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No Excuse Sunday

To make it possible for everyone to attend church next Sunday, we are going to have a special "No Excuse Sunday." Cots will be placed in the foyer for those who say, "Sunday is my only day to sleep in." There will be a special section with lounge chairs for those who feel that our pews are too hard. Eyedrops will be available for those with tired eyes from watching TV late Saturday night. We will have steel helmets for those who say, "The roof would cave in if I ever came to church." Blankets will be furnished for those who think the church is too cold and fans for those who say it is too hot. Scorecards will be available for those who wish to list the hypocrites present. Relatives and friends will be in attendance for those who can't go to church and cook dinner, too. We will distribute "Stamp Out Stewardship" buttons for those who feel that the church is always asking for money.

One section will be devoted to trees and grass for those who like to seek God in nature. Doctors and nurses will be in attendance for those who plan to be sick this Sunday. A big-screen TV will be set up in the fellowship hall for race fans who can't miss the opening flag of the Nascar Race. The Sanctuary will be decorated with Christmas poinsettas and Easter lilies for those who have never seen the church without them. We will provide hearing aids to those who can't hear the preacher and cotton for those who can.

Author Unknown (Printed in Chicken Soup for the Christian Soul)