SERMON: 40 Days of Love: Love is not Selfish

40 DAYS OF LOVE SERMON SERIES:

LOVE IS NOT SELFISH

15 March 2009

 

 

I. Introduction

    -- turn in Bibles to 1 Corinthians 13

 

4. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

5. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

6. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

7. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8. Love never fails.

 

    -- this morning, as we continue on our series on the 40 Days of Love, our key verse is verse 5, specifically the part of that verse where the Apostle Paul tells us that love is not self-seeking -- or, to put that in other words, love is not selfish

 

    -- selfishness goes against everything that Jesus taught, but we are currently living in the most self-conscious society that has ever existed -- people are more concerned about themselves and their happiness than at any point in history -- especially, the younger generations

    -- you've heard about the "Me" generation? -- that's what we're living right now -- looking at our society as a whole, we are seeing an entire generation -- an entire culture -- that puts the needs of the individual first -- that doesn't understand the concept of duty or sacrifice before self -- the focus is all on "Me" -- we are the "I" generation -- I-phones -- I-pods -- even the Army had the slogan a few years ago, "An Army of One" -- and guess who the "One" was? -- yeah, me -- it's all about "I" and "me" and "mine"

    -- I look around at what's going on and I'm reminded of that song from Toby Keith from a few years ago, "I want to talk about me" -- "I want to talk about me, I want to talk about I, want to talk about number one -- Oh my me my -- What I think -- what I like -- what I know -- what I want -- what I see -- I like talking about you, usually, but occasionally, I want to talk about me."

 

    -- just walk into any bookstore -- look at the New York Times Bestseller List -- and see what's flying off the shelves -- see what people are reading today -- what you'll find is that everyone is obsessed with self -- one of the largest sections you'll find in a bookstore now is the "self-improvement" section -- look at the magazines and see how many are focused on self-health and self-improvement and self-growth -- there's even a magazine simply called, "Self"

    -- one of the most popular websites in the country is called, "Self-growth" -- touting itself as the comprehensive self-improvement encyclopedia for the web -- we are a culture focused on ourselves -- we are a selfish generation

 

    -- in the past 10 years, we've had this proliferation of social networking sites -- it started out with a site called, curiously, "My Space" -- from there it's gone to Facebook and other sites where the focus is on self -- you create a homepage that's all about you -- what you like -- what you are doing -- what is important to you -- and in a classic example of Narcissism, you expect people to just come and view your site because you are that important -- you are so important that people just need to know what you are doing and what you think

    -- and now, the newest thing to hit the technological scene is "Twitter" -- anyone in here "Twitter?" -- it's becoming the hottest thing in the country -- according to the Twitter website, "Twitter is a service for friends, family, and co-workers to communicate and stay through the exchange of quick, frequent answers to one simple question: what are you doing?"

    -- the concept is that throughout the day, you constantly write up little "tweets" that answer that question, "What am I doing at this moment?" -- and you invite people to join your Twitter feed so that they can focus on you and what you are doing throughout the day

    -- as Toby Keith said, "It's all about me -- it's all about "I""

 

    -- after years of counseling people and talking with them about relationships, especially marriage relationships, I have come to the conclusion that most of the problems in a relationship come back to the fact that someone in the relationship is focusing too much on "self" and not enough on the other person -- they're focusing too much on their wants -- their needs -- their happiness -- their dreams -- and if they're not being self-fulfilled in this relationship, then the easy answer is to get out and start another one

    -- the Bible teaches that you can't be selfish and loving at the same time -- and if the focus of your relationship is "you" rather than the other person, it is doomed for failure -- Rick Warren says that "selfishness is a poison to relationships"

    -- when you focus on "Me" and "I," you are telling the world -- and telling those that you love -- that you are greater or more important than them

 

II. Scripture Lesson (Matthew 20:20-28)

    -- unfortunately, the church is not immune from this focus on self -- a lot of preachers and teachers and churches focus on self and improving self over Christ's clear call to deny ourselves and put others above us -- and even though the church is the one place where you should never see politics or exaltation among members, that is exactly what we see time and time again as members try to take on the more important roles or try to get their agendas pushed forward at the expense of others

    -- we see the same thing happening here in the Bible among Jesus' first followers -- if you would, turn with me to Matthew 20 and let's look at a passage here where some of Jesus' disciples tried to promote themselves and their interests above the interests of others

 

    -- look down with me now at verse 20

 

20. Then the mother of Zebedee's sons came to Jesus with her sons and, kneeling down, asked a favor of him.

 

    -- Jesus had just announced to His disciples that they were going to Jerusalem to fulfill the purpose of His coming -- He was to offer Himself as a sacrifice for others and then would be raised from the dead on the third day into glory

    -- missing the whole point of what Jesus had said -- missing the whole point of what Jesus was going to do -- namely, that He was demonstrating obedience and sacrifice and duty above self -- the mother of James and John, the sons of Zebedee, came to Jesus and knelt down and worshiped Him -- but notice that her worship came at a price -- she worshiped Jesus because she wanted something from Him

    -- how many times do we do that? -- how many times do we come and worship Jesus, not because of who He is -- not because of what He has done for us -- but because we want Him to do something else? -- how many times do we put "self" on the throne of worship while giving lip-service to Jesus?

 

    -- verse 21

 

21. "What is it you want?" he asked. She said, "Grant that one of these two sons of mine may sit at your right and the other at your left in your kingdom."

 

-- Jesus saw right through her motives -- "What is it you want?" He asked -- how discouraging it must have been for Him to have to ask that question -- here He was, about to give all -- about to offer up His body and His blood on the cross -- about to endure the shame of the cross and to become sin and bear that sin on the cross of punishment for others -- and here Zebedee's wife has come seeking to promote her sons

    -- "put one of my sons on your right and one on your left when you come into your kingdom" -- in other words, "exalt my sons -- make them the greatest in your kingdom outside of you -- let them be greater than all the rest"

    -- now, don't forget -- Zebedee's wife wasn't doing this on her own -- James and John were right there with her -- this was a plan -- this was something that the three of them worked out together and brought to Jesus so that they would be exalted -- so that they would be the greatest in the Kingdom

    -- do you see what they're doing here? -- for three years, James and John had lived in a close group with the other disciples and Jesus -- they had been taught how to love -- they had seen Jesus give of Himself time and time again on behalf of others -- but here, as their journey is nearing its end -- as they're going up to Jerusalem for the last time -- selfishness takes over -- and they come to Jesus and ask Him to promote them above all the rest

 

    -- verse 22

 

22. "You don't know what you are asking," Jesus said to them. "Can you drink the cup I am going to drink?" "We can," they answered.

23. Jesus said to them, "You will indeed drink from my cup, but to sit at my right or left is not for me to grant. These places belong to those for whom they have been prepared by my Father."

 

-- Jesus says, "You don't know what you're asking" -- how can you have missed the point? -- how can you have missed the heart of my teaching? -- it's not about exalting yourself -- it's not about promoting yourself -- this is not how you become great in the Kingdom

 

    -- verse 24

 

24. When the ten heard about this, they were indignant with the two brothers.

 

-- when the other disciples heard what James and John had done, Matthew says that they were "indignant" -- they were upset -- they were not happy -- why?

    -- well, for one thing, because none of them had thought of it -- think about what we know of Peter and the others -- don't you think they would have asked Jesus to be promoted if they had thought of it first?

    -- secondly, they were upset with James and John's request because every one of them -- in their hearts -- believed that they were more capable -- more deserving -- than James and John

    -- even after three years of being with Jesus, the disciples were still a selfish lot -- putting self above others

    -- verse 25

 

25. Jesus called them together and said, "You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them.

26. Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant,

27. and whoever wants to be first must be your slave--

28. just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many."

 

-- so, Jesus called the 12 over to Him and explained to them, once again, what it meant to be great in the Kingdom -- "whoever wants to be great, must be a servant -- they must be a slave to the others" -- in other words, those who are great are those who deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me in the path of sacrifice and slavery and servanthood

    -- if you want to be great, don't try to exalt yourself -- if you want to be great, put others' needs and wants and desires above your own -- if you want to be great, don't focus on yourself -- focus instead on serving those around you and promoting their interests above your own

 

    -- right now, our country is in the midst of one of the worst economic crises that we have ever faced -- and if you get down to the heart of it, you'll quickly see that it was caused by nothing more than selfishness -- by greed -- by people wanting to get rich and to meet their own needs and wants and desires at the expense of others

    -- and our Government's response has been similar -- rather than going to Washington to serve the people -- rather than going to Washington to put sacrifice and duty above self -- we have politicians who are exalting themselves and promoting their own self-interests and pork-barrel projects at the expense of those around them

    -- can you imagine what our country would be like if we turned from an "I" and a "Me" generation to a "You" generation? -- can you imagine what a difference it would make if we would just follow Jesus' words here in this passage? -- if we would just follow His example? -- if we would just let ourselves decrease in importance in our eyes and live to serve others -- in all of our relationships -- in all of our business dealings?

    -- can you imagine what our churches could do if we truly lived out Christ's call to deny ourselves and follow Him down this path?

    -- our relationships and our whole lives have been poisoned by the seed of selfishness -- it goes all the way back to the Garden of Eden when Adam and Eve ate of the forbidden fruit because they selfishly desired to be greater than they should have been -- and ever since then, selfishness has been like a disease running rampant through our bodies and minds

    -- the question before us then -- as we seek to move into deeper and truer loving relationships with others -- is how do we fight this disease of selfishness -- what are the antidotes to selfishness in our lives?

 

III. Antidotes to Selfishness

    1. The first antidote to selfishness is to build strong relationships with other people -- love gets the focus off you and on someone else -- remember the phase of love that we call being "in love" -- that's the phase of love when our entire focus is on the other person -- instead of our wants -- our needs -- our desires -- the focus is on them and what we can do for them

    -- this needs to be the standard model for all our relationships -- we need to build relationships so our focus is on others -- best place to do that is in the church, among people who are also trying to live out Christ's commands to put others above self

    -- it's all about focusing on others -- did you know that the Bible uses the term "one another" 58 times? -- "love one another" -- "serve one another" -- "wash the feet of one another" -- time and time again, we are told to put others above us -- and you do this, not in Sunday worship, but through living out Christ's call in all your relationships

 

    2. The second antidote to selfishness is to give yourself away -- as Jesus told His disciples, you do this through ministry -- by becoming the servant and slaves of others -- the Greek word that we translate as "minister" in the Bible literally means "service"

    -- service to others helps you quit thinking about yourself and start thinking about those around you -- Jesus is calling us to the place where we give ourselves away for the benefit of others -- you never find fulfillment in living for yourself -- you only find fulfillment in giving your life away

    -- Ephesians 2:10 says that we were created in Christ Jesus to do good works -- we were created to serve others -- to give ourselves away and to spend our lives in helping others

 

    3. The third antidote to selfishness is to practice self-denial -- this runs counter to all the culture is telling us -- the world tells us it's all about us -- we should promote ourselves -- improve ourselves -- help ourselves -- focus on ourselves

    -- Jesus says we should deny ourselves and take up our cross and follow Him -- we have talked many times about agape love in here -- that unconditional love that flows from the Father to us and from us to others -- agape love says that we put others above us -- we deny ourselves -- we make our wants and needs and desires less important so that we can show love to others unconditionally -- what is important, Jesus says, is not me or I but you -- it's the person next to us that we are called to love -- not ourselves

    -- that's why the Bible teaches that true love is unselfish -- that is what the Bible tells us when it says, "For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son" -- God put aside His wants and desires and wishes -- He who knew no sin became sin for us and died on the cross in our place -- He denied Himself so that we might experience His agape love in our lives

 

IV. Closing

    -- I heard a story one day about this little boy and his sister who were riding a rocking horse together -- finally, the boy said, "If one of us would get off this rocking horse, there would be more room for me"

    -- that, my friends, is the definition of selfishness -- that is the way of the world -- that is the current focus of our "Me" generation with all its ills and vices

    -- as I close this morning, let me encourage you to choose a different way -- a better way -- instead of saying, like the little boy, "If one of us would get off this rocking horse, there would be more room for me" -- let's make a conscious effort this week to say, "Let me deny myself -- let me get off, so there'll be more room for you"

    -- love is not selfish -- love is not self-seeking -- love always promotes others above self -- that is the message of the Bible -- and that is the message of Jesus for us today

 

    -- let us pray