SERMON: 40 Days of Love: The Real “F” Word -- Forgiveness

40 DAYS OF LOVE SERMON SERIES:

THE REAL "F" WORD -- "FORGIVENESS"

8 March 2009

 

 

I. Introduction

    -- turn in Bibles to 1 Corinthians 13

 

4. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

5. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

6. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

7. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8. Love never fails.

 

    -- this morning, we are continuing in our series on the 40 Days of Love based on this passage from 1 Corinthians 13 -- so far, we have talked about love being what matters most in life -- about love being demonstrated through patience and kindness -- and about speaking the truth in love to speak life into someone's walk with Jesus

    -- this morning, we are going to focus on verse 5 in this passage -- "Love is not rude -- it is not self-seeking -- it is not easily angered -- it keeps no record of wrongs"

    -- I've borrowed the title of my message -- The Real "F" Word -- from a similar sermon by Rev. Ed Young from Dallas, TX -- although it's not a dirty word -- it's not a cuss word -- sometimes in the church and in our lives, we treat the word "forgiveness" as something that should not be said -- as something that should not be spoken or talked about

    -- but as we move deeper and deeper into the love relationship that Jesus calls us to, we run face to face with this word and we are forced to deal with others in our lives who have wronged us in some way or the other -- the ultimate test of love is how we respond in these situations -- the ultimate test of love is how we respond when somebody hurts us

    -- the Bible tells us that the only way we should respond -- the only way we can respond -- the only way we can grow in grace and continue down the path to spiritual maturity and deeper love with Christ -- is through forgiving others in our hearts for what they have done to us

 

II. What is forgiveness and why should we forgive?

    -- so, this morning, as we continue in our series on the 40 Days of Love, my goal is to encourage you to examine your relationships with others and to challenge you to forgive those who have wronged you and have hurt you in the past

    -- before we can do that -- before we can come to the point where we can forgive someone who has hurt us and wronged us -- we are going to need a better understanding of what forgiveness is -- why we should forgive -- and how we can begin the process of forgiving them

 

    -- so, what is forgiveness and why should we forgive? -- I think that a lot of us have a misconception about what forgiveness is and this misconception keeps us from forgiving others in our lives

    -- typically, when we think of forgiveness, we think of restoration -- we think that forgiveness means telling a person that all is forgotten -- that everything is o.k. -- and then welcoming that person back into our lives -- restoring the relationship that once existed

    -- several years ago at a Promise Keeper's Event, Gary Rosenberg told the story of a couple that came to him for counseling -- the couple had been happily married for years and had two little children -- one day, the father went into the baby's room to get diapers from the closet, and discovered a stack of love letters written to his wife -- the only problem was that he did not write these love letters -- he went downstairs and found his wife and said two words to her, "I know." -- immediately, she turned white as a ghost and said how sorry she was -- that it was a mistake and that it wouldn't happen again and begged her husband to forgive her and not to leave her

    -- now, in our typical view of what forgiveness is, the husband, being a good Christian man -- would turn to her and say, "I forgive you" and would just forget about her adultery and they would act like nothing ever happened -- they'd just go about their days living happily ever after

 

    -- but in reality, we know that this is not what happens -- the husband in this case was deeply wounded by his wife -- she had sinned against him -- she had violated his trust -- there was a deep hurt in his heart that needed to be repaired -- and there was no way that he could simply forget what had happened and go on with life as it was

    -- that is not what forgiveness is -- this morning, when we prayed the Lord's Prayer, we prayed for God to forgive us for our trespasses as we forgave others -- that doesn't mean that when we are wronged, we just call up the other person and say "You're forgiven" and forget about the hurt and go on with our life as if nothing happened

    -- forgiveness, first and foremost, is not about restoring a relationship -- restoration and reunion may eventually come through forgiveness -- but that is not the primary purpose of forgiveness

 

    -- I want you to listen to this -- I want you to understand this -- the primary purpose of forgiving -- the reason God calls us to forgive others -- is for us -- the primary purpose of forgiveness is to heal the hurts and the scars in our heart that were caused when someone that we trusted trespassed against us and sinned against us and wronged us

    -- forgiveness is about healing the hurts within us -- forgiveness always begins on the inside

    -- true forgiveness is one-sided -- it doesn't even involve the other person -- true forgiveness occurs when you make the choice to heal the hurt that is within you -- when you decide to let go of the hurt and the anger and the bitterness inside and let God heal you from the inside out

    -- you can forgive someone and never, ever restore your relationship with them or even let them know that you have forgiven them -- forgiveness is simply a matter of the heart

 

    -- along those same lines, forgiveness is not minimizing the seriousness of the offense     -- it's not sweeping wrongs under the rug -- it's not just forgetting what has happened -- when there's a need for forgiveness, it's because we have been wronged -- we have been hurt -- our trust has been broken -- forgiveness is God's way of healing that hurt within us

    -- it is not something that we do for others -- it is something that we do for ourselves -- forgiveness is something that happens within us -- within our hearts -- and it doesn't have to involve anyone else

    -- forgiveness is about getting rid of the bitterness and hatred and anger that is eating away at our souls -- it is about healing our own hearts and letting go of the hurts within us so that we might grow in Christ's love -- forgiveness, at its core, is about us and our relationship with God and doesn't depend on what the other person does or doesn't do

 

    -- let me show you an example -- if you would, turn with me over to Genesis 37 and let's look real quick at the story of Joseph

 

1. Jacob lived in the land where his father had stayed, the land of Canaan.

2. This is the account of Jacob. Joseph, a young man of seventeen, was tending the flocks with his brothers, the sons of Bilhah and the sons of Zilpah, his father's wives, and he brought their father a bad report about them.

3. Now Israel loved Joseph more than any of his other sons, because he had been born to him in his old age; and he made a richly ornamented robe for him.

4. When his brothers saw that their father loved him more than any of them, they hated him and could not speak a kind word to him.

5. Joseph had a dream, and when he told it to his brothers, they hated him all the more.

 

    -- Joseph's brothers hated him -- they hated him with a passion -- they didn't like the fact that their father loved him more than them -- and they certainly didn't like the fact that he had apparently been blessed by God and had been placed over them -- and, to top it all off, they certainly didn't like the fact that Joseph was a tattle-tale and had told his father that they weren't doing their job when they were supposed to be tending the flocks

    -- Joseph's brothers hated him and didn't want anything to do with him -- and things only got worse from that point -- we read here that one day after Joseph had tattled on his brothers, Jacob sent him to check up on them while they were with the family's flocks near Dothan

    -- look down at verse 18

 

18. But they saw him in the distance, and before he reached them, they plotted to kill him.

19. "Here comes that dreamer!" they said to each other.

20. "Come now, let's kill him and throw him into one of these cisterns and say that a ferocious animal devoured him. Then we'll see what comes of his dreams."

    -- sibling rivalry is one thing -- but Joseph's brother hated him so much that they wanted to kill him -- when they saw him come walking up wearing his coat of many colors, they just got all angry again and decided to kill him and throw him in a cistern and to claim that wild animals had eaten him -- luckily for Joseph, Reuben managed to keep the others from killing him and they just threw him into a cistern alive, but that was just the beginning of the problems for Joseph

    -- verse 26

 

26. Judah said to his brothers, "What will we gain if we kill our brother and cover up his blood?

27. Come, let's sell him to the Ishmaelites and not lay our hands on him; after all, he is our brother, our own flesh and blood." His brothers agreed.

28. So when the Midianite merchants came by, his brothers pulled Joseph up out of the cistern and sold him for twenty shekels of silver to the Ishmaelites, who took him to Egypt.

 

-- after Reuben left, the brothers talked about what to do with Joseph -- rather than killing him, they decided to sell him as a slave to the Ishmaelites, who eventually carried him into Egypt

    -- so here's Joseph, the favorite son of his father -- blessed by God -- called to be the leader of his family -- and now he's sold into slavery and carried into Egypt, where the Ishmaelites sell him to Potiphar, one of Pharoah's captains

    -- real quick, I'm going to sum up Joseph's life from this point -- I'm going to cover about 7 chapters in the Bible, so hang on

    -- things were going as good as they could for Joseph at Potiphar's house, until he had a run in with Potiphar's wife, who tried to seduce him -- he ended up being falsely accused of sexual assault and thrown into prison

    -- in prison, Joseph did the best he could -- with God's help, he interpreted the dreams of a couple of his fellow prisoners, Pharoah's baker and the cupbearer -- when he discovered that the cupbearer would be restored to his former position, Joseph asked the cupbearer to remember him and plead his case before Pharoah, but the cupbearer forget for two whole years

    -- so, there's Joseph, sold as a slave in Egypt -- falsely accused and thrown into prison -- all because of his brothers and their hatred of him -- Joseph really hadn't done anything to them, but they had intentionally caused him nothing but hurt in his life -- they had wronged him -- they had broken trust with him -- and while they were still living in the land of Canaan, Joseph was living in prison

    -- if there's anyone you would expect to be bitter, it would be Joseph -- if there's anyone you would expect to see have difficulty forgiving, it would be Joseph -- he could have laid there in that prison and let the wrongs that had been done against him eat at his heart -- he could have let the anger and the bitterness and the wrongness of it all continue to grow, until it turned his heart into something that was as dark and twisted as his brother's hearts

    -- but Joseph didn't do that -- he refused to stoop to their level -- even though his brothers didn't come to him and beg forgiveness for what they had done, at some point, he still forgave them -- even though his brothers weren't there with him, he forgave them from his heart -- and God rewarded his demonstration of love and forgiveness

    -- flip over to Genesis 45

 

1. Then Joseph could no longer control himself before all his attendants, and he cried out, "Have everyone leave my presence!" So there was no one with Joseph when he made himself known to his brothers.

2. And he wept so loudly that the Egyptians heard him, and Pharaoh's household heard about it.

3. Joseph said to his brothers, "I am Joseph! Is my father still living?" But his brothers were not able to answer him, because they were terrified at his presence.

4. Then Joseph said to his brothers, "Come close to me." When they had done so, he said, "I am your brother Joseph, the one you sold into Egypt!

5. And now, do not be distressed and do not be angry with yourselves for selling me here, because it was to save lives that God sent me ahead of you.

 

    -- eventually, Joseph was taken out of prison and given a position at the right hand of Pharoah -- eventually, he reconciled with his brothers -- but he was only able to do so because he had already forgiven them in his heart -- Joseph had no way of knowing his brothers would come from Canaan to Egypt seeking food -- but because Joseph walked with God, he knew that unforgiveness would have been like a cancer -- eating away at his soul, damaging his relationship with God, and placing him in bondage to his brothers forever -- for those reasons, Joseph had sought healing years before by forgiving his brothers for what they had done to him

 

III. How do we forgive?

    -- so, how do we forgive? -- how do we follow Joseph's footsteps and forgive those who have wronged us

 

    -- in his book, "The Art of Forgiving," Lewis Smedes outlines three steps to forgiveness that we follow when we truly seek healing in our life

    -- first, we begin the process of forgiving when we start separating the person who wronged us from the wrong that they did to us -- when someone wrongs us, in our minds, they become the wrong that they did to us -- we say things like, "he is nothing but a cheat -- he is nothing but a liar" -- we look at them and all we see is the sin

    -- but, as Smedes points out, when we begin the miracle of healing, we begin to see our enemy through a cleaner lens, less smudged by hate -- we begin to see them as a person who did something wrong -- not as wrong itself

    -- when God forgave us, the first thing He did was to separate us from our sin -- we were not the problem -- it was the sin that was the problem and that needed to be dealt with -- so God provided a way to cover our sins -- so, when God sees us, He doesn't see the sin any longer -- He sees the person underneath the sin, cleansed through the blood of Christ

    -- the first step to forgiveness, then, is continuing to hate the sin but not the person who committed the sin against you

 

    -- the second step to forgiveness is to surrender our right to get even -- when we are first wronged -- when we are first hurt -- we want to get even -- we want the other person to suffer like we have suffered and to know that they are suffering because of what they did to us -- we call this "vengeance"

    -- when you start on the road to forgiveness, you are releasing your right to vengeance -- to hurting the other person unjustly -- keep in mind, though, that there is a difference between vengeance and justice -- vengeance is our pleasure of seeing someone who hurt us get hurt back -- justice is making sure that someone pays a fair penalty for wronging another -- vengeance is personal satisfaction -- justice is moral accountability

    -- forgiveness does not do away with justice -- someone who wronged you may have to pay for the wrong that they have done -- but, forgiveness does mean that you don't desire them to be hurt in an unjust way simply as revenge for what they did to you

 

    -- the final step to forgiveness is when you revise your feelings towards the person that wronged you -- you no longer hate them for who they are and you even can hope that God's grace might fall into their lives -- this does not excuse the wrong that they have done -- it does not mean that we are going to tolerate them trespassing against us again and it does not mean that we are going to restore our relationship with them

    -- but it means that you no longer have a desire for them to suffer because of what they have done to you -- and it means that if God was to reach out and touch them and change their lives for the better, that you would be happy to see that happen

    -- when you have reached this stage of forgiveness, you can know for sure that the hatred and the bitterness are now removed from your life and that your heart has been healed and restored by the miraculous power of forgiveness

 

IV. Closing

    -- forgiveness is a gift from God -- through Christ, God forgave us for the sins that we committed -- He refused to pour out His vengeance and wrath on us but offered His very Son as a sacrifice to ensure that justice was done -- and, once justice was served, God poured out His blessings on us -- on the very people that once had trespassed against Him

    -- in the same way, God calls for us to forgive others that have trespassed against us -- He knows that our hearts have been hurt and damaged by others -- and He knows that these wounded hearts can keep us from loving Him and loving others as He wants

    -- so, He encourages us to offer forgiveness to others in our hearts -- so that in the process of forgiveness we might find healing from the hatred and bitterness and resentment that we have built up in our lives

 

    -- when I went to my first Kairos -- the prison ministry similar to the Walk to Emmaus -- I saw the power of forgiveness in the life of another person -- those men in that place had deeply wounded hearts -- they were not only held in physical bars in that place, but they were bound up with spiritual bars of hatred and resentment and unforgiveness to others in their lives

    -- a lot of them were in prison because of the hurts that others had inflicted upon them -- their wives -- their fathers -- their mothers -- friends -- others they knew

    -- as part of the weekend, we led them through the process of forgiveness and helped them to release the hurts in their hearts through the power of Christ

    -- and I watched as those men wept with joy for the first time in their lives -- as they forgave those who hurt them and as they were freed to allow the blessing and salvation of God into their hearts -- relationships may not have been restored that weekend, but lives were changed through the healing power of forgiveness

    -- there is power in forgiveness -- and that is why Jesus commands us to pray daily, "Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us"

 

    -- so how do we put this into practice -- this week, I want you to spend some time in prayer asking the question, "Who do I need to forgive?" -- and when you've been given an answer by God, then I want you to pray for that person and I want you to consider offering them forgiveness from your heart

    -- this doesn't mean you'll call them up or even reach out to them -- you may never talk to that person again -- beginning the process of forgiveness means that there, in the quiet of your heart and in the presence of God, you'll choose to let go of the hurt so that your heart might be healed -- so that your love for God and for others might grow

    -- in your handout, I've given you a prayer that you can use as you begin this process

 

    -- so, as I close, I want to invite you to search your hearts and begin the process of forgiving those who have wronged you in the past -- not for their sake -- but for the healing that God offers you and so that you can continue to walk the path of love with Christ

    -- let us pray

 

SERMON: Fireproof Sermon 3: Love for a Lifetime

FIREPROOF SERMON SERIES:

SERMON 3 -- LOVE FOR A LIFETIME

22 February 2009

 

I. Introduction

    -- turn in Bibles to Matthew 19

 

1. When Jesus had finished saying these things, he left Galilee and went into the region of Judea to the other side of the Jordan.

2. Large crowds followed him, and he healed them there.

3. Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?"

4. "Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator `made them male and female,'

5. and said, `For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh' ?

6. So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."

 

 

    -- I heard a story about these two little boys who were sitting in a wedding, watching what was going on, when one asked the other, "So, how many times can you get married? -- His friend whispered, "I'm not sure, but I think it's 16 times" -- "16? How do you know?"

    -- the second little boy said, "Well, I added it up -- when the preacher was going over their wedding vows, he said, "four better, four worse, four richer, four poorer -- that makes 16"

    -- the first little boy thought for a moment and said, "Oh. I wonder which type this marriage is going to be?"

 

    -- you know, for all of us who are married or who have been to weddings before and heard these words pronounced by the couple, we're always hoping for the better and richer ones -- very few people go into a wedding thinking it's going to be worse or poorer -- everyone who gets married walks out of the service to the cheers and claps of their friends and loved ones looking for the perfect life

    -- but, as we're all too aware, life is just not perfect -- no sooner is the honeymoon ended than real life begins -- and we find out that our lives aren't always lived better and richer -- we realize that there are times of worse and poorer, too -- and it's in those times that marriages are made or broken

 

    -- every time I do a wedding, I take the ring and hold it up and point out three things the rings should always represent to a married couple -- first, the ring is a perfect circle, representing the eternal quality of their love and their union together -- secondly, because the ring has been constructed in this way, it is equally strong at all points just as their marriage should be strong at all times -- lastly, I point out that their rings are made of gold or silver -- precious metals that speak to the purity and cost of their love -- all marriages begin with the purchase and exchange of a ring -- a sacrifice on the part of the buyers -- to remind the couple that their marriage will require more and greater sacrifices on their part along the way

    -- and then I hand the rings to them and ask them to put them on their spouse while they say their vows to each other, which always end, "as long as we both shall live"

 

    -- this morning, we're continuing in our series based on the movie "Fireproof" -- throughout this series, we've been learning how to fireproof the relationships in our lives -- this morning, we're going to talk about fireproofing the most important relationship of all -- your marriage

    -- if you're not married, I hope that you'll pay careful attention to this message, because what we're going to learn will make a huge difference in any future marriage if you decide to enter into one

 

    -- as you probably remember from the movie, "Fireproof," Caleb and Catherine -- the main characters in the movie -- are starting down the road to divorce -- they've reached that point in their lives when they've looked around and found out that their lives aren't turning out like they expected -- their dreams are tarnished -- and the only answer appears to be to quit

    -- in this clip, Caleb explains to his friend, Michael, that the marriage is probably through -- Michael responds, "I've seen you run into a burning building to save people you don't even know, but you're going to let your own marriage burn to the ground."

    -- let's watch the clip    [Watch Video Clip #3]

 

II. The Story of Robertson and Muriel McQuilken

    -- a few years ago, I heard the story of Robertson McQuilken, the president of the Columbia Bible College and Seminary in Columbia, SC and his wife Muriel

    -- Robertson and Muriel were living the typical life of a college president and wife -- attending to the college -- entertaining in their home -- enjoying life with their grown children -- but Robertson started to suspect something was wrong when they were vacationing in Florida and Muriel told the same story to the couple next to them that she had told them just five minutes before

    -- as time progressed, Robertson began to notice several other indicators that things weren't right -- his wife was having difficulty planning menus -- painting portraits -- and remembering people's names -- a visit to the doctor's confirmed what he suspected -- Muriel was in the early stages of Alzheimer's

    -- although Muriel seemed unaware of her mental regression, Robertson said that his life became like a slow death as he watched the vibrant, creative, and articulate person that he knew and loved gradually dimming out

    -- Robertson wrote, "As she needed more and more of me, I wrestled daily with the question of who gets me full-time-Muriel or Columbia Bible College and Seminary? Dr. Tabor advised me not to make any decision based on my desire to see Muriel stay contented. "Make your plans apart from that question. Whether or not you can be successful in your dreams for the college and seminary, I cannot judge, but I can tell you now, you will not be successful with Muriel.""

    -- modern society, though, told him something different -- all over America, people end relationships because their needs are not being met -- not happy in your marriage? -- get a divorce -- spouse not meeting your sexual needs? -- get a divorce -- having financial problems? -- get a divorce -- spouse gets sick? -- things are harder than you expected? -- life is more difficult than you signed up for? -- get a divorce

    -- Robertson heard the counsel of his family and friends -- he listened to the wisdom of the world -- and when the time came, his decision was firm -- it took no great calculation -- it was a matter of integrity -- 42 years before, Robertson and Muriel had stood together in a church just like this, looked into each other's eyes -- and vowed, "in sickness and in health...till death do us part"

    -- his decision was final -- he resigned from his position and became Muriel's full-time caregiver -- supporting her in her sickness and in her failing memory

    -- Robertson wrote, "This was no grim duty to which I stoically resigned, however. -- It was only fair. -- She had, after all, cared for me for almost four decades with marvelous devotion; now it was my turn. -- And such a partner she was! -- If I took care of her for 40 years, I would never be out of her debt. -- She is such a delight to me -- I don't have to care for her, I get to"

    -- what a picture of marriage -- what a picture of love -- what an inspiration for all of us who seek to love as God intended

 

III. Scripture Lesson

    -- let's look back at this passage of Scripture again and see what Jesus had to say about God's intent in human marriage -- before we do, let me give you the context so you'll understand how this excerpt fits into the whole

    -- as this passage opens, Jesus is making his final journey to Jerusalem to face the cross -- He has left Galilee and is now crossing through Judea when He is confronted by a group of Pharisees who were trying to test Him and catch Him saying something that would get Jesus in trouble with either the temple and the High Priest or with the Romans

 

 

    -- look back at verse 1

 

1. When Jesus had finished saying these things, he left Galilee and went into the region of Judea to the other side of the Jordan.

2. Large crowds followed him, and he healed them there.

3. Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?"

 

    -- now, there is a reason that the Pharisees chose the topic of divorce to try to trip Jesus up -- you see, Judea was ruled by Herod Antipas -- he was the son of Herod the Great -- the king who killed all the Hebrew babies in Bethlehem at the time of Jesus' birth

    -- this Herod is the one who had John the Baptist beheaded because John criticized his marriage to Herodias, who was his niece and the wife of his half-brother Philip -- the Pharisees were probably hoping that they could get Jesus to condemn this illegitimate marriage of Herod and Herodias and that He would be arrested and executed, just like John the Baptist

    -- so, they come to Jesus and ask Him a loaded question -- "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?"

    -- notice that the question is not, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife," but instead, "Can a man divorce his wife for any and every reason?"

    -- during the time of Christ, divorce was legal among the Jews -- in the book of Deuteronomy, a provision had been put into the law that allowed a man to divorce his wife if she was found to be indecent in his eyes

    -- so the real question that the Pharisees were asking Jesus, hoping to get Him to condemn Herod, was what defined indecency -- in other words, can a man divorce his woman for any and all reasons or are there specific reasons that are lawful? -- the hidden question, then, was, "Did Herod break the law by marrying Herodias?"

 

    -- but Jesus knew what they were really asking and He knew why they were asking it -- look at His response -- verse 4

 

4. "Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator `made them male and female,'

5. and said, `For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh' ?

6. So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."

 

    -- just as He did with the beatitudes -- just as He did with all of His teachings -- Jesus took the issue back to the heart of the matter

    -- "Why are you even asking about divorce -- don't you know that this is not the way it was at the beginning, when the Father created marriage?"

    -- marriage is a holy and sacred union of two people in the eyes of God -- when two people come together -- when a man leaves his father and mother and cleaves to his wife -- they are no longer two, but now they are one

    -- they are joined together by God -- He has bonded them one to the other -- so, when the Pharisees come to Jesus and try to trip Him up on the issue of lawful divorce, Jesus responds by saying, "Why are you even talking about divorce? -- Why are you even considering separating what God has joined?"

    -- the point Jesus is trying to make with the Pharisees is this -- God established marriage as a covenantal relationship between two people -- why are you trying to make it into a contract that you can break for any and every reason?

 

    -- you know, if I had to point to any one thing as a contributing factor in the divorce epidemic that we have in our churches and in our countries today, it would be the misunderstanding we have concerning whether marriage is a covenant or a contract

    -- we see the word "covenant" used a lot in Scripture -- a covenant is the strongest relationship that is possible -- when someone is desiring to make a lasting relationship with someone else, they could enter into a covenant with them

    -- a covenant is a little bit like a contract, except that it is a unilateral binding promise that you make to another -- in a contract, both parties agree to do something based upon what the other party does or doesn't do -- for instance, if you sign a contract to buy a car, you are saying that you will give the car dealer money and he will give you a car -- if either of you fails to live up to the terms of the contract -- for instance if you give the dealer money but they refuse to give you the car -- you can take them to court -- the contract is valid only if the other person keeps up their end of the bargain -- contracts can be broken

-- a covenant, on the other hand, exists when a binding promise is made that is kept regardless of what the other person does or doesn't do -- usually, a covenant involves a promise made by both parties, but it doesn't have to -- when God made the covenant with Noah to never flood the world again, Noah did not make a binding promise back to God -- this was a one-sided promise by God to all mankind

-- most covenants, though, involve both parties making promises to the other -- this is what happens at a wedding

-- when you marry someone, you are making a vow -- you are promising -- that you will live with that person regardless of the circumstances -- richer or poorer -- better or worse -- in sickness and in health -- till death do you part -- your part in the covenant should not depend on them and whether they keep the covenant or not

-- this is the reason why Robertson McQuilken stayed with his wife Muriel -- giving up his vocation and his dreams and his goals -- because he had vowed -- he had promised -- he had made a covenant with her that he would love her and take care of her, come what may

-- that meant that he didn't quit on her when times got tough -- that meant he didn't quit on her when he didn't feel loved -- that meant that he didn't quit on her when she got sick -- he had entered a covenant with her that said he would love her regardless

 

IV. Seasons of Marriage

-- as I have done more and more premarital counseling, I have found this is the one area that I spend most of my time on now -- I take time to explain to this young couple sitting in front of me that their marriage is going to go through phases -- that they won't always be as "in love" as they are right now -- but that the vows that they are going to make -- the covenant that they are going to enter into -- is going to require them to love and to stay with each other regardless

-- all marriages go through seasons -- nobody gets a cakewalk -- that's just not how life works -- like the rotation of the earth, marriages move through stages that are predictable -- most experts say that there are four of them, one following the next -- the difference between a successful marriage and a divorce comes down to how you go through these seasons

-- real quickly, let me go through these four seasons with you and then we'll close by sharing three great skills of life-time lovers

 

-- the first season of marriage is called Romance -- this is that area that I call being "in love" -- during romance, all is right with the world -- Women lose weight and men lose money. -- She'd rather spend time thinking about him than eating -- he'd rather spend money on her than pay the rent

    -- Romance is the season that all the love songs are written about -- remember that song that Michael Bolton had such a big hit with, "When a man loves a woman?" -- the chorus says,"When a man loves a woman, he can't keep his mind on nothin' else."

    -- that's it -- that's the romance season -- your whole world revolves around your partner and nothing can distract you from loving them or thinking the best about them

 

    -- For most Americans, this romantic stage lasts right up to somewhere between the "I now pronounce you man and wife," and the first time he leaves the toilet seat up or the first time she says, "I was too tired to cook anything so I bought you a TV dinner." -- At this point, one or both parties look in the mirror and quietly say, "I guess the honeymoon is over."

 

    -- psychologists tell us that romantic feelings of infatuation wear off, on average, about 2 ½ years into any relationship. -- And then you know what you're left with? -- reality

 

    -- That's the second season of a marriage -- reality is what sets in when romance wears off.

 

    -- Suddenly, one or both parties realizes that the object of their pursuit, the person of their dreams, the individual they feared they could never attain… is now someone they can never get rid of -- They begin to think, "Now that I have this relationship, what do I do with it?" -- It's like the dog that's been chasing cars for years and one day he catches one. "Now what do I do?" he says.

    -- at this point in a marriage, the two people who were so much "in love" in that Romance season now have to discover how to choose to love for a lifetime -- choosing to love is what reality is all about --choosing to love is what makes a marriage a covenant and not a contract

 

    -- which brings us to the third season -- resentment -- or, as I like to call it, the crisis of relationship -- During the resentment phase, the one who was once the object of our affection now becomes the target of our frustration.

 

    -- in this season, it's easy to blame the spouse for all the evils in the world, even if they are only remotely connected to the problem -- If there are financial stresses, it's her fault because she spends too much -- Or it's his fault, because he makes too little

    -- If there is friction, he started it, or she was too sensitive. -- the other person is always to blame because it's not your fault -- as Caleb said in the movie, "I am not a perfect person, but I'm better than most. And if my marriage is failing, it is not all my fault."

    -- It's during this resentment phase that character is tested and the need for love -- true love -- comes into play -- really for the first time in the marriage

 

    -- it's at this stage that most divorces occur -- it's at this stage that the decision to love has to be made if a marriage is to remain -- the love that is needed in this season isn't human love -- it's the love that we talked about in our last sermon -- the agape, unconditional love that God gave us and that He calls for us to shower on others -- marriages are only going to survive the trials of reality and resentment through the unconditional love of God pouring out from one partner to another

 

    -- finally, marriages go through a rebuilding season -- this is the season when marriages are strengthened -- when a couple goes from being infatuated with each other and become truly and deeply in love -- this is when they experience the love that sustains through the hard times as well as the good -- when they choose to love each other regardless of what the other spouse does

    -- it is in this season that we need to practice three great skills to ensure a lifetime of love and marriage with our spouse

 

    -- I know I've run out of time, so real quick, let me just list these for you -- we've talked about all of these before, but if you've got any questions or need something else, just let me know and I'll try to get more information to you

 

    -- the first skill is remembering -- remembering that men and women are different and adapting accordingly -- this is what we talked about in our first sermon in this series -- if you missed it, I want to encourage you to go back and take a look at it

    -- the second skill is asking and granting forgiveness -- the heart of a covenantal relationship is forgiveness -- not overlooking what the other person has done -- but forgiving them for it anyway -- loving them in spite of the wrong and asking them to love you in spite of what you have done

    -- the last skill is the most important of all -- it is deciding to love and to keep on loving -- it is the conscious decision to love your spouse unconditionally -- to shower them with God's agape love -- to stay with them and love them in better and in worse -- through richer and poorer -- in sickness and in health

    -- it is the decision to love for a lifetime

 

    -- One of the biggest misunderstandings about marriage in our day is that people think marriage is based on love, and that love is a feeling -- Love isn't a feeling, it's an action -- It's a way of acting -- it's something that you choose to do

    -- The Bible's most famous passage on love, 1 Corinthians 13, says that love is patient, kind, not envious, not boastful, not proud, not rude, not self-seeking, not easily-angered. It says that it doesn't keep score, doesn't secretly like it when someone has something bad happen to them -- it says that love is the truth, it always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always hangs in there. -- That's God's description of love.

    -- now let me ask you -- What part of that is based on emotions? -- None of it -- It's all based on decision -- To love is a decision -- to love is choice -- to love means that you hang in there, even when happily ever after isn't happening -- even when the worse days outweigh the better -- when the poor times are greater than the richer -- when there's sickness more than health

    -- I promise, we're closing now -- but before I pray, let me share with you that I've got another Love Dare for you this week -- we'll have it at the back door for you on the way out

    -- let's pray

SERMON: 40 Days of Love: Speaking the Truth in Love

40 DAYS OF LOVE SERMON SERIES:

SPEAKING THE TRUTH IN LOVE

22 February 2009

 

I. Introduction

    -- turn in Bibles to 1 Corinthians 13

 

4. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

5. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

6. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

7. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8. Love never fails.

 

-- the key verse for this morning is verse 6 -- "Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth"

 

    -- several weeks ago, someone came and asked me a question on behalf of a friend of theirs -- their friend's mother-in-law is divorced and for the past several years has been having an affair with a married man -- this married man would even spend days and nights at her house

    -- the friend was concerned over the message that this was sending to their children -- given the fact that they were trying to raise their children to love the Lord and were trying to teach them to obey God in all that they do -- but it was hard to do that because they could literally look across the street and see their grandmother living in sin with a married man

    -- so, their friend went to his mother-in-law and told her that what she was doing was wrong -- he showed her in the Bible where it said that men and women should not be together like that unless they were married -- he showed her where her lifestyle was wrong in the sight of God and he told her that, unless she repented of her sin and quit what she was doing, he was not going to allow his children to come over and visit with her

    -- now he was very upset because he felt like he had judged her and had committed a sin because of what he had said to her

    -- I didn't get the opportunity to talk to him directly, but I passed on the word that what he had done was in perfect accordance with the word of God and with the law of love -- as it says in our key verse this morning, "Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth" and as it says in Ephesians 4:15, we are to speak the truth in love to our neighbors who are living in falsehood and evil

 

    -- we are continuing in our series on the 40 Days of Love -- and this morning we are going to address one of the most controversial and most avoided topics in the church today -- and that is speaking the truth in love through confrontation

    -- confronting loved ones about their sins or their actions is actually the first step in church discipline -- a practice that is sorely needed in the church today and that few churches or individuals are willing to practice for fear of hurting someone's feelings

    -- so, to start our study on this topic, if you would, please turn with me to Matthew 18 and let's see what the Bible has to say about church discipline

 

II. Church Discipline

    -- look if you would at verse 15

 

15. "If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over.

16. But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that `every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.'

17. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.

 

    -- now I want you to note who is speaking and the context of these words -- first, note that this is Jesus who is speaking -- who is passing on this direction and truth to His disciples -- this isn't Paul -- this isn't Peter -- this is Christ Himself who is commanding us to enact the process of discipline and correction on those who have sinned against us or who are living lifestyles that aren't compatible with God's word

    -- next, note the context -- these words are given within an evangelistic message from Jesus -- in other words, Jesus is telling His disciples here that God loves them so much that He wants them to live holy lives and to enter into His kingdom in faith

    -- He warns them that if they have sin in their lives, they are to cast it out -- to put off the sinful actions and to take up the holiness that comes from following God -- and then He reminds them of those around them -- He says that the Father loves the lost sinner so much, that He will leave the 99 sheep and go to find the one who wandered off

    -- Jesus says here in verse 14, "The Father is not willing that any of these little ones should be lost" -- and then immediately gives His disciples the steps of church discipline and tells them how to approach those that they love who have wronged them in some way

    -- this is important to remember, because it frames church discipline in an important way -- the reason why we are called to confront our loved ones about their sins and their actions -- the reason why we are called to discipline our church members who have strayed is to help them find their way back into complete fellowship with God and with the church again -- to help reconcile them to God and the church again through repentance and restoration

    -- notice the first step in church discipline there in verse 15

 

15. "If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over.

-- this first step is what we are going to be discussing this morning -- it is the art of confronting our loved ones about their sin and their actions by speaking the truth in love to them and showing them the error of their ways -- this is a private action -- just between the two of you -- it is the first step on the road to reconciliation -- and, hopefully, it will be enough to lead them back into fellowship with you and with God

    -- this is exactly what the person I was talking about in my opening illustration did with his mother-in-law -- although he was upset at having to do it, he was following Christ's commands -- he was called to confront her because of her obvious sin and to speak the truth in love to her in hopes of reconciling her to him and to the church -- now, if she fails to respond to his confrontation, then he is to continue on in the process of discipline, which would involve bringing in one or two other witnesses and eventually bringing it before the church

 

III.
What is Confrontation?

    -- so, what is confrontation -- what is the reason for it? -- well, we've already addressed this to some extent, but let's take it a little deeper

    -- Confrontation is loving someone enough to help them change their life for the better -- it is coming to someone that you love and helping them to recognize their shortcomings and the possible consequences of their actions so that they will turn from their sin and change for the better

    -- confrontation is having to say tough things to someone else that they don't want to hear but that they need to hear -- and that you, in love, need to share to help them be reconciled to you and to God -- keeping the peace doesn't mean hiding the truth -- it doesn't mean ignoring the truth -- it means addressing problems in a Godly manner to accomplish Godly purposes

 

    -- looking back at my life, it's easy to see the areas where God has gifted me -- one area that I have been gifted in is in education -- I always did well in school -- I was always at the top of my class -- I was always the quickest to pick up new facts and to excel in subjects in school and to be recognized for my academic achievements through awards and other recognitions

    -- it's a wonderful blessing from God to be gifted in this way -- but, it can very easily lead you down a wrong path -- if you're not careful, you can easily become prideful and arrogant about this -- and that's exactly what I did without realizing it -- I started to take credit for my academic success, rather than to give the glory to God -- and I began to look down on others who did not succeed like I was succeeding -- I was coming across as very prideful and arrogant to others -- as someone who was better than others and above them in all ways

    -- one day, a friend came to me in love and confronted me on this issue -- he pointed out that I was sinning in this area and that my pride and arrogance was hurting those around me -- and it took his loving confrontation -- speaking words that I didn't want to hear but that I needed to hear -- to steer me back to the path of humility and to the place where I recognized and gave God the glory for all the gifts He had given me

    -- this is an area that I still continue to struggle in -- it's tough to maintain -- it's not like you can one day wake up and say, "I'm going to be humble today" -- but when I start to get a little prideful -- when I start to get full of myself -- God reminds me of the words of my friend and brings me back through repentance

    -- this is a great example of what confrontation in the church should look like

 

    -- basically, there are two primary reasons for you to confront someone else -- first, if you have been wronged by someone else and it is affecting your relationship -- and, second, if someone you love is doing something that is damaging their relationship with God or others

    -- now, keep in mind that sometimes confrontation is not the right thing to do at that moment -- sometimes the right path is simply to offer forgiveness without confrontation -- you would choose to do that if confrontation might make the matter worse or if confrontation might lead to increased damage to relationships -- confrontation in these cases would not be healthy

    -- the goal of confrontation is to heal relationships -- relationships between you and the other person and their relationship with God -- there are cases where the sin against you is so deep that you don't want to restore your relationship with the other person -- where it wouldn't be a good idea to restore your relationship with them -- in that case, you wouldn't confront them but would simply forgive them in your heart as a means of spiritual healing

 

IV. How Do We Confront?

    -- so, how do we confront someone else? -- how do we go about speaking the truth in love? -- I'm running out of time, so let me give you the steps of confrontation real quick

 

    -- Before you confront anyone in love:

    1. Check your motives.

    -- why are you doing this? -- why do you think that you need to confront this other person? -- there are right motives and there are wrong motives -- the right motive is to seek to help the other person and not to hurt them -- to seek to restore relationships with each other or with God

    -- wrong motives would include things like jealousy -- anger -- envy -- some people want to point fingers at someone else and show them how wrong they are living in order to make themselves feel spiritually superior -- these are all wrong motives

    -- so, the first thing you have to do is check your motives and make sure it is something that God is clearly calling you to do

 

    2. Plan your presentation

    -- confrontation should not be spontaneous -- engage your mind before you put your tongue in gear -- you need to spend some time planning what you're going to say, how you're going to say it, and when you're going to say it

    -- remember that the ultimate goal of confrontation is transformed lives and relationships -- when you confront someone, make sure you clearly identify what they're doing that's wrong and the implications of their behavior -- what is their behavior doing to them and to those around them? -- and think about how you can say this to them in love

 

    3. Make sure you give them affirmation -- that you affirm that you love them and that the reason you are doing this is because you care about them and what they're doing to themselves

    -- the truth is likely to hurt -- so we must couch it in affirmations -- put the affirmation on each side of the confrontation -- it's like eating a sandwich where you have bread and bread and meat in between

    -- Start with affirmation -- "you are a blessing to me because...." -- "I love you and deeply care for you" -- "You mean a lot to me"

    -- and then say, "for that reason, there's something I need to tell you" -- that's when you dive in and confront them on their behavior, remembering to speak the truth in love

    -- and then you end with affirmation -- "I'm doing this because I want to help you with this issue" -- "I believe you can change" -- "I'll pray for you and help you"

 

    -- Affirm that:

        -- you deeply love and care for the person

        -- you will pray for them and help them

        -- You believe they can change

        -- The relationship can be better and that you can be even closer as a result of this confrontation

 

    4. Risk their rejection -- when you lay it all out on the line and confront someone over something they have done to you or something they are doing that is not right, they are liable to get angry and to get defensive -- they're liable to reject you and what you are saying -- but, if you truly love them, then you have to risk their rejection in order to bring them back home to God again and to restore the relationships in their lives

 

V. Closing

    -- remember the overall goal of confrontation is transformation -- transformation of the relationship into a deeper, more meaning relationship -- transformation of the person into a more Godly disciple of Christ

    -- a good way to remember the steps of confronting is through this formula -- Truth + Tact + Timing = Transformation -- Truth + Tact + Timing = Transformed lives and transformed relationships

 

    -- Confrontation has its place in the church -- discipline has its place in the church -- and both of them probably need to be done more than we are currently doing it -- but they need to be done correctly

    -- confrontation should only be done in love -- confrontation should only be considered if you have the right motives -- if your motives are pure -- confrontation should not be something that you just jump into -- it needs to be planned -- it needs to be bathed in prayer -- it needs to be something that God leads you to do -- and it needs to be surrounded with affirmation

 

    -- let me close by leaving you with one more example of how loving confrontation should look in the church -- in Christianity Today, there was the story about this small group of women who would get together once a week for Bible study -- well, one lady in the group, Connie, loved to talk -- she'd carry on each session about her love life -- about how things were going with her boyfriend -- just on and on about her relationship with him -- taking up at least 30 minutes of their hour-and-a-half meeting time

    -- at first, the group listened and supported her -- but after a while, it became too much -- she was dominating the group's time and not letting anyone else share what was going on with them -- it began to affect the overall unity in the group and affected Connie's relationship with everyone there     -- in fact, two people quit the group because they were tired of Connie's constant personal conversations

    -- so, Lydia, the leader of the group, knew she needed to confront Connie about her behavior -- she set up a meeting with Connie and asked her, "Do you realize that you absorb a lot of our small group time with your problems and that other people often don't have the opportunity to share?" -- Connie's blank face told Lydia she was oblivious.

    -- Lydia continued by saying, "Our group loves you, Connie. We want you there because you offer valuable insights and you are an encouragement. But sometimes you've got to let go of the spotlight."

    -- Two hours and many tears later, Connie agreed that she'd make a conscious effort to change -- when she rejoined her small group, at first she felt ashamed and barely uttered a word -- week by week, she learned how to be a better listener and how to be more constructive when she shared her struggles. [Source: "Dominated by One" by Life Together]

 

    -- this week, our "Putting It Into Practice" is a little more difficult -- as we've been doing all along, I want you to go ahead and select one person that you care about -- one person who has either wronged you or who is not following God's path

    -- and then I want you to affirm that person on paper -- I want you to make a list of all the positive qualities of that person -- and then I want you to pray about them and what they are doing and ask God if He wants you to confront them at this time or not

    -- now, it may very well be that it is not the right time to confront them -- if that's the case, then what you need to do this week is just start praying for this person in a very specific way -- make sure your motives are correct and just pray for them and wait for God's leading before you make the decision to confront them on any action

 

    -- sometimes, loving confrontation is the only route to renewal and growth -- it is the only path that you can take to reconcile a relationship -- to help lead a person back to a more Godly lifestyle and to steer them back into a right relationship with both you and with God

 

    -- so, as we close, I want to encourage you to not enter this path lightly but to approach any confrontations you are thinking of with prayer and planning -- remembering to always speak the truth in love

 

    -- let us pray

SERMON: Fireproof Sermon 2: He First Loved Us

FIREPROOF SERMON SERIES:

SERMON 2 -- HE FIRST LOVED US

12 October 2008

 

I. Introduction

    -- turn in Bibles to 1 John 4

 

7. Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.

8. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.

9. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him.

10. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.

11. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.

12. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.

13. We know that we live in him and he in us, because he has given us of his Spirit.

14. And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world.

15. If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in him and he in God.

16. And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him.

17. In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like him.

18. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

19. We love because he first loved us.

 

    -- for thousands of years, Mt. Everest loomed over the earth and mocked every attempt by humans to climb it -- at 29,035 feet -- 5-1/2 miles in elevation -- Mt. Everest is the tallest point on earth -- for centuries, men had tried to conquer Everest -- and for centuries, men had failed, with many men dying in the process

    -- by the mid-twentieth century, most climbers considered the mountain unclimbable -- "It is impossible," they said. "No one will ever climb to the top of Mt. Everest -- no one will ever stand at the highest point in the world and look out over all of God's creation."

    -- but, on May 29th, 1953, two men changed history -- Edmund Hillary from New Zealand and Tenzing Norgay from Nepal reached the top of Mt. Everest together at 11:30 am -- and stood where no one else had ever stood

    -- it was not easy -- it took years of preparation -- it took weeks of climbing in extremely dangerous conditions -- freezing weather -- frostbite -- the potential for falls from cliffs and crevasses -- and altitude sickness

    -- but they did it -- they had conquered Mt. Everest -- and now that they had shown it could be done, others followed in their footsteps -- since 1953, over 1,400 different climbers from twenty different countries have been to the top of Mt. Everest over 2,000 times

 

    -- the story of Edmund Hillary and Tenzing Norgay climbing Mt. Everest is a good example for us -- if you're like me, you probably have difficulty doing things that you've never seen or experienced before -- I can't tell you how many times Kim has told me that my favorite words are, "It can't be done" -- it usually comes up when she asks me to fix something that I don't think can be fixed

    -- but all of us say that and believe that from time to time -- and if you go through life with that attitude, you will find yourself right 100% of the time -- if you don't believe it can be done -- if you've never seen it or experienced it before -- then you're probably not going to be able to do it yourself

    -- that's exactly what kept people from climbing Mt. Everest all those years -- and that's exactly what's keeping us from enjoying truly fulfilling relationships with loved ones in our lives

 

    -- as you know, we are working on a sermon series based on the movie, "Fireproof," called, "How to Fireproof Our Relationships" -- in this series, I am going to give you practical tools and suggestions on how to be a better husband, wife, neighbor, and friend -- just like we did last week

    -- this week, though, I want us to do something a little different -- we're going on a journey -- we're going to climb to the top of Mt. Relationship -- we're going to the highest relational point in our lives -- and we're going to look for the source of what we need to truly improve all of the relationships in our lives

    -- a lot of people have missed out on experiencing outstanding relationships in their lives because they have never experienced true love at the deepest level -- and because they have never seen or experienced love like this, they think it can't happen -- because they have never seen love or experienced it in their lives -- they can't duplicate it or offer it to others

    -- so, this morning, we're going on a journey to find true love -- we're climbing the heights of Mt. Relationship to find God -- the source of all love -- so that once we get there, we will be able to stand there at the top of that mountain in His presence and experience His love in a new way and see the perfect example we should follow as we seek to fireproof all of the relationships in our lives

 

    -- as I said, this sermon series is based on the new movie called "Fireproof" that was put out by Sherwood Baptist Church -- as you know, the movie is about a marriage teetering on the brink of divorce -- Caleb Holt, a fire chief in Albany, GA, and his wife Catherine are struggling in their marriage -- Catherine says she wants out -- she wants a divorce -- and Caleb says it's up to her

    -- but as he seeks the counsel of his family and his friends, Caleb realizes that a marriage is a special relationship that requires special care -- and just like he was trained to never leave a partner in a fire -- he comes to understand that you should never leave a partner in a marriage

    -- in order to help him, Caleb's father gives him a hand-written book with practical suggestions on how to love his wife, Catherine -- the book urges him to do one act of kindness -- one act of service -- one act of love for her each day

    -- Caleb starts going through the steps in the book, but they don't seem to work for him -- the problem is that since he's never experienced true love in his own life, he really doesn't know how to show it Catherine

    -- it's kind of like climbing Mt. Everest -- if you've never seen anyone do it -- or if you don't have experience climbing similar types of mountains -- then it's likely you won't be able to climb Everest yourself

    -- let's take a moment and look at a scene from the movie [Show Clip 2]

 

    -- "You cannot give what you do not have" -- Caleb wasn't able to truly love Catherine because he had never experienced true love in his own life -- without that example -- without a source of love on which to draw -- Caleb was forced to draw from his own strength and from his own idea of love -- but it wasn't enough

    -- we live in a culture that is fixated on love -- we see it pictured in our movies -- we hear it idolized in our songs -- it dominates what we think and believe and do as a nation -- but the image of love that most of us have is not real love -- it's Hollywood love -- it's emotional -- it feels good for the moment -- but it won't last

    -- Dan Seaborn with "Winning at Home" ministries once spoke about a woman in the midwest who divorced her husband because he didn't love her like the character in a movie -- she had just watched the movie, "The Bridges of Madison County" -- and as she watched that movie, she thought to herself that her husband would never love her in that way -- so she wanted to divorce him and find someone who would -- that's what she actually put on her divorce papers -- "He doesn't love me like Robert Kincaid loved Francesca in 'The Bridges of Madison County'"

    -- this is the picture of love that a lot of us have learned -- and when we try to build a marriage or another relationship on this image of love -- it just won't work

    -- this isn't love -- this is infatuation -- it can be a step on the path of love -- but it's never the end of a journey -- that's what Caleb and Catherine found out in their marriage in this movie -- you can't build a marriage on infatuation -- you can only build it on true love -- but you can't give true love unless you have first received it in your own life

 

    -- so, where do we find true love? -- where do we go to find the source of true love? -- we find it right here in this passage from 1 John 4

    -- this epistle -- this letter -- was written by the Apostle John -- John was one of the first of Jesus' disciples -- he had lived with Jesus for three years -- he had watched Jesus as He lived among us -- healing and teaching and preaching -- John had seen the love of Christ expressed in tangible ways every day -- and through his experience with Jesus, John came to know and understand true, perfect love in his own life

    -- the love of God defined him -- in fact, in the gospel of John, John doesn't even name himself -- he calls himself by the phrase, "the disciple Jesus loved" -- for John, it was Jesus' love that gave him life and made him who he was

    -- at the time this letter is written, John is an old man -- scholars think he could be in his 80s to 90s -- he's lived a long life serving God -- preaching and teaching and sharing with countless others the good news of Jesus' death and resurrection -- but now, at the end of his life, he can't help but give away what Jesus gave to him -- and that was perfect, unconditional love

    -- it's practically all he can talk about -- all he can think about -- all he cares about -- let's look back at what he had to tell us about God's love

 

    -- verse 7

 

7. Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.

8. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.

 

-- like I said, John was obsessed with love -- in these two verses, John used the word "love" five times -- he says we should "love one another, for love comes from God" -- the Greek word that John uses here is the word, agape -- it refers to true, unconditional love -- sacrificial love -- the love that puts another person first

    -- John says, "love one another without condition -- love them regardless of who they are -- love them regardless of what they do -- love them from your heart and with your whole being"

    -- that's not the message of the world -- the world tells you to love in response to someone else -- the world tells you that marriage is a contract -- you only have to love someone -- you only have to stay married -- if the other person fulfills their end of the deal

    -- the world tells you, "if your partner is not fulfilling you, then you can leave -- if you're partner is not making you happy, then you can leave -- if you're partner is not responding to you the way you want them to, then you can leave"

    -- but John says different -- John says "love them regardless -- love them when you first wake up in the morning and they're not at their best -- love them when they're grumpy and have had a bad day -- love them when they're sick and tired -- love them when they don't seem to care about you -- love them always without condition"

    -- but there's a caveat -- we can only love in this way if we have first experienced it in our own lives -- John says, "love them like this, because God loves you" -- in other words, the source of love is God Himself -- the only way you can love someone unconditionally -- sacrificially -- is if you have experienced that type of love in your own life

    -- in the movie "Fireproof," Caleb was trying to love Catherine in his own strength -- he was trying to heal her marriage by loving her like the world said to love her -- and when she didn't respond to his efforts -- he was ready to give up

    -- because he had never experienced agape love in his own life, he couldn't give it to her -- you can only give away what you already have

 

    -- verse 9

 

9. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him.

10. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.

11. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.

 

    -- John wanted his readers to understand the image of true, unconditional love so they could give it to others -- "This is how God loved us," John said. "This is what love looks like."

    -- you know since I have been married, I can't tell you the number of times that Kim has drug home orphaned animals of one kind or another -- I remember a few years ago when she brought home a kitten that she had found at the base -- this kitten was wild -- it was vicious -- she actually had to put out a trap to catch it -- and that kitten hated her

    -- she put it in a cage there in the house -- and every time she walked by, that kitten would hiss at her -- every time she opened the cage to feed it, that kitten would try to bite her -- it would scratch her -- it would spit at her -- it hated her

    -- but Kim still showed love to that kitten -- even though it hissed at her -- even though it spit at her -- even though her arms were scratched to pieces -- she still showed love to that kitten -- she fed it and took care of it and loved it

    -- that's just what God did for us -- God created us -- He made us in His own image -- and when we turned away from Him -- when we rejected Him -- when we spat in His face and disobeyed Him and did things our own way -- when we were mean and nasty to Him -- He still loved us

    -- He loved us so much that He sent His only Son to earth for us -- He sent Jesus to die for us on the cross so that we might be forgiven of our sins and receive eternal life with Him -- He gave all He had so that we might know and experience His love

    -- God loved us without condition -- in spite of all that we did to Him, He loved us -- and John says here, "since God loved us -- since God agaped us -- then we should agape others"

 

    -- in the movie clip we watched, we see the moment when Caleb realizes that he has never known the love of God in his life -- we see the moment when Caleb realizes that he had been treating God just like Catherine was treating him -- and he finds himself at the foot of the cross -- at the top of Mt. Relationship -- at the source of agape love

    -- in order to love someone else, we must know love in our own lives first -- John tells us that God is love -- so, if we want to have real fulfilling relationships with others in our lives -- if we want to experience and show agape love to others, then we must know God

    -- so, how does that happen?

 

    -- verse 12

 

12. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.

13. We know that we live in him and he in us, because he has given us of his Spirit.

14. And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world.

15. If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in him and he in God.

16. And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him.

 

-- we come to know God through His Son, Christ Jesus -- the Bible tells us that Jesus came to earth to die for us -- to pay the penalty for our sins -- for our wrong-doings -- on the cross -- He came to forgive us for all the wrong things that we have done -- and He rose from the dead on the third day to prove that He had conquered sin and death and won for us eternal life with Him -- John points to the cross and says, "This is love"

    -- to receive that love -- to drink from the fountain and source of love -- to receive God in our lives -- is something that we have to do if we truly want to experience love in all of our relationships

    -- the Bible says that you do that by believing in your heart that Jesus is the Son of God -- by believing that Jesus died on the cross for your sins -- by asking Him to forgive you of your sins -- and by receiving His offer of love and life

    -- in Revelation 3:20, Jesus says, "Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him and he with Me"

    -- Jesus is knocking on the door right now -- He's offering you life and love with Him -- He's offering you a wellspring of love that will overflow from your heart to others in your life -- all you have to do is respond -- all you have to do is open that door -- and Jesus will come in

    -- you can't give what you don't know -- if you truly want to know love and to know that you are loved -- if you truly want to give love to others -- then you have to receive the love that God is offering us through Jesus

 

    -- I'm going to close in prayer right now -- and when I do, I'm going to lead us in a prayer of salvation -- a prayer that opens the door that Jesus is knocking on

    -- keep in mind that the words don't really matter -- there's no secret incantation -- there's no special words that you have to say to get Jesus to save you -- what matters is your heart -- the words hopefully just express what is going on in your hearts as you trust and believe in God's promise of salvation through Jesus' death and resurrection

 

    -- let's pray [pray]

 

    -- before the last hymn is played, one more thing I want to do -- at the end of the service last week, I gave each of you a love dare -- something tangible for you to do this past week to show someone that you loved them

    -- I hope that you did that

 

    -- well, this week is the same -- I've got another love dare for you -- at the back of the church, there's another slip of paper with the love dare written on it -- there's one for husbands -- one for wives -- and one for singles

    -- I want to challenge you to take one of these love dares and to go out this week and do what it says to do -- if you run into difficulty, then I want to encourage you to read 1 Corinthians 13 and pray and ask God what you might do

    -- remember that even the smallest acts can show love if you do them with your whole heart

 

    [close with hymn]

SERMON: 40 Days of Love: Love is Patient, Love is Kind

40 DAYS OF LOVE SERMON SERIES:

LOVE IS PATIENT, LOVE IS KIND

Preached at Naylor UMC 15 February 2009

 

I. Introduction

    -- turn in Bibles to 1 Corinthians 13:4. "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud."

 

    -- David Langerfeld, the pastor of Harrisburg Baptist Church, writes about his wife every Valentine's Day to thousands of e-mail subscribers around the country -- he talks about her beauty -- how her family had come to America from Sweden and how she had the classic Scandinavian appearance with blond hair, blue eyes, long slender legs, and soft, blemish-free skin -- but her real beauty, he writes, is internal -- becoming a Christian at an early age, she is characterized by the beauty that comes from integrity and honesty and kindness

    -- David and his wife met in college, and it was love at first site -- they were married one week after they graduated, and would spend every waking moment together, doing all those things young married couples do -- going on bike rides -- travelling -- going to movies -- watching TV -- eating out

    -- his wife taught school for a year and then became a bookkeeper for a surgical supply company -- one day, while she was working, for no apparent reason, she lost her balance and fell on the floor --  She was later able to get up and went to see a doctor that night -- He referred her to a neurologist.
    -- The next day, it happened again -- For no apparent reason, she lost her balance and fell -- this time, though, she couldn't get up -- she had lost all feeling in her legs -- they wouldn't move -- David came to the office, picked her up in his arms, and carried her to the hospital -- after six days in the hospital, the doctor gave this beautiful, active young lady the dreadful news --  She had Multiple Sclerosis and she would continue to deteriorate.
    -- all of their future plans and dreams changed in a moment with that diagnosis -- David and his wife had only been married for 18 months -- and now he was faced with a new and overwhelming challenge -- caring for a wife whose physical health would continue to deteriorate and who could not be the healthy vibrant woman that he had married

    -- many men in this situation would have left -- in fact, in a large percentage of the marriages where a spouse has MS, the other spouse leaves them -- the other spouse won't stay committed to the constant care and the continual physical, psychological and mental changes that continue to occur

    -- but David was not like other men -- over the next 30 years, David stayed with his wife and loved her as her condition worsened -- when her bones became brittle, breaking easily, David was there to help her get around -- when she went from a walker to an electric scooter to a wheelchair, David stood by her side -- when she could no longer feed herself, write her name, or control her own bodily functions, David continued to love her with patience and kindness -- even now, when someone has to stay with her 24 hours a day, David has never left her side
    -- 1 Corinthians 13 -- the Love Chapter -- describes for us what love looks like as it shows us dynamic, powerful expressions of love from the heart of God Himself -- the descriptions of love in this chapter tell us how God loves us and show us how we are to love each other

    -- in our key verse for today, Paul writes that "Love is patient, love is kind" -- those two aspects -- those two characteristics of love go together hand in hand -- patience is about attitude -- kindness is about action -- and together, these two combine to produce loving acts that mirror the Savior's heart

    -- David Langerfeld could only express his love for his wife in these two ways -- it was the attitude of patience that enabled him to stand by his wife during her deteriorating condition -- and it was kindness -- love in action -- that demonstrated his love to her during the most trying of times

    -- this morning, as we continue in our 40 Days of Love sermon series, we are going to look at this tandem idea of love being patient and love being kind

 

II. Patience

    -- let's begin with this idea of patience -- as I said, patience is about your attitude -- your perspective -- the way you think and feel about someone or something

    -- and this is important -- because if you don't look at someone or something with eyes of love -- seeing the positive in the midst of the negative circumstances and events that surround you -- there is no way you will be able to display patience -- endurance -- perseverance -- as you interact with that person or thing

    -- so what is the secret to patience -- how can you have patience and have a right attitude with those people who cause problems and irritations in your life?

    -- you cooperate with God as He seeks to develop you into a patient and loving person

 

    -- God's part is to provide the circumstances    -- the Bible teaches that God allows troubles and trials and circumstances to come into our lives to teach us how to be more patient -- to teach us how to rely on Him -- to teach us how to love like Him

    -- love must be tested in order for it to be real -- if David's wife had never developed MS, neither of them would have known or experienced the depth of love that came from that trial in their lives -- through that circumstance, God turned David into a person who was loving and patient and kind -- not only with his wife, but with all the people that he met

    -- remember that God's word tells us that in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him -- for those who are called according to His purpose -- this tells us that no matter what circumstances God allows in our lives -- no matter how challenging the trial or the storm that we are facing, God is using it to bring about good in our lives -- molding and making us more like Him through this process

    

    -- our part in learning the secret to patience is to provide the response -- to have an attitude that approaches trials and storms with faith and trust and the knowledge that God is working through us to make us better people

    -- there are three things that we can do that will help us respond to every circumstance with patience

    1. Discover a bigger perspective -- look at it from a larger point of view -- wisdom is seeing things through God's eyes -- leads you to not being bothered by minor irritations --Proverbs 19:11 says that "a man's wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense."

    2. Deepen your love -- love is a patience-builder -- When you're filled with love, almost nothing will irritate you. But when you're filled with anger; almost anything will irritate you

        -- John Eldredge once wrote about how everyone these days seems to be filled with anger -- the slightest irritation sets them off -- he said he was driving in traffic and a man cut him off -- he blew the horn and the other guy got angry and started yelling at him -- both of them were so angry at this minor irritation that they were ready to kill each other

        -- impatience says more about you than it does the other person -- we must learn to love like Jesus loved

    3. Depend on Jesus' power -- this is the only way to love like Jesus loved -- this is the only way to respond to every circumstance with patience

 

    -- so, patience is an attitude -- it is a choice that you make to love someone in spite of the circumstance -- to endure and persevere through trying times

    -- so, what is kindness? -- as I said earlier, kindness is about action -- it is about putting feet to our faith -- hands to our love

    -- perhaps the best place to see kindness in action is in Jesus' familiar parable of the Good Samaritan -- so, if you would, please turn with me to Luke 10 and let's finish up there

III. The Good Samaritan -- A Portrait of Kindness

    -- as we look at this passage, there are four lessons in responding with kindness that we can learn from the story of the Good Samaritan

    -- look with me now at verse 30

 

30. In reply Jesus said: "A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he fell into the hands of robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead.

31. A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side.

32. So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side.

33. But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him.

 

    -- the first lesson is to start seeing the needs of people around you -- Jesus tells us that when the priest and the Levite saw the man, they walked on by -- but when the Samaritan saw the man, he recognized the need

    -- kindness begins with the eyes -- kindness means being sensitive to another person -- seeing and responding to their needs

 

    -- the second lesson we learn here is that we must sympathize with people's pain -- when he saw the man's needs -- when he heard his cries for help -- Jesus says that the Samaritan's heart went out to him -- his heart was filled with pity -- with compassion -- he sympathized over the condition of this man

    -- kindness begins with the eyes -- sympathy begins with the ears -- in order to love people with patience and kindness, we must not only see their needs -- we must listen to their hearts

    -- there's a clip from the Ellen DeGeneres show that is making the rounds through e-mail and on YouTube called, "I drink a little, but I love Jesus" -- it's an extremely funny clip, but a lot of Christians have been objecting to it because of Ellen's lifestyle choices

    -- but, as Billy Bob Briggs pointed out in an article on Serve E-zine, Christians have something to learn from Ellen -- this clip shows that Ellen is a master of two skills that the Samaritan displays here in this passage

    -- first, we must genuinely listen to people and not just pretend to be polite -- the priest and the Levite were polite, but they didn't listen to the cry of the man in the ditch -- the Samaritan listened with his heart and responded in love -- secondly, we must accept people for who they are and celebrate them as God's unique creation -- the Samaritan could easily have walked by because he was of another race -- a race looked down upon by the man he helped -- but he didn't -- he saw the needs -- he heard the cry -- and he loved the man in the ditch for who he was

    -- Galatians 6:2 says, "Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." -- by listening with his heart, the Samaritan carried the burden of this man

 

    -- verse 34

 

34. He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine.

 

-- the third lesson we learn here is to seize the moment -- Carpe Diem -- Seize the Day -- don't wait -- don't delay -- do what you can, when you can, at that very moment

    -- To be a kinder person like the Good Samaritan you must be willing to be interrupted -- the Samaritan stopped what he was doing and went to the man in need -- Jesus did the same thing -- He always allowed Himself to be interrupted by the needs of others -- the lesson here is "be spontaneous"

    -- when the Samaritan saw the man, heard his cries, and had sympathy for him, he stopped and took action -- he stopped what he was doing and went to the man and took action -- he didn't walk on by and think, "I'll tell the authorities when I get to the next town" -- he didn't say, "I need to get supplies first" -- no, he did what he could with what he had at that particular moment -- he used what resources he had with him -- just like we need to use what resources we have with us when we see someone in need

    -- also, to be a kinder person like the Good Samaritan, you must be willing to take risks -- the Samaritan stopped and took action even though the robbers could still be around -- it could have been a trap -- the robbers might have left the man there to lure another person into their grasp -- but the Samaritan stopped regardless -- he took a risk to love this man

    -- he also took a risk by stooping down to get to where the man was -- this man was laying on the road -- and in order to love him, the Samaritan had to go to where he was -- the Samaritan's actions show us that to be kind to people, you have to get on their level -- face-to-face -- eye-to-eye -- don't look down on them -- go to where they are and love them in that place -- regardless of the risk to your reputation or the risk to your physical well-being

 

    -- look back at the second part of verse 34

 

34. He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, took him to an inn and took care of him.

35. The next day he took out two silver coins and gave them to the innkeeper. `Look after him,' he said, `and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.'

 

-- the final lesson we learn here from the Good Samaritan is that we must spend whatever it takes -- there is always a cost to kindness -- but true kindness is going something for somebody else without expecting anything in return -- what did the Good Samaritan expect in return for his help? -- nothing

    -- this encounter cost him -- but he got nothing in return

    -- Jesus tells us that the Samaritan put the man on his own donkey -- took him to an inn -- and continued to care for him -- when he was leaving, he left two silver coins to pay for the continuing care of this man -- the Greek word here is "denarius," a coin that is worth a full day's salary -- when's the last time you spent two day's salary to help another person that you weren't related to?

    -- there is a cost to kindness -- whether it's financial or physical or spiritual -- to truly love someone else, you have to offer them a part of you -- just like the Samaritan did here with the beaten man -- and just like David Langerfeld continues to do with his wife

    -- so, why be kind? -- if it's just going to cost you, why would you do it in the first place? -- we are called to love in kindness because God was kind to us through Christ -- giving us atonement for our sins through Jesus' death and resurrection -- secondly, God blesses kindness -- kindness begets kindness -- kindness spreads the love of Christ in tangible ways -- from us to others and from others back to us

    -- kindness may have an immediate cost to us -- but God has already covered that cost through His grace and mercy and love

 

IV. Closing

    -- in closing, I would like to read you a quote from Charles Sheldon's book, "In His Steps", which started the "What would Jesus do?" movement

    -- in this book a tramp, a man without a home and without a job has been going from church to church looking for help, and in the last church in town he asks for permission to speak to the congregation. This is what he says right before he collapses on the altar and must be taken to the hospital:

    "I'm not an ordinary tramp, though I don't know of any teaching of Jesus that makes one kind of tramp less worth saving than another. Do you? I was wondering as I sat here tonight, if what you call following Jesus is the same thing as what He taught. What did you Christians mean by following the steps of Jesus?

    "I've tramped through this city for three days trying to find a job and in all that time I've not had a word of sympathy or comfort. What is meant by following Jesus? What do you mean when you sing "I'll go with Him, with Him, all the way? Do you mean that you are suffering and denying yourselves and trying to save lost, suffering humanity just as I understand Jesus did? What do you mean by it?

    "It seems to me there's an awful lot of trouble in the world that somehow wouldn't exist if all the people who sing such songs went and lived them out. I suppose I don't understand. But what would Jesus do?"

 

    -- this morning as we seek to learn how to love with patience and kindness, let's take a moment to consider if we are truly being examples of God's grace and love to others or if we're just passing the needy by like the priest and the Levite

    -- are we truly loving the Lord our God with all our heart and with all our soul and with all our strength and with all our mind? -- are we truly loving our neighbor as ourself? -- Are we truly loving with patience and kindness? -- with right attitudes and loving actions?

 

    -- this week, I want you to put this lesson into practice by selecting one person to love -- one person to reach out to -- and I want you to do something practical and tangible for them -- some act or some gift of love that meets a need in their life

    -- this means you'll have to see their needs -- you'll have to listen to their hearts -- and then you'll have to respond in patience and kindness

    -- it could be something like babysitting for a busy mom -- collecting and giving out food or clothes to a person in need -- sitting and praying with someone going through a crisis -- or welcoming a new neighbor with a welcome basket and a smile

    -- what you do is up to you -- but I want to challenge you to do something

 

    -- Brandon Heath has had the number one song, "Give Me Your Eyes," on the Christian charts for over four months now -- this morning, as we close in prayer, I'm going to offer up the chorus of that song as a prayer for us as we seek to respond to those around us in patience and kindness

    -- let's pray

 

    -- "Father God, we want to love others as you love us -- we want to be people who are patient -- who endure and persevere through trials and circumstances -- who demonstrate loving acts of kindness to all we meet

    -- Lord, you know how hard this is -- you know how difficult it is for us to love like this in our own strength -- so, this morning, God, give us your eyes for just one second -- give us your eyes so we can see everything that we keep missing -- give us your love for humanity

    -- give us your arms for the broken-hearted -- for the ones that are far beyond our reach -- give us your heart for the ones forgotten -- that we might love them as You love us