FIREPROOF SERMON SERIES:
SERMON 5-- FORGIVENESS
15 March 2009
I. Introduction
-- turn in Bibles to Matthew 18
21. Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"
22. Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.
23. "Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants.
24. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him.
25. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.
26. "The servant fell on his knees before him. `Be patient with me,' he begged, `and I will pay back everything.'
27. The servant's master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.
28. "But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii. He grabbed him and began to choke him. `Pay back what you owe me!' he demanded.
29. "His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, `Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.'
30. "But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt.
31. When the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told their master everything that had happened.
32. "Then the master called the servant in. `You wicked servant,' he said, `I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to.
33. Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?'
34. In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.
35. "This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart."
-- you know, there are some people I just don't understand -- they seem to walk in a different world than me -- they seem to be filled with a strength that I don't possess -- with knowledge that I can never gain -- with a heart and the capacity to love that I will never measure up to
-- in my life, I have seen these people myself -- I have read stories about people who were like them -- and every time I come into contact with them -- either through knowing them myself or hearing about their stories -- I am amazed and fascinated by their capacity to love and to live out their faith
-- as you could probably guess from the passage that we opened with, I am talking about those people who have suffered a grievous wrong in their life but who still found it possible to totally and completely forgive the person or persons who wronged them
-- remember a couple of years ago when Charles Roberts went into a one-room Amish schoolhouse in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania and took the children hostage -- eventually killing five girls between the ages of 6 and 13 before he committed suicide
-- for weeks, the nation was fascinated with this story -- not so much the horrific story of the events in the schoolhouse, but the story of how the Amish parents and the Amish community responded with forgiveness and love to the Roberts family in the aftermath of the event
-- how would you have responded? -- what if it was your family -- your children -- your grandchildren -- that were killed? -- I shudder to think what the response of my heart might be
-- but the Amish responded with forgiveness and reconciliation to the Roberts family -- immediately after the shooting, Jack Meyer, a member of the Brethren community living near the Amish in Lancaster County, explained: "I don't think there's anybody here that wants to do anything but forgive and not only reach out to those who have suffered a loss in that way but to reach out to the family of the man who committed these acts." [Wikipedia: Amish School Shooting]
-- hours after the shooting, members of the Amish community visited Roberts' widow, parents, and in-laws and extended forgiveness to them -- "One Amish man held Roberts' sobbing father in his arms, reportedly for as long as an hour, to comfort him" and 30 members of the Amish community actually attended the funeral of the man who had killed their children
-- Marie Roberts, the widow of the killer, wrote a letter to her Amish neighbors thanking them for their forgiveness, grace, and mercy. -- She wrote, "Your love for our family has helped to provide the healing we so desperately need. Gifts you've given have touched our hearts in a way no words can describe. Your compassion has reached beyond our family, beyond our community, and is changing our world, and for this we sincerely thank you."[Wikipedia: Amish School Shooting]
-- how can we explain such selfless love and forgiveness -- how is this even possible? -- truthfully, it isn't, apart from the love of Christ Jesus -- it is only through the agape love of Christ -- it is only after experiencing the forgiveness from God for all of the sins that we have committed that we are even remotely capable of forgiving in a similar manner
-- we've been going through this series called, "Fireproofing Our Relationships," for some time now -- we've talked about ways to strengthen our relationships and I've give you challenges each week to help you build on the skills we talked about
-- this morning, I want to talk to you about the one of the most important skills and actions involved in successful relationships, friendships, and marriages -- that skill is forgiveness -- great relationships are forged in the fire with the tongs of love and forgiveness -- this morning, I want to show you a better way to forgive
-- we've talked about forgiveness before -- and we'll talk about it again -- because forgiving is not easy -- when we're called on to forgive someone, it's not because they did something that doesn't really matter -- you never have to forgive someone for helping you or making you smile or making you feel good -- no, the only time you have to forgive is when you've been hurt -- and no hurt is a small matter
-- to have successful relationships, we have to learn to forgive -- we have to learn to love so much that we can forgive the hurts that we have received
-- sometimes, we even have to forgive when the other person doesn't come to us asking for forgiveness -- this is why the concept of a covenant relationship is so important -- a covenant relationship says that you will love regardless of what the other person does -- that means even if they don't love you back as you deserve -- that means even if they wrong you or hurt you -- you will love them -- and that means you will forgive them for what they have done
-- this is not easy -- and that is why stories like that of the Amish so capture our imagination and our attention -- because in our heart of hearts, we long to have a forgiving nature like them
-- forgiveness in a relationship not only means forgiving the other person for any wrongs they might have committed against us -- it also means that we recognize the times that we hurt them -- whether intentionally or unintentionally -- and that we come to them in humbleness and apologize and ask for their forgiveness
-- in this clip that we're about to see, you're going to see one of the best apologies that you'll ever witness in a movie -- after weeks of trying to restore his marriage, Caleb Holt asks his wife to forgive him -- watch this.. [Show Clip 5]
II. The Requirement to Forgive
-- let's look again at what the Bible has to say about forgiveness
-- before we turn to the passage again, let me give you the context -- this passage is found within a larger teaching by Jesus on sin and forgiveness from sin -- Jesus begins by warning His disciples to avoid sin and to be careful that their actions don't lead anyone else into sin -- especially children and little ones in the faith -- "Don't be the person who causes someone else to fall," He tells them -- and then He turns to the subject of forgiveness
-- first, Jesus talks about how the Father forgives all of those who have sinned against Him -- He tells them the parable of the lost sheep and says that God will not let even one sinner get away without offering His forgiveness -- His forgiveness is so great that He'll leave the 99 to go get the one who has wandered off
-- and then, Jesus teaches His disciples that they should forgive that way as well -- "when someone sins against you," He says, "work it out between you -- offer God's forgiveness to them and forgive them of what they have done"
-- which brings us to verse 21 and Peter's question on the subject of forgiveness
-- look now at verse 21
21. Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"
-- now Peter has been standing there listening to all of Jesus' teachings on sin and forgiveness -- and it seems like he just wants to puff himself up before the others -- he's trying to establish himself as the leader and as the one who really gets it -- who really understands what Jesus has been saying -- so he turns to Jesus and asks, "how many times should I forgive someone who sins against me -- even up to seven times?"
-- you get the sense that Peter is fishing for a compliment -- I think that he hoped that Jesus would praise him for his question -- you see, the Talmud -- the teachings of the rabbis based on the Old Testament law -- the Talmud said that you only had to forgive someone three times -- the fourth time, it was up to you how to respond -- you could forgive them or you could hold it against them
-- Peter is, in essence, saying to Jesus -- "Look how holy and forgiving I am -- I would forgive someone not just three times -- but all the way up to seven times -- isn't that the right way to do it?"
-- but look at Jesus' response -- verse 22
22. Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.
-- you can almost sense the humor in Jesus' reply -- "Peter, not seven times but seventy-seven times" -- some translations say "seventy times seven times" -- this was an enormous number -- the only way you could do that would be to carry a book around with you and keep track of how many times someone wronged you
-- what would happen in a marriage if you kept a list of how many times that you were hurt by your spouse? -- how long would it take to get to 77? -- it probably wouldn't take long -- especially when you consider how different men and women are -- how we look at things differently -- there are many times that we probably hurt each other unintentionally simply because we are different people
-- and if you reached 77 times that you forgave them, what would you do? -- quit? -- get a divorce?
-- Jesus was trying to make a point -- your forgiveness to others should be like the Father's -- the Father doesn't keep track of how many times you sin and how many times you come before Him -- He doesn't quit forgiving you at three or seven or seventy-seven -- He forgives every time -- and so should you -- in other words, Jesus is saying, "don't limit your forgiveness but let it flow out of your heart without ceasing"
III. Parable of Forgiveness
-- Jesus made that perfectly clear in the parable that He told right after He spoke to Peter -- look at verse 23
23. "Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants.
-- every sin that we commit is a debt to God -- as David said in Psalm 51, "Against you and you only have I sinned" -- all of our sins are stacking up against us as a debt against God -- borrowing against His mercy -- and at some point, that debt is going to have to be paid -- He's going to settle His accounts with us
-- verse 24
24. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him.
-- stop right there -- ten thousand talents in today's money would be somewhere between one and ten million dollars -- we're talking about a lot of money here that this servant owed the king
-- that's like our sins -- they grow larger and larger and larger until they reach an amount that we never could hope to repay
-- verse 25
25. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.
26. "The servant fell on his knees before him. `Be patient with me,' he begged, `and I will pay back everything.'
27. The servant's master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.
-- the king looked at the man and understood his hopeless situation -- there was no way to work off the debt, try as he might -- and so the king had pity on the man and showed mercy and grace
-- mercy -- not giving him what he deserved -- not selling the man and his wife and his children into slavery to repay the debt like he deserved -- and grace -- giving him what he did not deserve -- wiping the man's debt totally clean -- marking the account "paid in full"
-- what a beautiful picture of the forgiveness of the King -- of the mercy and the grace of God through Christ Jesus -- forgiving us a debt so great that we could never hope to repay it -- no matter how long we worked -- no matter how many sacrifices we made
-- verse 28
28. "But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii. He grabbed him and began to choke him. `Pay back what you owe me!' he demanded.
29. "His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, `Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.'
30. "But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt.
-- now this fellow who has been forgiven a debt of over one million dollars goes out and finds a fellow servant who owes him only a hundred denarii -- that's less than $100 -- and he demands that the servant pay him back immediately -- and when he can't, he has him thrown into prison until the debt is paid back in full
-- the one who was shown mercy has shows none to another -- the one who was shown grace offers none to another
-- verse 31
31. When the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told their master everything that had happened.
32. "Then the master called the servant in. `You wicked servant,' he said, `I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to.
33. Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?'
34. In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.
-- the master calls this man a "wicked" servant -- not wicked because he had accrued a debt of over a million dollars -- but wicked because he has refused to show mercy to another
-- after being forgiven so great a debt, how could this man not forgive such a lesser debt owed him? -- and so the king has the man thrown into prison to be tortured until he can pay back all of the money he originally owed
-- now look at Jesus' final summary of this parable and of all His teachings on the topic of forgiveness -- verse 35
35. "This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart."
-- this parable makes it clear -- as a Christian, we have a duty to forgive -- it is not a choice, but a requirement -- if we are going to enjoy the forgiveness of God for the sins that we have committed against Him, then we have to extend His forgiveness to those who sin against us -- to those who hurt us -- especially to those we are in a relationship with
III. Steps to Forgiveness
-- In his tape LIVING FAITH (Random House Audio Books, 1996), President Jimmy Carter shares that forgiveness is fundamental to his life -- He says that without the knowledge that he can be forgiven, it would be impossible for him to face his own shortcomings -- This even includes forgiving himself
-- Jimmy points out that both he and his wife, Rosalyn, are "strong-willed" people who find it difficult to admit being at fault -- so one day, after a knock-down drag-out argument with his wife, Jimmy decided that he would never let another day end with each of them angry with the other
-- he went out to his wood shop and cut a thin piece of walnut, a little smaller than a bank check -- On it, he carved the words, "Every evening -- forever -- this plaque is good for an apology or forgiveness, whatever you desire." -- he went in and gave it to Rosalyn and told her that he was sorry
-- with this plaque, Jimmy created a climate of forgiveness between the two of them -- because he knew that she would forgive him, he said that he was quick to admit his faults -- and because he knew that she would forgive him when he hurt her, he was also quick to forgive her when she had done something wrong to him
-- so, how do we create this climate of forgiveness in our own relationships? -- how does this work in the real world?
-- real quick, I want to lead you through the process of forgiveness -- and as we go through this, keep in mind that this is a process -- you might forgive someone today for hurting you and then find you're still angry with them tomorrow -- that's o.k. -- that's natural -- that's human nature -- if that's the case, then just go back through the steps again -- how ever many times you need to -- until you find that you have truly and completely forgiven the person who wronged you
-- don't worry about writing these down -- I've got them printed out for you and you can pick them up as a reminder on the way out of the door -- I'm going to do this fast, so hang on with me
-- so, how do I forgive?
1. MAKE A DECISION TO FORGIVE.
-- If you wait until you feel like forgiving, you'll never get there. Being hurt is an emotional event, and emotions don't heal by themselves. They heal with the help of your will. First, make a decision to forgive. Later, your feelings will follow.
-- a few years ago I was hurt by a man who misread, misunderstood and misjudged me -- he even filed a complaint against me at work and said all kind of hurtful things about me and my actions -- and I realized that I was resentful -- I was harboring hatred in my heart against this man -- and I needed to forgive him -- but I didn't know how -- I didn't know where he was and I couldn't call him and talk to him because of the complaint he filed -- I didn't know how to forgive
-- but God showed me that I didn't have to talk to him to forgive him -- it didn't matter that he didn't come to me and ask for forgiveness -- God showed me that it wasn't about him so much as it was about me -- I needed to forgive him because it was my heart that was hurt -- forgiving is more about you than about the other person -- and it all starts with the decision to forgive
2. SAY THE WORDS—AT LEAST TO YOURSELF.
-- When I forgave this person, I actually said the words in my mind: "I forgive you." -- There is something tangible that happens in your heart when you release someone from the wrong they have done to you. -- It starts with your will, so even if you don't feel like it, once you make the decision, say to yourself, "I forgive him," or, "I forgive her." Your feelings will follow.
-- Listen to this part carefully: I didn't say the words to person who had hurt me, I just said the words aloud, to myself and to God -- I didn't say the words to the man, because that would have just brought the issue up, and bringing the issue up wasn't the issue, the forgiveness was
-- Clara Barton was the founder of the American Red Cross -- One day a friend reminded her of a particularly hateful thing someone had done to her years before -- When she ignored the comment and acted as if she had never heard of it, her friend called the conversation back
-- "Don't you remember that?" she asked. -- "No," said Barton. "I distinctly remember forgetting it."
-- Sometimes we make forgiveness far too complicated by stirring up the water under the bridge -- The best kind of forgiveness forgives and then lets the past stay in the past.
3. WHEN YOU FORGIVE, FORGIVE.
-- the word that Jesus uses here in this passage is the Greek word, "Macrothumia" -- "Macro" means "big" -- and "thumia" refers to "wrath or anger" -- so, Jesus is saying that we should forgive by putting aside our big anger -- putting aside our hurt -- our right for revenge – put your anger aside, put your hurt, your resentment, your right to revenge aside.
-- this is not saying that you should constantly let someone wrong you or hurt you -- when there is a need to confront, confront -- get it out into the open so it can be healed -- but when you've reached the stage where you need to forgive someone else, don't cast blame -- don't bring up old issues -- don't try to score points or set yourself up to win the next round -- when you forgive, forgive and put the issue behind you
Step 4…
4. FORGIVE COMPLETELY.
-- in Colossians 3:13, Paul writes, "forgive as the Lord forgave you" -- in other words -- forgive like Jesus forgave you -- forgive in the same way that He forgave you -- how did Jesus forgive?
-- did he forgive begrudgingly? -- did He forgive only in part? -- did He forgive in a way that made Him look good? -- did He wait until we deserved forgiveness?
-- no, Jesus forgave us wholly and completely without reservation -- without looking back -- before we even knew we needed forgiveness, Jesus forgave us
-- this may be the case in a lot of our lives -- we might find ourselves forgiving others before they even know that they need forgiveness -- and when we forgive, we have to do so completely
5. FORGIVE REPEATEDLY.
-- Forrest Gump said that "life is like a box of chocolates" -- well, forgiveness is like peeling an onion -- we begin by peeling the outer layer, but after we take that off, what's left -- more onion -- more to be forgiven -- more anger to be set aside
-- when we've been hurt so deeply that we really need to forgive someone else, then it's going to be like peeling an onion -- we peel off one layer -- we forgive them one day -- and then we have to do it all over again -- maybe the next day or the next week or the next year -- when you forgive, realize that you may have to forgive the same offense more than once -- not because the offense needs to be forgiven multiple times, but because we need to set aside our anger multiple times
-- as Jesus tells us in this passage, "Forgive repeatedly."
6. FORGIVING DOESN'T MEAN FORGETTING AND FORGIVING DOESN'T MEAN TRUSTING
-- When someone hurts you deeply, your brain records it -- It's there, you can't forget it -- the Bible tells us that God can forget our wrongs -- that when we sin against Him and ask Him to forgive us for what we've done, He puts our sin in the sea of forgetfulness -- God is the only person capable of truly forgetting when someone has wronged Him
-- we're not God -- we can't do that -- we might forget for a while, but it's going to come back up again -- so what do we do -- we just "macrothumia" it -- we just lay it aside -- we just let our wrath go -- and try to forget again
-- one problem people have with forgiving is that they think forgiving means they have to trust that person again -- that's not true -- forgiveness is about letting go of the anger in your heart -- forgiveness is about healing yourself -- not the other person
-- when someone establishes a pattern of untrustworthy behavior, you can't trust them. -- It wouldn't make sense -- So, when a repeat offender continues to wrong you, you forgive them -- And if they want to restore the relationship, then you set up a system by which they can prove that they really have changed
-- forgiveness can happen quickly because it is unilateral -- it only requires an action on your part -- trust, on the other hand, has to be earned -- it takes time, because it involves a relationship between two people
-- Here's an important distinction: --FORGIVENESS MUST BE GRANTED, IT CAN'T BE EARNED. -- TRUST CAN'T BE GRANTED. IT MUST BE EARNED.
IV. Closing
-- forgiveness is a gift from God -- through Christ, God forgave us for the sins that we committed -- He refused to pour out His vengeance and wrath on us but offered His very Son as a sacrifice to ensure that justice was done -- and, once justice was served, God poured out His blessings on us -- on the very people that once had trespassed against Him
-- in the same way, God calls for us to forgive others that have trespassed against us -- He knows that our hearts have been hurt and damaged by others -- and He knows that these wounded hearts can keep us from loving Him and loving others as He wants
-- so, He encourages us to offer forgiveness to others in our hearts -- so that in the process of forgiveness we might find healing from the hatred and bitterness and resentment that we have built up in our lives
-- when I went to my first Kairos -- the prison ministry similar to the Walk to Emmaus -- I saw the power of forgiveness in the life of another person -- those men in that place had deeply wounded hearts -- they were not only held in physical bars in that place, but they were bound up with spiritual bars of hatred and resentment and unforgiveness to others in their lives
-- a lot of them were in prison because of the hurts that others had inflicted upon them -- their wives -- their fathers -- their mothers -- friends -- others they knew
-- as part of the weekend, we led them through the process of forgiveness and helped them to release the hurts in their hearts through the power of Christ
-- and I watched as those men wept with joy for the first time in their lives -- as they forgave those who hurt them and as they were freed to allow the blessing and salvation of God into their hearts -- relationships may not have been restored that weekend, but lives were changed through the healing power of forgiveness
-- there is power in forgiveness -- and that is why Jesus commands us in the Lord's Prayer to pray daily, "Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us"
-- as I finally come to a close, let's talk about this week's Love Challenge -- the past four Love Challenges have all been things that you had to go home and do -- today's Love Challenge is something that you can do right here -- right now
-- here is want I want to challenge you to do -- as I close in prayer, we're going to have a moment of silence -- and in that quiet place, I want you to search your hearts and see if there is someone that you need to forgive -- someone who has wronged you -- someone who has hurt you
-- and then I want you to pray with me as we offer forgiveness to them through the power of Christ -- not necessarily for their sake -- but for the healing that will come in your own heart as a result of forgiving them and putting your anger and wrath aside
-- let us pray
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