SERMON: Fireproof Sermon 3: Love for a Lifetime

FIREPROOF SERMON SERIES:

SERMON 3 -- LOVE FOR A LIFETIME

22 February 2009

 

I. Introduction

    -- turn in Bibles to Matthew 19

 

1. When Jesus had finished saying these things, he left Galilee and went into the region of Judea to the other side of the Jordan.

2. Large crowds followed him, and he healed them there.

3. Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?"

4. "Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator `made them male and female,'

5. and said, `For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh' ?

6. So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."

 

 

    -- I heard a story about these two little boys who were sitting in a wedding, watching what was going on, when one asked the other, "So, how many times can you get married? -- His friend whispered, "I'm not sure, but I think it's 16 times" -- "16? How do you know?"

    -- the second little boy said, "Well, I added it up -- when the preacher was going over their wedding vows, he said, "four better, four worse, four richer, four poorer -- that makes 16"

    -- the first little boy thought for a moment and said, "Oh. I wonder which type this marriage is going to be?"

 

    -- you know, for all of us who are married or who have been to weddings before and heard these words pronounced by the couple, we're always hoping for the better and richer ones -- very few people go into a wedding thinking it's going to be worse or poorer -- everyone who gets married walks out of the service to the cheers and claps of their friends and loved ones looking for the perfect life

    -- but, as we're all too aware, life is just not perfect -- no sooner is the honeymoon ended than real life begins -- and we find out that our lives aren't always lived better and richer -- we realize that there are times of worse and poorer, too -- and it's in those times that marriages are made or broken

 

    -- every time I do a wedding, I take the ring and hold it up and point out three things the rings should always represent to a married couple -- first, the ring is a perfect circle, representing the eternal quality of their love and their union together -- secondly, because the ring has been constructed in this way, it is equally strong at all points just as their marriage should be strong at all times -- lastly, I point out that their rings are made of gold or silver -- precious metals that speak to the purity and cost of their love -- all marriages begin with the purchase and exchange of a ring -- a sacrifice on the part of the buyers -- to remind the couple that their marriage will require more and greater sacrifices on their part along the way

    -- and then I hand the rings to them and ask them to put them on their spouse while they say their vows to each other, which always end, "as long as we both shall live"

 

    -- this morning, we're continuing in our series based on the movie "Fireproof" -- throughout this series, we've been learning how to fireproof the relationships in our lives -- this morning, we're going to talk about fireproofing the most important relationship of all -- your marriage

    -- if you're not married, I hope that you'll pay careful attention to this message, because what we're going to learn will make a huge difference in any future marriage if you decide to enter into one

 

    -- as you probably remember from the movie, "Fireproof," Caleb and Catherine -- the main characters in the movie -- are starting down the road to divorce -- they've reached that point in their lives when they've looked around and found out that their lives aren't turning out like they expected -- their dreams are tarnished -- and the only answer appears to be to quit

    -- in this clip, Caleb explains to his friend, Michael, that the marriage is probably through -- Michael responds, "I've seen you run into a burning building to save people you don't even know, but you're going to let your own marriage burn to the ground."

    -- let's watch the clip    [Watch Video Clip #3]

 

II. The Story of Robertson and Muriel McQuilken

    -- a few years ago, I heard the story of Robertson McQuilken, the president of the Columbia Bible College and Seminary in Columbia, SC and his wife Muriel

    -- Robertson and Muriel were living the typical life of a college president and wife -- attending to the college -- entertaining in their home -- enjoying life with their grown children -- but Robertson started to suspect something was wrong when they were vacationing in Florida and Muriel told the same story to the couple next to them that she had told them just five minutes before

    -- as time progressed, Robertson began to notice several other indicators that things weren't right -- his wife was having difficulty planning menus -- painting portraits -- and remembering people's names -- a visit to the doctor's confirmed what he suspected -- Muriel was in the early stages of Alzheimer's

    -- although Muriel seemed unaware of her mental regression, Robertson said that his life became like a slow death as he watched the vibrant, creative, and articulate person that he knew and loved gradually dimming out

    -- Robertson wrote, "As she needed more and more of me, I wrestled daily with the question of who gets me full-time-Muriel or Columbia Bible College and Seminary? Dr. Tabor advised me not to make any decision based on my desire to see Muriel stay contented. "Make your plans apart from that question. Whether or not you can be successful in your dreams for the college and seminary, I cannot judge, but I can tell you now, you will not be successful with Muriel.""

    -- modern society, though, told him something different -- all over America, people end relationships because their needs are not being met -- not happy in your marriage? -- get a divorce -- spouse not meeting your sexual needs? -- get a divorce -- having financial problems? -- get a divorce -- spouse gets sick? -- things are harder than you expected? -- life is more difficult than you signed up for? -- get a divorce

    -- Robertson heard the counsel of his family and friends -- he listened to the wisdom of the world -- and when the time came, his decision was firm -- it took no great calculation -- it was a matter of integrity -- 42 years before, Robertson and Muriel had stood together in a church just like this, looked into each other's eyes -- and vowed, "in sickness and in health...till death do us part"

    -- his decision was final -- he resigned from his position and became Muriel's full-time caregiver -- supporting her in her sickness and in her failing memory

    -- Robertson wrote, "This was no grim duty to which I stoically resigned, however. -- It was only fair. -- She had, after all, cared for me for almost four decades with marvelous devotion; now it was my turn. -- And such a partner she was! -- If I took care of her for 40 years, I would never be out of her debt. -- She is such a delight to me -- I don't have to care for her, I get to"

    -- what a picture of marriage -- what a picture of love -- what an inspiration for all of us who seek to love as God intended

 

III. Scripture Lesson

    -- let's look back at this passage of Scripture again and see what Jesus had to say about God's intent in human marriage -- before we do, let me give you the context so you'll understand how this excerpt fits into the whole

    -- as this passage opens, Jesus is making his final journey to Jerusalem to face the cross -- He has left Galilee and is now crossing through Judea when He is confronted by a group of Pharisees who were trying to test Him and catch Him saying something that would get Jesus in trouble with either the temple and the High Priest or with the Romans

 

 

    -- look back at verse 1

 

1. When Jesus had finished saying these things, he left Galilee and went into the region of Judea to the other side of the Jordan.

2. Large crowds followed him, and he healed them there.

3. Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?"

 

    -- now, there is a reason that the Pharisees chose the topic of divorce to try to trip Jesus up -- you see, Judea was ruled by Herod Antipas -- he was the son of Herod the Great -- the king who killed all the Hebrew babies in Bethlehem at the time of Jesus' birth

    -- this Herod is the one who had John the Baptist beheaded because John criticized his marriage to Herodias, who was his niece and the wife of his half-brother Philip -- the Pharisees were probably hoping that they could get Jesus to condemn this illegitimate marriage of Herod and Herodias and that He would be arrested and executed, just like John the Baptist

    -- so, they come to Jesus and ask Him a loaded question -- "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?"

    -- notice that the question is not, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife," but instead, "Can a man divorce his wife for any and every reason?"

    -- during the time of Christ, divorce was legal among the Jews -- in the book of Deuteronomy, a provision had been put into the law that allowed a man to divorce his wife if she was found to be indecent in his eyes

    -- so the real question that the Pharisees were asking Jesus, hoping to get Him to condemn Herod, was what defined indecency -- in other words, can a man divorce his woman for any and all reasons or are there specific reasons that are lawful? -- the hidden question, then, was, "Did Herod break the law by marrying Herodias?"

 

    -- but Jesus knew what they were really asking and He knew why they were asking it -- look at His response -- verse 4

 

4. "Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator `made them male and female,'

5. and said, `For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh' ?

6. So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."

 

    -- just as He did with the beatitudes -- just as He did with all of His teachings -- Jesus took the issue back to the heart of the matter

    -- "Why are you even asking about divorce -- don't you know that this is not the way it was at the beginning, when the Father created marriage?"

    -- marriage is a holy and sacred union of two people in the eyes of God -- when two people come together -- when a man leaves his father and mother and cleaves to his wife -- they are no longer two, but now they are one

    -- they are joined together by God -- He has bonded them one to the other -- so, when the Pharisees come to Jesus and try to trip Him up on the issue of lawful divorce, Jesus responds by saying, "Why are you even talking about divorce? -- Why are you even considering separating what God has joined?"

    -- the point Jesus is trying to make with the Pharisees is this -- God established marriage as a covenantal relationship between two people -- why are you trying to make it into a contract that you can break for any and every reason?

 

    -- you know, if I had to point to any one thing as a contributing factor in the divorce epidemic that we have in our churches and in our countries today, it would be the misunderstanding we have concerning whether marriage is a covenant or a contract

    -- we see the word "covenant" used a lot in Scripture -- a covenant is the strongest relationship that is possible -- when someone is desiring to make a lasting relationship with someone else, they could enter into a covenant with them

    -- a covenant is a little bit like a contract, except that it is a unilateral binding promise that you make to another -- in a contract, both parties agree to do something based upon what the other party does or doesn't do -- for instance, if you sign a contract to buy a car, you are saying that you will give the car dealer money and he will give you a car -- if either of you fails to live up to the terms of the contract -- for instance if you give the dealer money but they refuse to give you the car -- you can take them to court -- the contract is valid only if the other person keeps up their end of the bargain -- contracts can be broken

-- a covenant, on the other hand, exists when a binding promise is made that is kept regardless of what the other person does or doesn't do -- usually, a covenant involves a promise made by both parties, but it doesn't have to -- when God made the covenant with Noah to never flood the world again, Noah did not make a binding promise back to God -- this was a one-sided promise by God to all mankind

-- most covenants, though, involve both parties making promises to the other -- this is what happens at a wedding

-- when you marry someone, you are making a vow -- you are promising -- that you will live with that person regardless of the circumstances -- richer or poorer -- better or worse -- in sickness and in health -- till death do you part -- your part in the covenant should not depend on them and whether they keep the covenant or not

-- this is the reason why Robertson McQuilken stayed with his wife Muriel -- giving up his vocation and his dreams and his goals -- because he had vowed -- he had promised -- he had made a covenant with her that he would love her and take care of her, come what may

-- that meant that he didn't quit on her when times got tough -- that meant he didn't quit on her when he didn't feel loved -- that meant that he didn't quit on her when she got sick -- he had entered a covenant with her that said he would love her regardless

 

IV. Seasons of Marriage

-- as I have done more and more premarital counseling, I have found this is the one area that I spend most of my time on now -- I take time to explain to this young couple sitting in front of me that their marriage is going to go through phases -- that they won't always be as "in love" as they are right now -- but that the vows that they are going to make -- the covenant that they are going to enter into -- is going to require them to love and to stay with each other regardless

-- all marriages go through seasons -- nobody gets a cakewalk -- that's just not how life works -- like the rotation of the earth, marriages move through stages that are predictable -- most experts say that there are four of them, one following the next -- the difference between a successful marriage and a divorce comes down to how you go through these seasons

-- real quickly, let me go through these four seasons with you and then we'll close by sharing three great skills of life-time lovers

 

-- the first season of marriage is called Romance -- this is that area that I call being "in love" -- during romance, all is right with the world -- Women lose weight and men lose money. -- She'd rather spend time thinking about him than eating -- he'd rather spend money on her than pay the rent

    -- Romance is the season that all the love songs are written about -- remember that song that Michael Bolton had such a big hit with, "When a man loves a woman?" -- the chorus says,"When a man loves a woman, he can't keep his mind on nothin' else."

    -- that's it -- that's the romance season -- your whole world revolves around your partner and nothing can distract you from loving them or thinking the best about them

 

    -- For most Americans, this romantic stage lasts right up to somewhere between the "I now pronounce you man and wife," and the first time he leaves the toilet seat up or the first time she says, "I was too tired to cook anything so I bought you a TV dinner." -- At this point, one or both parties look in the mirror and quietly say, "I guess the honeymoon is over."

 

    -- psychologists tell us that romantic feelings of infatuation wear off, on average, about 2 ½ years into any relationship. -- And then you know what you're left with? -- reality

 

    -- That's the second season of a marriage -- reality is what sets in when romance wears off.

 

    -- Suddenly, one or both parties realizes that the object of their pursuit, the person of their dreams, the individual they feared they could never attain… is now someone they can never get rid of -- They begin to think, "Now that I have this relationship, what do I do with it?" -- It's like the dog that's been chasing cars for years and one day he catches one. "Now what do I do?" he says.

    -- at this point in a marriage, the two people who were so much "in love" in that Romance season now have to discover how to choose to love for a lifetime -- choosing to love is what reality is all about --choosing to love is what makes a marriage a covenant and not a contract

 

    -- which brings us to the third season -- resentment -- or, as I like to call it, the crisis of relationship -- During the resentment phase, the one who was once the object of our affection now becomes the target of our frustration.

 

    -- in this season, it's easy to blame the spouse for all the evils in the world, even if they are only remotely connected to the problem -- If there are financial stresses, it's her fault because she spends too much -- Or it's his fault, because he makes too little

    -- If there is friction, he started it, or she was too sensitive. -- the other person is always to blame because it's not your fault -- as Caleb said in the movie, "I am not a perfect person, but I'm better than most. And if my marriage is failing, it is not all my fault."

    -- It's during this resentment phase that character is tested and the need for love -- true love -- comes into play -- really for the first time in the marriage

 

    -- it's at this stage that most divorces occur -- it's at this stage that the decision to love has to be made if a marriage is to remain -- the love that is needed in this season isn't human love -- it's the love that we talked about in our last sermon -- the agape, unconditional love that God gave us and that He calls for us to shower on others -- marriages are only going to survive the trials of reality and resentment through the unconditional love of God pouring out from one partner to another

 

    -- finally, marriages go through a rebuilding season -- this is the season when marriages are strengthened -- when a couple goes from being infatuated with each other and become truly and deeply in love -- this is when they experience the love that sustains through the hard times as well as the good -- when they choose to love each other regardless of what the other spouse does

    -- it is in this season that we need to practice three great skills to ensure a lifetime of love and marriage with our spouse

 

    -- I know I've run out of time, so real quick, let me just list these for you -- we've talked about all of these before, but if you've got any questions or need something else, just let me know and I'll try to get more information to you

 

    -- the first skill is remembering -- remembering that men and women are different and adapting accordingly -- this is what we talked about in our first sermon in this series -- if you missed it, I want to encourage you to go back and take a look at it

    -- the second skill is asking and granting forgiveness -- the heart of a covenantal relationship is forgiveness -- not overlooking what the other person has done -- but forgiving them for it anyway -- loving them in spite of the wrong and asking them to love you in spite of what you have done

    -- the last skill is the most important of all -- it is deciding to love and to keep on loving -- it is the conscious decision to love your spouse unconditionally -- to shower them with God's agape love -- to stay with them and love them in better and in worse -- through richer and poorer -- in sickness and in health

    -- it is the decision to love for a lifetime

 

    -- One of the biggest misunderstandings about marriage in our day is that people think marriage is based on love, and that love is a feeling -- Love isn't a feeling, it's an action -- It's a way of acting -- it's something that you choose to do

    -- The Bible's most famous passage on love, 1 Corinthians 13, says that love is patient, kind, not envious, not boastful, not proud, not rude, not self-seeking, not easily-angered. It says that it doesn't keep score, doesn't secretly like it when someone has something bad happen to them -- it says that love is the truth, it always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always hangs in there. -- That's God's description of love.

    -- now let me ask you -- What part of that is based on emotions? -- None of it -- It's all based on decision -- To love is a decision -- to love is choice -- to love means that you hang in there, even when happily ever after isn't happening -- even when the worse days outweigh the better -- when the poor times are greater than the richer -- when there's sickness more than health

    -- I promise, we're closing now -- but before I pray, let me share with you that I've got another Love Dare for you this week -- we'll have it at the back door for you on the way out

    -- let's pray