29 November 2015
I. Introduction
-- turn in
Bibles to 1 Peter 3:8-9
1 Peter 3:8-9 (NIV)
8 Finally, all of
you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be
compassionate and humble.
9 Do not repay evil
with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were
called so that you may inherit a blessing.
-- this
picture is an example of a Krummholz -- Krummholz is a German word used to
describe the stunted, deformed growth that occurs in areas where trees and
other vegetation are constantly buffeted by strong winds
-- you see it in
the high arctic and subalpine regions of the world and you see it somewhat
along the coasts where you have steady winds that blow
-- the constant
wind shapes the trees -- they don’t grow like normal -- instead, their growth
is corrupted -- they grow away from the wind -- and what you see is a tree that
is deformed and stunted and less than it could be
-- this is
a perfect example of what happens when disagreement in the church
is handled in unbiblical and ungodly
ways -- it leads to
stunted, deformed Christians and a stunted, deformed church
-- last
week we talked about the problem that we have in this country with
dissatisfaction, negativity, whining, and complaining -- I pointed out that
this was a symptom of selfishness expressed in a lack of gratitude for what we
have -- and I encouraged you to practice mindful moments of praise and
thanksgiving to God as a remedy for this dysfunction
-- but
ungratefulness is only one of the symptoms of selfishness we see in our world
today -- this morning, I wanted to discuss another of the symptoms of
selfishness -- dysfunctional disagreement
-- without
a doubt, our country is as divided and as polarized as I have ever seen it --
Republicans against Democrats -- liberals against conservatives -- issues
concerning race relation -- gay rights -- same-sex marriage -- everyone is
arguing and disagreeing with everyone else -- and this division and
polarization has crept into the church
-- I saw it
on my Facebook feed a couple of weeks ago as the topic of what to do with the
Syrian refugees came up -- and I was dismayed as I watched the vitriol and the
attacks by Christians on each other because of differences of opinion regarding
what to do about the refugees
-- it even
reached the point where an older, mature Christian friend of mine -- a guy I
have worked with on Chrysalis and Kairos and the Walk to Emmaus -- a leader in
his church -- verbally attacked a younger Christian to the point of saying he
could not really be a Christian and wasn’t saved simply because he did not agree
with my friend’s stance on the issue of the refugees
-- now the
topic at hand is not what to do about the refugees -- I just bring this up
because it was the latest example of selfishness in the church expressed as
dysfunctional disagreement -- the question I wanted us to consider this morning
is how to deal with disagreements in a Godly manner
-- what I
saw on Facebook was not Godly -- it was not the way Christians should respond
to each other, even if we have disagreements -- and I’m not the only one who is
seeing this
-- a pastor
I follow on Twitter pointed out this week that he just realized that he stops
following just as many people on Twitter that he agrees with on topics as he
does those he disagrees with -- he wrote, “I can tolerate disagreement -- [but]
Ugliness looks bad from both sides.”
-- as
someone once quipped, “Sheep bite,” meaning that people in the church wound
other Christians -- and that’s certainly true -- I’ve had my share of sheep
bites, especially on some of the sermons and blog posts that I’ve put on the
internet -- I’ve had some people who disagree with me respond in truly hateful
and ungodly ways -- this is not the way it should be
-- so how
should we, as Christians, respond when others disagree with us? -- how can we
handle criticism from others in the church?
II. Scripture Lesson (1 Peter 3:8-9)
-- in my
devotionals this week, I ran across this passage from 1 Peter where the apostle
seemed to address this very issue
-- just to
give you the context and setting of this passage, the Apostle Peter has been
giving his readers instructions on how to live with each other in relationship
-- he has discussed how we are to relate to our rulers and masters -- you can
think bosses here -- he has talked about the marriage relationship -- about how
men and women should respond to their mates and respect them, even when they
disagree -- and now, in these verses, Peter sums up his thoughts with these
general statements that apply to all relationships
-- let’s
look at this in the context of disagreements and see what application we might
make from the Apostle’s instructions
-- verse 8 --
“finally, all of you” -- now me let pause right there -- in the original Greek,
what Peter means by “all of you” is “all of you” -- this applies to you and to
me and to all of us -- I just want you to get that -- this isn’t just rules for
super-Christians -- this isn’t just a passage that was applicable only to the
first century church -- it is for you to heed and follow in your life
-- 1 Peter 3:8a “Finally, all of you, live in
harmony with one another”
-- when
Jews greet each other, they use the Hebrew term Shalom -- that word in the original Hebrew is interesting --
typically, we define and translate Shalom as peace -- but it means much more than
that -- Shalom implies completeness, connectedness, wholeness, unity -- it
means to be perfectly in relationship, one with the other -- to be at peace
with them -- body, mind, and spirit -- it means you are in complete harmony and
accord with the other person
-- this is
what Jesus prayed for us on the night He was betrayed -- He asked God that we
might be made one as He and the Father were one -- that we might be in complete
unity -- one in heart, mind, soul, and spirit -- in complete harmony in our relationships
-- that’s
what Peter is saying here -- our goal is Shalom -- our goal is to live in
harmony with one another
-- let’s go
on -- look at the second part of verse 8
1 Peter 3:8b (NIV)
“be sympathetic, love
as brothers, be compassionate and humble.”
-- love as
brothers -- be compassionate -- tenderhearted -- be courteous -- be humble --
Shalom
-- now does
that mean that we will all be in lock-step like the Stepford Wives? -- in other
words, for the youngsters out there, does that mean we will all look alike and
think alike and have the same ideas and thoughts on everything? -- no, of
course not -- which brings me to my first point
1. Christians may disagree on various matters,
even on matters of faith1
-- God made
us different -- we have different beliefs -- different customs -- different
traditions -- different ways of looking at this world -- I have a friend who is
a strong supporter of Obama -- I am not -- we disagree, but we are still
friends -- we are still Christians
-- to be a
Christian doesn’t mean you have to agree with everything another Christian says
or does -- just read your Bible -- it is full of cases where Christian leaders
disagreed with each other on various issues -- we can disagree on matters that
are not considered orthodoxy -- and I want to make sure you understand what I
mean by that
--
“orthodoxy literally means “correct opinion” -- as Chuck Swindoll said, when we
use the term orthodoxy, we are talking about those tenets of our faith that are
foundational -- the central, essential doctrines of the Christian faith that
distinguish it from all other religions and from cults. -- these are things
that are not up for debate, but that you have to agree with to be a Christian
-- Jesus’ death and resurrection -- the atonement of our sin through Jesus’
sacrifice on the cross -- the Trinity: one God existing as three persons --
Father, Son, and Holy Ghost -- the Holy Spirit indwelling Christians to empower
us and guide us into maturity in Christ -- these are all essential tenets of
our faith that all other Christian churches agree on -- these are foundational
-- we can’t argue them2
-- but not
all issues debated by Christians are matters of orthodoxy [Charles R. Swindoll,
“Great Lives: Job Workbook”]
-- what president
you support is not a matter of orthodoxy -- what color the carpet is in the
sanctuary -- what America should do with the Syrian refugees -- was Jesus
really born on December 25th? -- these are not matters of orthodoxy, and we can
disagree on them, but how we disagree is important
-- second
point -- Disagreements must be acknowledged and respected within the contexts
of unity and grace -- to put it another way -- strive for Shalom -- don’t let
disagreements derail your relationship with one another or with God’s church
-- even if
we disagree, we can still remain brothers and be supportive of one another’s
labors for the kingdom1
-- as Jeff
Schreve says, “Godly people can disagree without getting bitter and
disagreeable.” -- think about Paul and Barnabas -- over in the Book of Acts, we
read that Paul and Barnabas had a sharp disagreement about John Mark as they
were getting ready for their second missionary journey -- Barnabas wanted to
bring John Mark with them, but Paul said no -- John Mark had abandoned them
before, and he didn’t trust him on this trip -- so Paul and Barnabas argued and
eventually they split up -- Paul and Silas went one direction and Barnabas and
John Mark went the other
-- but the
thing to see here is that even though “Paul and Barnabas couldn’t work together
anymore, they could still love and support one another -- They were not bitter
enemies” -- they still had the same goal -- to bring people to Christ -- they
were still in relationship with each other -- they still loved each other --
they just disagreed on this one issue3
-- remember Shalom -- remember the
relationship -- we can disagree without being disagreeable -- which brings me
to my third point
3. When you disagree with someone else, you
don’t have to win the argument
-- look at
verse 9
1 Peter 3:9 (NIV)
9 Do not repay evil
with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were
called so that you may inherit a blessing.
-- first,
you might not even want to get involved in the issue to start with -- we don’t
have to take sides on every issue or be in every argument -- I didn’t get
involved in the back and forth on the refugee issue -- I have my own thoughts
-- but I saw the argument developing and I saw how it was becoming more and
more emotional and I decided to stay out of it -- I didn’t take sides, but I
did speak privately with one of the dissenters about his ungodly attack on the
other Christian
-- there
are many issues I just don’t care a lot about, and I don’t allow myself to be
dragged into an argument about it -- just remember this, you don’t have to be
in every argument -- and sometimes, the best you thing you can do is just stay
out of the fight
-- second,
even if you are in the midst of the disagreement, you don’t have to win -- one
central concept of Christianity is submission -- humility -- surrender -- that
doesn’t mean that you just give up and admit the other person is right -- but
it means you choose to step back and not force your way just to win an argument
-- you remain more concerned about the relationship and the damage an argument
might cause than winning a fight over an inconsequential matter
-- in his
new book, Unoffendable, Brant Hansen makes this point -- he wrote, “Forfeiting
our right to anger makes us deny ourselves, and makes us others-centered. When we start living this way, it changes
everything.”4
-- along those lines, Katherine
Miracle recommended, “When you have a disagreement with a loved one, I
challenge you to say, ‘I love you more than this argument’” -- you don’t have
to win every fight
-- as Peter
says here in verse 9, don’t repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but
respond in love -- when things get heated, don’t react in ungodly ways -- sometimes
the best thing you can do is surrender your self, step back, and let the Holy
Spirit come into the conversation rather than demand your own way
-- so what
can we do if we find ourselves in a disagreement? -- let me close by leaving
you with these suggestions:
-- remember
the end game -- the goal is Shalom -- the goal is unity and harmony -- the goal
is to grow in Christ as He intended -- to not let yourself be molded by the
winds of hatred and disunity and to not negatively affect others through your
responses in the argument
-- listen to others -- really listen to their
arguments -- listen to their heart -- in Kairos we have a saying that applies
here -- listen-listen-love-love
-- enter
into honest discussion about the ways of Christ and how to live out His Kingdom
here on earth -- once again, you don’t have to win -- the other guy doesn’t
have to win -- the goal is to maintain the relationship and imitate Christ and
be His hands and feet in this world
-- consider
the other person’s point of view -- really consider it -- Rose Sims recommended
that you write down three reasons why the other person might be right -- this
might be an area where you need to grow as a Christian, and God might be using
this disagreement to make you aware of a weakness or failing on your part
-- consider
whether compromise is possible -- Can you come up with a win-win rather than a
winner-take-all position? -- Paul and Barnabas split up, and the kingdom grew
exponentially -- if one had taken their ball and gone home, the kingdom would
have been harmed
-- and,
finally, pray for the other person -- empathize with them -- put yourself in
their shoes -- consider why they think the way they do -- and walk with them
for a while to see if there is validity in their argument
III. Closing
-- In his book,
“The Grace Awakening,” Chuck Swindoll tells about a missionary family who left
their work because of a disagreement with other missionaries in the area --
what great matter could cause these missionaries to leave their post? -- what
matter of faith would lead someone to condemn others for their actions to the
point of hostility? -- let me tell you -- it was about peanut butter -- yep,
peanut butter
-- you see,
the mission field where these missionaries were stationed did not have access
to peanut butter - but this family arranged for a friend to send them a care
package from time to time with peanut butter in it
-- but the
problem was that the other missionaries in the area didn’t have peanut butter
-- and even when it was offered, they refused to take it -- they considered it
a mark of true spirituality and sacrifice to be in the mission field in an area
that did not have peanut butter -- and so they condemned the other family
because they were giving in to their wanton desires
--
eventually, the disagreement became so heated and so hostile that the family
left the mission field and never returned
-- what’s
more important: peanut butter or saving souls for the Kingdom? -- what’s more
important: being right or choosing to disagree so Shalom and harmony reign?
-- we need
to consider how we often we disagree with other Christians and, more
importantly, how we respond when we do disagree -- “There can be disagreement
without disrespect” -- Dean Jackson -- and “Even if we disagree about
everything, we can still be kind to each other” -- Matthew L. Jacobson
-- I’m
going to leave you with this last image that I think sums up the whole point
Peter is making in this passage as we close in prayer
-- let us
pray
-------------------------------
1Bob Gonzales, “When Godly Brothers Disagree: the
Division of Paul and Barnabas” http://drbobgonzales.com/2011/11/14/when-godly-brothers-disagree-the-division-of-paul-and-barnabas/
2 Charles R. Swindoll, “Great Lives: Job Workbook”
3 Pastor Jeff Schreve, From His Heart Ministries, http://www.christianity.com/devotionals/from-his-heart-jeff-schreve/when-good-and-godly-people-disagree-from-his-heart-week-of-february-27.html
4 Brant Hansen, Unoffendable: How Just One Change Can Make
All of Life Better
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