiveness is a process -- it is not something that happens just once and is over -- we may forgive and then find ourselves feeling those same hurts once again -- we may find that we have to continually forgive the wrong that was done to us -- that is okay and it is part of the healing process

      -- in his book, "The Art of Forgiving," Lewis Smedes outlines the three steps to forgiveness that we follow when we truly seek healing in our life:

      -- first, we begin the process of forgiving when we start separating the person who wronged us from the wrong that they did to us -- when someone wrongs us, in our minds, they become the wrong that they did to us -- we say things like, "he is nothing but a cheat -- he is nothing but a liar" -- we look at them and all we see is the sin

      -- but, as Smedes points out, when we begin the miracle of healing, we begin to see our enemy through a cleaner lens, less smudged by hate -- we begin to see them as a person who did something wrong -- not as wrong itself

      -- when God forgave us, the first thing He did was to separate us from our sin -- we were not the problem -- it was the sin that was the problem and that needed to be dealt with -- so God provided a way to cover our sins -- when God sees us, He doesn't see the sin any longer -- He sees the person underneath the sin, cleansed through the blood of Christ

      -- the first step to forgiveness, then, is continuing to hate the sin but not the person who committed the sin against you

      -- the second step to forgiveness is to surrender our right to get even -- when we are first wronged -- when we are first hurt -- we want to get even -- we want the other person to suffer like we have suffered and to know that they are suffering because of what they did to us -- we call this "vengeance"

      -- when you start on the road to forgiveness, you are releasing your right to vengeance -- to hurting the other person unjustly -- keep in mind, though, that there is a difference between vengeance and justice -- vengeance is our pleasure of seeing someone who hurt us get hurt back -- justice is making sure that someone pays a fair penalty for wronging another -- vengeance is personal satisfaction -- justice is moral accountability

      -- forgiveness does not do away with justice -- someone who wronged you may have to pay for the wrong that they have done -- but, forgiveness does mean that you don't desire them to be hurt in an unjust way simply as revenge for what they did to you

      -- the final step to forgiveness is when you revise your feelings towards the person that wronged you -- you no longer hate them for who they are and you even can hope that God's grace might fall into their lives

      -- this does not excuse the wrong that they have done -- it does not mean that we are going to tolerate them trespassing against us again and it does not mean that we are going to restore our relationship with them

      -- but it means that you no longer have a desire for them to suffer because of what they have done to you -- and it means that if God was to reach out and touch them and change their lives for the better, that you would be happy to see that happen

      -- when you have reached this stage of forgiveness, you can know for sure that the hatred and the bitterness are now removed from your life and that your heart has been healed and restored by the miraculous power of forgiveness

      -- you need to know this takes time -- forgiveness is a process -- and you may find yourself having to forgive someone over and over again -- that hurt was real -- it’s not going to magically go away

      -- you may go through these steps and forgive someone for what they have done and then see them or remember them and feel that hurt all over again -- you may feel bitterness or hatred towards them again -- that’s normal -- just recognize it and forgive them again -- go back through the steps of forgiveness so you won’t let a root of bitterness build up in your heart again -- remember, you forgive for your own health and benefit -- not for the other person

IV.  Closing

      -- forgiveness is a gift from God -- through Christ, God forgave us for the sins that we committed -- He refused to pour out His vengeance and wrath on us but offered His very Son as a sacrifice to ensure that justice was done -- and, once justice was served, God poured out His blessings on us -- on the very people that once had trespassed against Him

      -- in the same way, God calls for us to forgive others that have trespassed against us -- He knows that our hearts have been hurt and damaged by others -- and He knows that these wounded hearts can keep us from loving Him and loving others as He wants

      -- so, He encourages us to offer forgiveness to others in our hearts -- so that in the process of forgiveness we might find healing from the hatred and bitterness and resentment that we have built up in our lives

      -- there is power in forgiveness -- and that is why Jesus commands us to pray daily, "Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us" -- we have to continually forgive -- we have to continually show mercy and grace -- we have to continually love in this way -- if we want to be who Jesus is calling us to be

      -- as we close now, I want to encourage you to take a moment in the quiet of this place -- search your hearts and speak to the hurts and the sins and the trespasses that have been done against you -- and offer up forgiveness to those who have wronged you in the past -- not for their sake -- but for your sake -- receive the healing that God offers you as you forgive those who have trespassed against you

      -- let us pray