Preached by Gregory W. Lee
11 September 2005
I. Introduction
-- turn in Bibles to Matthew 6:9-15
9. "This, then, is how you should pray: "`Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name,
10. your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.
11. Give us today our daily bread.
12. Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.
13. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one. '
14. For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.
15. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
-- this morning, we are going to be continuing our thoughts from last week on forgiveness that we started as we looked at the Lord's Prayer -- as you read, Jesus taught us to pray in this prayer, "forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us" -- the only petition in the whole prayer that has a condition built into it -- we are only forgiven by God as we find it within ourselves to forgive others
-- Jesus went on to expand on this teaching in Matthew 6:14-15, when He said, "For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins."
-- obviously, forgiveness is intended to be a part of our lives -- seeking forgiveness from God for our trespasses and wrongs -- for our sins -- that we committed against Him -- and forgiving others in our heart when they wrong us and sin against us
-- as Christians and as a church, we have done a pretty good job with seeking forgiveness from God for our sins -- that is a concept that we understand
-- as Christians, we recognize that, as David wrote in Psalm 51, that all sins are committed against God -- and so we preach and practice repentence and confession of our sins and seek forgiveness through the blood of Christ Jesus -- we hang our faith on the promise of 1 John 1:9, "if you confess your sins, God is faithful and just and will forgive your sins and purify us from all unrighteousness"
-- so, we generally have no problem with going before God and praying, as Jesus taught us to, "Our Father, forgive us our trespasses"
-- however, we have had a bigger problem with the second part of that petition -- "as we forgive those who trespass against us" -- a lot of us -- a lot of Christians -- harbor resentment and hatred towards those who have wronged us and trespassed against us -- despite Christ's clear call to forgive others as God forgave us
II. What is forgiveness and why should we forgive?
-- my purpose in this sermon this morning is to encourage you to examine your relationships with others and to challenge you to forgive those who have wronged you and have trespassed against you in the past
-- before you can do that -- before you can come to the point where you can forgive someone that has trespassed against you -- you are going to need a better understanding of what forgiveness is -- why we should forgive -- and how we begin the process of forgiving others
-- so, what is forgiveness and why should we forgive? -- I think that a lot of us have a misconception about what forgiveness is and this misconception keeps us from forgiving others in our lives
-- typically, when we think of forgiveness, we think of restoration -- we think that forgiveness means telling a person that all is forgotten -- that everything is o.k. -- and then welcoming that person back into our lives -- restoring the relationship that once existed
-- for example, Gary Rosenberg tells the story of a couple that came to him for counseling -- the couple had been happily married for years and had two little children -- one day, the father goes into the baby's room to get diapers from the closet, and discovers a stack of love letters written to his wife -- the only problem was that he did not write these love letters -- he went downstairs and found his wife and said two words to her, "I know." -- immediately, she turned white as a ghost and said how sorry she was -- that it was a mistake and that it wouldn't happen again and begged her husband to forgive her and not to leave her
-- now, in our typical view of what forgiveness is, the husband, being a good Christian man -- turns to her and says, "I forgive you" and forgets it ever happens and they go on with their life just as before -- living happily ever after
-- but in reality, we know that is not what happens -- the husband in this case was deeply wounded by his wife -- she had sinned against him -- she had violated his trust -- there was a deep hurt in his heart that needed to be repaired -- and there was no way that he could simply forget what had happened and go on with life as it was
-- that is not what forgiveness is -- when Christ tells us here to forgive others their trespasses as God forgave us our trespasses, He is not telling us to just say "You're forgiven" and to forget the hurt and to go on with our life as if nothing happened -- He is not telling us to restore our relationship with the person who hurt us
-- forgiveness is not about restoring a relationship -- restoration and reunion may eventually come through forgiveness -- but that is not the primary purpose of forgiveness
-- I want you to listen to this -- I want you to understand this -- the primary purpose of forgiving -- the reason God calls us to forgive others -- is to heal the hurts and the scars in our heart that were caused when someone that we trusted trespassed against us and sinned against us and wronged us
-- forgiveness is not something that we do for others -- it is something that we do for our self -- forgiveness is something that happens within us -- within our hearts -- and it doesn't have to involve anyone else
-- true forgiveness is one-sided -- it occurs when you make the choice to heal the hurt that is within you -- when you decide to let God heal the hurt that another has placed in your life
-- you can forgive someone and never, ever restore your relationship with them or even let them know that you have forgiven them
-- let me show you an example
-- In two of Paul's epistles, Philemon and Colossians, we learn about Demas -- a friend of Paul's -- a fellow-worker for Christ -- someone who Paul had witnessed to and who was travelling with him and ministering with him throughout Asia -- Paul closes his letter to the Colossians in Chapter 4 by mentioning all those working with him and he says in verse 14, "Our dear friend Luke, the doctor, and Demas send greetings" -- Demas was a trusted friend and brother to Paul
-- but, Demas trespassed against Paul and wounded him deeply -- flip over to 2 Timothy 4
9. Do your best to come to me quickly,
10. for Demas, because he loved this world, has deserted me and has gone to Thessalonica. Crescens has gone to Galatia, and Titus to Dalmatia.
11. Only Luke is with me. Get Mark and bring him with you, because he is helpful to me in my ministry.
12. I sent Tychicus to Ephesus.
13. When you come, bring the cloak that I left with Carpus at Troas, and my scrolls, especially the parchments.
14. Alexander the metalworker did me a great deal of harm. The Lord will repay him for what he has done.
15. You too should be on your guard against him, because he strongly opposed our message.
16. At my first defense, no one came to my support, but everyone deserted me. May it not be held against them.
17. But the Lord stood at my side and gave me strength, so that through me the message might be fully proclaimed and all the Gentiles might hear it. And I was delivered from the lion's mouth.
18. The Lord will rescue me from every evil attack and will bring me safely to his heavenly kingdom. To him be glory for ever and ever. Amen.
-- Demas had abandoned the faith and deserted Paul when Paul was first arrested -- Demas refused to stand up for Paul and instead left him alone and in prison
-- but, in this closing to the second letter to Timothy, we can see how forgiveness in the life of a Christian should work -- Paul had evidently forgiven Demas for trespassing against him -- for wounding him and violating his trust -- that is why Paul says here, "may it not be held against them"
-- but, note that this forgiveness was one-sided -- Paul forgave Demas in his heart -- but Paul did not attempt to restore their relationship -- he did not attempt to reach out to Demas and bring him back into the fold of Paul's closest confidants -- Paul's trust had been violated and he could no longer trust Demas in the future -- in fact, it seems as if Paul is warning Timothy to watch out for Demas and not to trust him if he comes to Timothy
-- forgiveness does not mean restoration -- when someone hurts you -- when they wound you severely and violate the trust that you had in them -- then you may never trust them again -- in a lot of cases -- such as in the case of Demas and Paul -- such as in the case when a wife forgives an abusive husband -- you should never trust them again -- but, you can forgive them -- not for their sake, but for yours
-- you see, there is only one real reason for forgiving someone else when they trespass against us -- yes, Jesus does tell us that we should forgive others because it is a commandment of God -- but, it is a commandment of God for the same reason that we should go ahead and forgive on our own
-- when someone wrongs you -- when they sin against you -- it is like they have wounded your heart -- they have damaged your heart -- and you will never be well -- you will never be whole again -- until you have repaired the damage that they have done to you
-- hearts damaged by others keep us from loving God as we should -- it keeps us from loving others as we should -- it keeps us from living life as we should
-- hearts damaged by others gives Satan a stronghold into our lives -- and Satan fills up these damaged places in our hearts with anger and hatred and resentment and bitterness and a desire for vengeance -- things that hamper our Christian life
-- so, when God commands us to forgive others when they trespass against us, it is a commandment for our own good -- it is a call for the healing of our hearts -- not for those who wronged us -- but for us -- to cut out of our lives something that is hindering our walk with Christ and that is keeping us from becoming who God wants us to be
-- forgiveness is like the surgeon's knife that cuts cancer out of our body -- God uses this process of forgiveness to heal us and to make us whole once again
III. How do we forgive?
-- so, how do we forgive? -- what is involved in forgiving someone for trespassing against us? -- basically, it is the same process that God used when He forgave us of our sins
-- first, we need to recognize that there is a need for forgiveness and we have to have a desire to heal the hurts within us -- this takes time -- when we have been hurt -- when we have been violated -- it may take months, or even years, until we reach the point where we are ready to forgive the other person for the hurt that they inflicted in our hearts
-- it is okay to be angry at what happened to us -- in fact, we should be angry at what happened -- because someone we trusted violated that very trust in our lives -- and it is through that anger that our desire to heal should come
-- secondly, we should keep in mind that forgiveness is a process -- it is not something that happens just once and is over -- we may forgive and then find ourselves feeling those same hurts once again -- we may find that we have to continually forgive the wrong that was done to us -- that is okay and it is part of the healing process
-- in his book, "The Art of Forgiving," Lewis Smedes outlines the final three steps to forgiveness that we follow when we truly seek healing in our life
-- first, we begin the process of forgiving when we start separating the person who wronged us from the wrong that they did to us -- when someone wrongs us, in our minds, they become the wrong that they did to us -- we say things like, "he is nothing but a cheat -- he is nothing but a liar" -- we look at them and all we see is the sin
-- but, as Smedes points out, when we begin the miracle of healing, we begin to see our enemy through a cleaner lens, less smudged by hate -- we begin to see them as a person who did something wrong -- not as wrong itself
-- when God forgave us, the first thing He did was to separate us from our sin -- we were not the problem -- it was the sin that was the problem and that needed to be dealt with -- so God provided a way to cover our sins -- so, when God sees us, He doesn't see the sin any longer -- He sees the person underneath the sin, cleansed through the blood of Christ
-- the first step to forgiveness, then, is continuing to hate the sin but not the person who committed the sin against you
-- the second step to forgiveness is to surrender our right to get even -- when we are first wronged -- when we are first hurt -- we want to get even -- we want the other person to suffer like we have suffered and to know that they are suffering because of what they did to us -- we call this "vengeance"
-- when you start on the road to forgiveness, you are releasing your right to vengeance -- to hurting the other person unjustly -- keep in mind, though, that there is a difference between vengeance and justice -- vengeance is our pleasure of seeing someone who hurt us get hurt back -- justice is making sure that someone pays a fair penalty for wronging another -- vengeance is personal satisfaction -- justice is moral accountability
-- forgiveness does not do away with justice -- someone who wronged you may have to pay for the wrong that they have done -- but, forgiveness does mean that you don't desire them to be hurt in an unjust way simply as revenge for what they did to you
-- the final step to forgiveness is when you revise your feelings towards the person that wronged you -- you no longer hate them for who they are and you even can hope that God's grace might fall into their lives -- this does not excuse the wrong that they have done -- it does not mean that we are going to tolerate them trespassing against us again and it does not mean that we are going to restore our relationship with them
-- but it means that you no longer have a desire for them to suffer because of what they have done to you -- and it means that if God was to reach out and touch them and change their lives for the better, that you would be happy to see that happen
-- when you have reached this stage of forgiveness, you can know for sure that the hatred and the bitterness are now removed from your life and that your heart has been healed and restored by the miraculous power of forgiveness
IV. Closing
-- forgiveness is a gift from God -- through Christ, God forgave us for the sins that we committed -- He refused to pour out His vengeance and wrath on us but offered His very Son as a sacrifice to ensure that justice was done -- and, once justice was served, God poured out His blessings on us -- on the very people that once had trespassed against Him
-- in the same way, God calls for us to forgive others that have trespassed against us -- He knows that our hearts have been hurt and damaged by others -- and He knows that these wounded hearts can keep us from loving Him and loving others as He wants
-- so, He encourages us to offer forgiveness to others in our hearts -- so that in the process of forgiveness we might find healing from the hatred and bitterness and resentment that we have built up in our lives
-- when I went to my first Kairos -- the prison ministry similar to the Walk to Emmaus -- I saw the power of forgiveness in the life of another person -- those men in that place had deeply wounded hearts -- they were not only held in physical bars in that place, but they were bound up with spiritual bars of hatred and resentment and unforgiveness to others in their lives
-- a lot of them were in prison because of the hurts that others had inflicted upon them -- their wives -- their fathers -- their mothers -- friends -- others they knew
-- as part of the weekend, we led them through the process of forgiveness and helped them to release the hurts in their hearts through the power of Christ
-- and I watched as those men wept with joy for the first time in their lives -- as they forgave those who hurt them and as they were freed to allow the blessing and salvation of God into their hearts -- relationships may not have been restored that weekend, but lives were changed through the healing power of forgiveness
-- there is power in forgiveness -- and that is why Jesus commands us to pray daily, "Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us"
-- will you search your hearts now and offer up forgiveness to those who have wronged you in the past -- not for their sake -- but for the healing that God offers you in the process
-- let us pray
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